Our motto: “All we need to know is . . . where THEY are!”
In the Cult of the Duck (COTD)**, the safety and well-being of submissives is never far from our hearts. Eager to protect our community, we have benefited by the lessons of history and the paths of those who have gone before, and in a grand Old Tradition we introduce the justice arm of our organisation: the COTD D/s Council of Inquisitions. The Council’s motto is borrowed without permission from the ever-thoughtful Vasquez, of Aliens fame.
First we honor the Duck, Duckus Maximus, The One True Leader of our Cult. His titles within the Council: “Le Petite Inquisitore,” more formally “Le Inquisitore Canard,” or, in His most fearsome role, “Duckquemada.” Then to facilitators and sim owners in the Council we provide the title of “Inquisitore,” which tag must be worn during all official and unofficial questionings and spreadings of rumor. We reserve the title “Le Grande Inquisitore” for those few who can demonstrate extensive experience initiating and directing Witch Hunts. For the general public, we provide the more direct title of “Bloodsport Fan.”
Our reference in the Council of Inquisitions is the Duckeus Mallificarum. This venerable judicial handbook outlines the three elements necessary for predation: the presence of a Dominant, the implication of power exchange, and the dissatisfaction of a submissive. Based on the presence of these three elements, the Duckeus lays out how to disseminate accusations, encourage ostracizing behavior and even formally charge the guilty party while the Inquisitore skillfully avoids any personal consequence or the need for messy face to face confrontations.
The D/s Council of Inquisitions is standing by to provide inquisitions in the wake of YOUR relationship disappointments . . . or for those of friends, acquaintances or total strangers that you heard about at a random munch. Call at the first vague hint of displeasure, there is no need for proof or even that the accusation be plausible. Remember, there is One True Way to perform effective character assassination. Our anatidine Inquisitors have earned their Feathers. Don’t try your inquisition at home . . . call COTD, shiver as you watch our trained professionals whip friends, acquaintances and uninvolved bystanders into a blood-seeking frenzy!
**The Cult of the Duck was founded by Ryn Hax and Meadow Theas, and is The One True D/s Self-Mocking Cult. Unlike other, inferior cults, COTD does not rely on mocking from outside the organization, but provides mocking from within as our primary Cult activity. COTD was hatched in the nest of recent flaps regarding such hot topics as cults and witch hunts.
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Saturday, December 10, 2011
Internal Enslavement part 5 - "Submission in stages"
This is the fifth essay of my series about "Internal Enslavement". This time I picked the subject "Submission in stages" and will focus on the development of a submissive that engages in an M/s relationship to reflect on various possibilities to strengthen the intimate bond between Dominant and submissive. What facilitates and what threatens enslavement in D/s context?
Most of what i am going to present here was inspired by the website http://www.enslavement.org.uk that provides many interesting essays, a huge part of them was written by the RL Master Tanos who runs a poly D/s household in the UK.
0. Introduction
The concept of "Internal Enslavement" deals with the question if a radical consensual slavery is possible in an M/s context that is based on the pillars of safety, sanity, consensual and mutual trust, respect and commitment, in the physical, emotional and mental area of relationship. According to Tanos the answer is yes. Radical consensual slavery is possible (-> TPE = Total Power Exchange). It is a goal you can work towards to step by step, and you can make more and more achievements towards this goal. Tanos also believes that there are certain techniques derived from psychological knowledge that help with the "examination of a female slave's thoughts, emotions and past experiences to establish and maintain a solid and inescapable state of ownership". When the authors of the IE website speak of a "natural slave" they mean someone who is a slave by nature ... someone who has an innate or inborn character trait which predisposes them to slavery in some way. This means that while some people are predisposed to feeling comfortable under conditions of consentual slavery in D/s context, others are not. So not every submissive is going to feel comfortable and "at home" in a Master-slave-relationship.
1. Conditions that allow the growth of an M/s bond up to the enslavement of the submissive
I guess we all are aware that no intimate relationship of a Dominant and a submissive can successfully work longterm without the pillars safety sanity and consentuality (--> "informed consent"). The conditions for an intimate relationship involving the D/s dynamic pretty much seem to be the same as for any kind of intimate relationship, of the BDSM kind or not.
The solid ground is "matching characters/compatibility", mutual attraction, mutual respect, honesty, openness, a tight bond of trust, mutual commitment and the will of the partners involved to actively work on the success of the relationship which also includes will and ability to self reflect and to communicate.
So, when we have the solid ground and these nice pillars, what will prevent the solid material
from crumbling when time is taking effect after the first bliss of a new D/s relationship?
If you hung on the lips of some grand self-proclaimed Masters and Mistresses, You might think it is rules that rule. Have a good rule set and all will go smoothly and longterm. Nice ideologies. Let's look at the reality of being humans. I say ... the most important thing that will prevent a D/s relationship from crumbling to pieces after the first bliss is over, is ENJOYMENT. In this a D/s relationship is not really different from any kind of intimate relationship, right? Just the areas and methods of finding enjoyment might be different.
* Enjoyment of the other person and how he/she is.
* Enjoyment of oneself in the relationship ... enjoyment of Your role as submissive or Dominant or switch ... enjoyment of how one can be due to the fact of being together with the Dominant or submissive partner.
*Enjoyment of the mental and emotional aspects of D/s and their effect on one's own and the other's mind and heart.
*Enjoyment of having control or enjoyment of giving control away. Enjoyment of experiencing the partner in control-loss or in control.
* Enjoyment of the physical aspects of a D/s relationship, for example SM practise (if involved).
Finally, it should also be bourne in mind when considering potential Masters or slaves that Internal Enslavement is necessarily built while living together, and this will involve the submissive joining the dominant's household at some point.
Tanos writes: "It is considerably easier to evaluate genuine compatibility if dominant and submissive can spend time together regularly before moving - for instance, spending every weekend at one house or the other, or spending an extended period of "everyday" time together (eg a few weeks, and not just a holiday.) "
For this reason, there is often a risk associated with starting a long-distance relationship in the hope that it will lead to enslavement, since you may not be able to fully evaluate whether you are compatible before it is time to live together if the relationship is to progress.
In this context I would now like to mention some unplesant things that occur in too many long distance relationships that came into existence by online contact.
2. Unhealthy conditions - example: Myths used to deceive submissives
(source of info: http://www.enslavement.org.uk)
a) Online training
Online training is the most common distraction from a genuine search for M/s. A number of men with no intention and/or no talent of establishing enslavement seek to attract women with a genuine need for an M/s relationship.
One ploy is to offer some form of online training which is claimed to increase the submissive's attractiveness to potential Masters. Online training can lead to periods of short term dominance, which go some way to satisfying this need in some submissive women.
However, because submissives always retain final control in online submission (by withdrawing if necessary) they are ultimately unsatisfying - in particular, Reactance cannot normally be overcome if submissives are expected to "dominate themselves" into obedience.
b) Formal Mentoring
Formal Mentoring is often a more sophisticated variant of the Online Training ploy, and isn't limited to online environments.
There have been respectable traditions of mentoring in some parts of BDSM's history (in particular, the Old Guard Leather subculture among gay men up to the mid 1970's).
However, it is commonly used in online communities to enable dominants to obtain committed submission without taking any responsibility, and without making clear their motivation.
In particular, mentoring is frequently portrayed as some form of public service that the dominant does to "give back to the Lifestyle", and in which he will train the submissive in some way, encourage her to explore her self and filter out unsuitable potential Masters for her.
Tanos clearly states on http://www.enslavement.org.uk/:
"Although I do agree that would-be slaves can learn some useful things in relationships of submission outside of Enslavement, I believe the true motivations of all involved should be made clear from the start. For dominants, this will normally include their desire to control, understand and be served by submissives, and such relationships may be better viewed as limited Service with opportunities to learn, rather than purely as Mentoring." (cited from
http://www.enslavement.org.uk/)
I would like to underline "DESIRE TO CONTROL".
If a self-proclaimed Master has no deep desire, even need, to control, then an M/s relationship cannot work longterm. And with desire and need there come up the question for TALENT.
Is the "Master" willing and able to invest the great efforts it takes to take control?
Le's look at the sub: Des he/she have the need to be in control? Ad is he/she able to truly cope with control loss and enjoying it? It comes down to the question if the sub is what Tanos calls "a natural slave" that has another way to experience and deal with reactance than other people have. evertheless, in most cases, the best source of guidance for an inexperienced female submissive is usually a circle of other submissive friends with similar needs, rather than a dominant. .
c) Secret Training Houses
Let''s see what Tanos wrote about them:
"Secret Training Houses is one of the most suprising myths to persist online, and probably owes its origin to the mysterious slave-training chateau in the "Story of O"."
"Typically, a dominant will claim to be part of a worldwide, underground network of training houses, decry the falling standards in BDSM today compared to the "Old School", "European" or "Formal" standards of his youth (he has been "in the Lifestyle" either exactly 20 or exactly 30 years) and then tell the enthralled submissive that he can tell even through her computer screen that she is good enough for him to introduce into his organisation... " (cited from
http://www.enslavement.org.uk/)
As these examples may illustrate, it is not at all easy to find a good, well-,matching Dominant or submissive partner that is actually worth investing Yourself into a committed relationship with him/her. But I don't want to cling to the negatives here. Let's see how submission may develop if a sub actually went into good Dominant hands and conditions are set for establishing a well-working longterm D/s relationship up to the bond of M/s, with the submissive being enslaved property of his/her Master/Mistress.
3. Submission in Stages
The initial phase of starting and building on an M/s relationship is a most delicate time: The sub and the Dom might already have a well working D/s bond, but for a Master-slave relationship more is needed. Of course, we hear the question ring on the mind if this all isn't an ideal, a fantasy, also by presenting it as something "different" that requires "more" than the "usual". Something that requires a "diploma", one could think. But in fact it is nothing but about nature. No forcing it makes sense, things should just happen as they naturally fit with people.
There is the apparent contradiction of consensual non-consent: The submissive needs to change from a willing supplicant, seeking eslavement, into a slave held in her Master's possession. One of the pillars of a D/s relationship, as we know, is consent. This implies that a submissive usually has freedoms that have been negotiated. A submissive can say no and leave a D/s relationship, for example. A submissive can always safe-word.
Now, when a submissive becomes a Master's possession as His/Her enslaved property, there potentially is a tension between the freedoms the submissive still has and the authority the Master needs to progressively acquire. uthority that is also grounded in a Master's/Mistresse's need for control. control He/She will take from the slave and simply use as He/She pleases, let's hope responsibly. An authority of the Master/Mistress that induces the sub seeking enslavement to "consent to nonconsent", so to speak. A power that lets the sub turn over his/her powers and control to the Master/Mistress completely, becoming His/Her property that is being cared for and that is being decided on.
.
Now, what is so diffcult about it? Progress can be halted and the Master's authority undermined by a reactive submissive selectively vetoing his decisions to prove to herself she is still free. Which is in fact the reason why "Total Power Exchange" seems to remain a matter of fantasy and ideals, not appearing apt to withstand the reality of relationships. And it is a
very natural thing, nothing to be criticized or despised as trait of the "less developed form" of submission. In fact, such inner rebellion against a Dom's command could be rooted in the antropological need for freedom and as such is not to be judged negatively. It is about being human.
Reactance, the emotional reaction towards restriction of freedom, helps us reflect when we are in unsafe situations and thank God this natural mechanism cannot be submerged by any external control. It is up to the subject how to act if reactance is felt.
If i felt uncomfortable with a command of my Dominant and felt reactance, but nevertheless did it because it is His will and I were eager to please Him, it is likely that it at the same time fulfilled a deep need within me to be controlled and to feel the bliss as soon as i got over the reactance peak.
"Submission in Stages" is a model that can help with the transition of the sub, being in relationship with the Dominant and still having several things of herself and some freedoms, to an enslaved sub/slave that is owned posession of a Master, having turned over the control/power into the hopefully capable hands and braincells and heart of the Master (--> Power Exchange). To put in a nutshell, it is as if the Dominant was cutting the big cake that we call "Total Power Exchange" (full enslavement) into smaller pieces, then feeding them to the sub bit by bit, so that the sub can have time to get used to the new aspects in the nature of their M/s relationship and have the chance to consent to each of these bits individually.
Tanos writes: "In this approach, the dominant lays out stages of increasing authority transfer which the submissive consents to as her trust increases. For example, one stage might give the dominant authority to require domestic service, a respectful attitude and control over what the submissive wears, but exclude the right to demand sexual access, control over finances, choice of job, where she lives etc." (cited from http://www.enslavement.org.uk/)
So you could say, this all happens prior to slavery, as this "cake feeding" period is a phase of voluntary submission, and the sub always has the right to consent or not consent to each of the single "cake pieces". During this phase it is always clear how far the dominant's authority is guaranteed; the submissive retains reassuring control over aspects of her life which she still feels she cannot give up; progress is made at her pace; but the path is still defined by the Dominant. Submission in Stages can either be agreed verbally or by written agreements or even with formal contracts.
Such "voluntary submission" can also be described as "service", and "submitting and being in service to a Dominant" is different to "Being property of a Dominant". During the "Submission in stages" phase we have a service D/s relationship, not yet achieved enslavement and not yet achieved the sub's status as possession of the Dominant. "However, we should stress that the Internal Enslavement process will already have begun right from a supplicant's first meeting, by building trust and opening up the submissive's Self to the dominant." (Tanos, cited from
http://www.enslavement.org.uk/)
"The "emotional" acceptance of the dominant's authority will usually be deeper than the sub's "rational" acceptance during this phase - that is, there may be aspects of her life which she does not yet think she could lose control over; but if confronted by the dominant taking control of them, she discovers she can in fact accept it." (Tanos)
I call this phase when the sub is starting to feel alignment of the will of the Dominant with her own needs. Such alignment is so to speak the "Vital IT" of any intimate relationship, and without it no relationship is going to work well longterm.
Tanos also gives this advice to Dominants who wish to enslave a submissive: "A techinique like Submission in Stages can yield more reliable and quicker results than a trial and error process of the dominant continually testing how far his authority extends, since the errors continually undermine trust and authority."
So, what follows "Submission in Stages", if it has gone on successfully and led to ENJOYMENT and inner alignment and contentment for both, the potential Master of the potential slave?
Final stage: The sub accepts the dominant's authority over all aspects of her life, and confirms her desire to become his slave. This can happen after some weeks, and with other submissives craving enslavement, after some months of D/s relationship with the prospective Master. With this Consent to Enslavement in place, the work of building her emotional acceptance of her slavery can proceed.
So, to come to an end here, let me put a Dominant's main task in words if He/She dreamt of enslaving a submissive and becoming his/her owner:
"BUILDING THE SUBMISSIVE'S EMOTIONAL ACCEPTANCE OF HIS/HER SLAVERY"
written by Mirjam Munro, December 2011
Most of what i am going to present here was inspired by the website http://www.enslavement.org.uk that provides many interesting essays, a huge part of them was written by the RL Master Tanos who runs a poly D/s household in the UK.
0. Introduction
The concept of "Internal Enslavement" deals with the question if a radical consensual slavery is possible in an M/s context that is based on the pillars of safety, sanity, consensual and mutual trust, respect and commitment, in the physical, emotional and mental area of relationship. According to Tanos the answer is yes. Radical consensual slavery is possible (-> TPE = Total Power Exchange). It is a goal you can work towards to step by step, and you can make more and more achievements towards this goal. Tanos also believes that there are certain techniques derived from psychological knowledge that help with the "examination of a female slave's thoughts, emotions and past experiences to establish and maintain a solid and inescapable state of ownership". When the authors of the IE website speak of a "natural slave" they mean someone who is a slave by nature ... someone who has an innate or inborn character trait which predisposes them to slavery in some way. This means that while some people are predisposed to feeling comfortable under conditions of consentual slavery in D/s context, others are not. So not every submissive is going to feel comfortable and "at home" in a Master-slave-relationship.
1. Conditions that allow the growth of an M/s bond up to the enslavement of the submissive
I guess we all are aware that no intimate relationship of a Dominant and a submissive can successfully work longterm without the pillars safety sanity and consentuality (--> "informed consent"). The conditions for an intimate relationship involving the D/s dynamic pretty much seem to be the same as for any kind of intimate relationship, of the BDSM kind or not.
The solid ground is "matching characters/compatibility", mutual attraction, mutual respect, honesty, openness, a tight bond of trust, mutual commitment and the will of the partners involved to actively work on the success of the relationship which also includes will and ability to self reflect and to communicate.
So, when we have the solid ground and these nice pillars, what will prevent the solid material
from crumbling when time is taking effect after the first bliss of a new D/s relationship?
If you hung on the lips of some grand self-proclaimed Masters and Mistresses, You might think it is rules that rule. Have a good rule set and all will go smoothly and longterm. Nice ideologies. Let's look at the reality of being humans. I say ... the most important thing that will prevent a D/s relationship from crumbling to pieces after the first bliss is over, is ENJOYMENT. In this a D/s relationship is not really different from any kind of intimate relationship, right? Just the areas and methods of finding enjoyment might be different.
* Enjoyment of the other person and how he/she is.
* Enjoyment of oneself in the relationship ... enjoyment of Your role as submissive or Dominant or switch ... enjoyment of how one can be due to the fact of being together with the Dominant or submissive partner.
*Enjoyment of the mental and emotional aspects of D/s and their effect on one's own and the other's mind and heart.
*Enjoyment of having control or enjoyment of giving control away. Enjoyment of experiencing the partner in control-loss or in control.
* Enjoyment of the physical aspects of a D/s relationship, for example SM practise (if involved).
Finally, it should also be bourne in mind when considering potential Masters or slaves that Internal Enslavement is necessarily built while living together, and this will involve the submissive joining the dominant's household at some point.
Tanos writes: "It is considerably easier to evaluate genuine compatibility if dominant and submissive can spend time together regularly before moving - for instance, spending every weekend at one house or the other, or spending an extended period of "everyday" time together (eg a few weeks, and not just a holiday.) "
For this reason, there is often a risk associated with starting a long-distance relationship in the hope that it will lead to enslavement, since you may not be able to fully evaluate whether you are compatible before it is time to live together if the relationship is to progress.
In this context I would now like to mention some unplesant things that occur in too many long distance relationships that came into existence by online contact.
2. Unhealthy conditions - example: Myths used to deceive submissives
(source of info: http://www.enslavement.org.uk)
a) Online training
Online training is the most common distraction from a genuine search for M/s. A number of men with no intention and/or no talent of establishing enslavement seek to attract women with a genuine need for an M/s relationship.
One ploy is to offer some form of online training which is claimed to increase the submissive's attractiveness to potential Masters. Online training can lead to periods of short term dominance, which go some way to satisfying this need in some submissive women.
However, because submissives always retain final control in online submission (by withdrawing if necessary) they are ultimately unsatisfying - in particular, Reactance cannot normally be overcome if submissives are expected to "dominate themselves" into obedience.
b) Formal Mentoring
Formal Mentoring is often a more sophisticated variant of the Online Training ploy, and isn't limited to online environments.
There have been respectable traditions of mentoring in some parts of BDSM's history (in particular, the Old Guard Leather subculture among gay men up to the mid 1970's).
However, it is commonly used in online communities to enable dominants to obtain committed submission without taking any responsibility, and without making clear their motivation.
In particular, mentoring is frequently portrayed as some form of public service that the dominant does to "give back to the Lifestyle", and in which he will train the submissive in some way, encourage her to explore her self and filter out unsuitable potential Masters for her.
Tanos clearly states on http://www.enslavement.org.uk/:
"Although I do agree that would-be slaves can learn some useful things in relationships of submission outside of Enslavement, I believe the true motivations of all involved should be made clear from the start. For dominants, this will normally include their desire to control, understand and be served by submissives, and such relationships may be better viewed as limited Service with opportunities to learn, rather than purely as Mentoring." (cited from
http://www.enslavement.org.uk/)
I would like to underline "DESIRE TO CONTROL".
If a self-proclaimed Master has no deep desire, even need, to control, then an M/s relationship cannot work longterm. And with desire and need there come up the question for TALENT.
Is the "Master" willing and able to invest the great efforts it takes to take control?
Le's look at the sub: Des he/she have the need to be in control? Ad is he/she able to truly cope with control loss and enjoying it? It comes down to the question if the sub is what Tanos calls "a natural slave" that has another way to experience and deal with reactance than other people have. evertheless, in most cases, the best source of guidance for an inexperienced female submissive is usually a circle of other submissive friends with similar needs, rather than a dominant. .
c) Secret Training Houses
Let''s see what Tanos wrote about them:
"Secret Training Houses is one of the most suprising myths to persist online, and probably owes its origin to the mysterious slave-training chateau in the "Story of O"."
"Typically, a dominant will claim to be part of a worldwide, underground network of training houses, decry the falling standards in BDSM today compared to the "Old School", "European" or "Formal" standards of his youth (he has been "in the Lifestyle" either exactly 20 or exactly 30 years) and then tell the enthralled submissive that he can tell even through her computer screen that she is good enough for him to introduce into his organisation... " (cited from
http://www.enslavement.org.uk/)
As these examples may illustrate, it is not at all easy to find a good, well-,matching Dominant or submissive partner that is actually worth investing Yourself into a committed relationship with him/her. But I don't want to cling to the negatives here. Let's see how submission may develop if a sub actually went into good Dominant hands and conditions are set for establishing a well-working longterm D/s relationship up to the bond of M/s, with the submissive being enslaved property of his/her Master/Mistress.
3. Submission in Stages
The initial phase of starting and building on an M/s relationship is a most delicate time: The sub and the Dom might already have a well working D/s bond, but for a Master-slave relationship more is needed. Of course, we hear the question ring on the mind if this all isn't an ideal, a fantasy, also by presenting it as something "different" that requires "more" than the "usual". Something that requires a "diploma", one could think. But in fact it is nothing but about nature. No forcing it makes sense, things should just happen as they naturally fit with people.
There is the apparent contradiction of consensual non-consent: The submissive needs to change from a willing supplicant, seeking eslavement, into a slave held in her Master's possession. One of the pillars of a D/s relationship, as we know, is consent. This implies that a submissive usually has freedoms that have been negotiated. A submissive can say no and leave a D/s relationship, for example. A submissive can always safe-word.
Now, when a submissive becomes a Master's possession as His/Her enslaved property, there potentially is a tension between the freedoms the submissive still has and the authority the Master needs to progressively acquire. uthority that is also grounded in a Master's/Mistresse's need for control. control He/She will take from the slave and simply use as He/She pleases, let's hope responsibly. An authority of the Master/Mistress that induces the sub seeking enslavement to "consent to nonconsent", so to speak. A power that lets the sub turn over his/her powers and control to the Master/Mistress completely, becoming His/Her property that is being cared for and that is being decided on.
.
Now, what is so diffcult about it? Progress can be halted and the Master's authority undermined by a reactive submissive selectively vetoing his decisions to prove to herself she is still free. Which is in fact the reason why "Total Power Exchange" seems to remain a matter of fantasy and ideals, not appearing apt to withstand the reality of relationships. And it is a
very natural thing, nothing to be criticized or despised as trait of the "less developed form" of submission. In fact, such inner rebellion against a Dom's command could be rooted in the antropological need for freedom and as such is not to be judged negatively. It is about being human.
Reactance, the emotional reaction towards restriction of freedom, helps us reflect when we are in unsafe situations and thank God this natural mechanism cannot be submerged by any external control. It is up to the subject how to act if reactance is felt.
If i felt uncomfortable with a command of my Dominant and felt reactance, but nevertheless did it because it is His will and I were eager to please Him, it is likely that it at the same time fulfilled a deep need within me to be controlled and to feel the bliss as soon as i got over the reactance peak.
"Submission in Stages" is a model that can help with the transition of the sub, being in relationship with the Dominant and still having several things of herself and some freedoms, to an enslaved sub/slave that is owned posession of a Master, having turned over the control/power into the hopefully capable hands and braincells and heart of the Master (--> Power Exchange). To put in a nutshell, it is as if the Dominant was cutting the big cake that we call "Total Power Exchange" (full enslavement) into smaller pieces, then feeding them to the sub bit by bit, so that the sub can have time to get used to the new aspects in the nature of their M/s relationship and have the chance to consent to each of these bits individually.
Tanos writes: "In this approach, the dominant lays out stages of increasing authority transfer which the submissive consents to as her trust increases. For example, one stage might give the dominant authority to require domestic service, a respectful attitude and control over what the submissive wears, but exclude the right to demand sexual access, control over finances, choice of job, where she lives etc." (cited from http://www.enslavement.org.uk/)
So you could say, this all happens prior to slavery, as this "cake feeding" period is a phase of voluntary submission, and the sub always has the right to consent or not consent to each of the single "cake pieces". During this phase it is always clear how far the dominant's authority is guaranteed; the submissive retains reassuring control over aspects of her life which she still feels she cannot give up; progress is made at her pace; but the path is still defined by the Dominant. Submission in Stages can either be agreed verbally or by written agreements or even with formal contracts.
Such "voluntary submission" can also be described as "service", and "submitting and being in service to a Dominant" is different to "Being property of a Dominant". During the "Submission in stages" phase we have a service D/s relationship, not yet achieved enslavement and not yet achieved the sub's status as possession of the Dominant. "However, we should stress that the Internal Enslavement process will already have begun right from a supplicant's first meeting, by building trust and opening up the submissive's Self to the dominant." (Tanos, cited from
http://www.enslavement.org.uk/)
"The "emotional" acceptance of the dominant's authority will usually be deeper than the sub's "rational" acceptance during this phase - that is, there may be aspects of her life which she does not yet think she could lose control over; but if confronted by the dominant taking control of them, she discovers she can in fact accept it." (Tanos)
I call this phase when the sub is starting to feel alignment of the will of the Dominant with her own needs. Such alignment is so to speak the "Vital IT" of any intimate relationship, and without it no relationship is going to work well longterm.
Tanos also gives this advice to Dominants who wish to enslave a submissive: "A techinique like Submission in Stages can yield more reliable and quicker results than a trial and error process of the dominant continually testing how far his authority extends, since the errors continually undermine trust and authority."
So, what follows "Submission in Stages", if it has gone on successfully and led to ENJOYMENT and inner alignment and contentment for both, the potential Master of the potential slave?
Final stage: The sub accepts the dominant's authority over all aspects of her life, and confirms her desire to become his slave. This can happen after some weeks, and with other submissives craving enslavement, after some months of D/s relationship with the prospective Master. With this Consent to Enslavement in place, the work of building her emotional acceptance of her slavery can proceed.
So, to come to an end here, let me put a Dominant's main task in words if He/She dreamt of enslaving a submissive and becoming his/her owner:
"BUILDING THE SUBMISSIVE'S EMOTIONAL ACCEPTANCE OF HIS/HER SLAVERY"
written by Mirjam Munro, December 2011
Monday, December 5, 2011
Reactance in D/s context
According to an essay on the Internal Enslavement website (http://www.enslavement.org.uk/) a "natural slave" shows a lower level of reactance and another way of dealing with it than people who do not have this trait.
What is reactance?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reactance_%28psychology%29
http://www.enslavement.org.uk/reactance
In November 2011 i wrote the following text about reactance, what it means and how it plays out for me in the context of D/s. I hope for many of You sharing Your thoughts and experiences on this interesting topic as well.
"To me, reactance is a feeling of rebellion against restriction. It is a positive thing, cause without it, i might not have the reflectivity and emotional energy to fight if my freedom was restricted against my will, this means non consentually. An example: When I get too many tasks put on my shoulders by my boss at work and that do not fit with my usual job role, I feel reactance.
Reactance is something that each human feels in every day life, in many areas. Reactance belongs to the traits of being human, and this is no surprise as freedm is a high good for mankind.
Now, in my D/s relationship, I enjoy being restricted by my Master. I feel much less reactance when He restricts my freedom and I even crave it. It puts me in mental bliss . I want to be controlled by my Master. The big difference to what I described before is: This all happens consentually. I want it to happen. I trust my Master in dealing with me harshly but never beyond my hard limits. I feel safe because I know He utterly respects my hard limits. And this safety makes me feel much less reactance, or even none when He restricts my freedom (physcially or "mentally", by giving orders, by permitting and not permitting certain things and actions etc.)
It happens that I first feel "inner rebellion" against something He does or that He commands me to do. Then I feel reactance. Reactance makes me alert and aware. It switches my mind "ON" and lets me reflect if I am still in the safe zone. And then I feel ... oh yes I am, cause I know my Master is totally trustworthy. I know it from experience. I know it from His eyes, His voice ... I know it from how He deals with me. I feel it in my heart ... and then I push myself to go through it and get beyond the peakpoint of reactance and fall into bliss. Feeling "one" with what is happening, giving in completely, and not feeling any inner resistance or reactance. And I crave this feeling.
I find it interesting that Tanos used reactance to describe the being of a "Natural slave" on the IE Website ... submissives who seems to feel a lower level of reactance when freedom is restricted , and who even seem to crave it and fall into blisswhen they got beyond the peakpoint of reactance are called "natural slaves", according to the article on the IE website.
Last not least: Towards ANYONE that restricted my freedom or tried to restrict it, I would feel a normal level of reactance, i think, and i would fight for restoring my freedom. But towards my SPECIAL ONE, my Master, I react differently ... cause what He does and decides is what I consented to. Cause what He does and decides has proven to be good for me in my experience with Him. And because I feel safe with HIm and trust Him completely.
In all of me that is His,there is no room for reactance, cause rebellion against what He decides and does can only happen in something that is "outside of my Master" and that does not belong to Him. And yes, if i had a non responsible Dominant that would not care for me well enough, then it would be damn good to keep some parts to myself and feel the reactance that could save me and bring me out of a situation and if needed, completely away from such a man.
And yes, thank God we have this mechanism. We need it for reflection, to be able to safeword (reactance makes us aware something is not right) - even with best intentions a responsible Master might fail at times and go too far or catch us in a bad situation. And when a relationship is new ... we damn need reactance to feel in our guts when we don't feel comfortable with a Dominant that might not give us the feeling of safety, that might not be trustworthy, that might even be abusive.
So to me reactance is very positive, and the experience of not feeling it when being with my Master is utterly awesome as well."
(written by mirjam in November 2011)
Sunday, November 27, 2011
~=Interview With A Financial Domme=~
Nov. 25th, 2011
Baroness Eisenhart: Welcome. Anything I can do for you?
Jovial Denimore: Hi. What kind of SIM is this?
Baroness Eisenhart: It's also a FinDom sim. Beside the FemDom part. We are specialists in draining moneypigs and offer certain brainfucks.
Jovial Denimore: Interesting. How does that work here? The FinDom part?
Baroness Eisenhart: Ummm... better than I ever thought
Jovial Denimore: Lol! Ive been to a few FinDom sims in the past but they never really seem to last very long here in SL.
Baroness Eisenhart: All our Mistresses together make around L$XXXK a month. And that's enough to pay the tier I guess ;)
Jovial Denimore: So here, Mistresses are hired?
Baroness Eisenhart: Not right now but I will continue to expand. We have 5 Mistresses here right now.
Jovial Denimore: Do you just let anyone come and do this?
Baroness Eisenhart: Of course not. FinDom is war...
Jovial Denimore: LOL! I've been to some in the past where there are only one or two for an entire sim. Others the Mistresses have to pay a certain amount of "rent" to be there.
Baroness Eisenhart: Well here they get a cut from what they earn. They have no costs and no risk.
Jovial Denimore: How long have you been open?
Baroness Eisenhart: Umm... 2 and a half months now. The redlight district will be opened next week officially. I'm still finishing it.
Jovial Denimore: Wow you have a lot of traffic accroding to SL search engine for only being open 2 months. Thats pretty cool.
Baroness Eisenhart: Hmmm... To be honest i don't care about traffic.
Jovial Denimore: How long have you been doing this and into FinDom?
Baroness Eisenhart: In SL since about 3 years now. But I always enjoyed to manipulate people in RL before.
Jovial Denimore: Lol!
Baroness Eisenhart: Making them my little puppets ^^ Yes.. that's what excites me...
Jovial Denimore: This is so interesting. For years since ive beenin SL, I've tried to figure this all out. In the general BDSM Community, FinDom is a huge taboo.
Baroness Eisenhart: Ask and I will answer. I'm not afraid of competition, because I'm best. Many tried to copy me and my methods, but they all failed ^^
Jovial Denimore: I've heard pig, money pig, money slave and a few other variations. Is it all the same thing or are there differences?
Baroness Eisenhart: It's all the same- cash cow, etc.
Jovial Denimore: Here in SL FinDom is a big thing, but a lot of the SIMs don't last very long. There is a huge interest in it here but no one really seems to know where it comes from and there are no set commonalities between the SIMs.
Baroness Eisenhart: I see. Well, maybe because they are all competition.
Jovial Denimore: Thats probably a very good reason for sure. There also doesn't seem to be a basic culture for FinDom, not really anyway.
Baroness Eisenhart: There are many fakes and people trying to FinDom. They harm our image and try to steal our pigs. That's why you don't talk much about it. But there is a little basic. Because there's something all FinDommes have in common. All FinDommes are a tiny bit paranoid.
Jovial Denimore: Why do you say that all FinDoms have a some paranoia in common?
Baroness Eisenhart: You have to invest a lot of time to prepare someone to be a profitable pig. Pigs get weak and when there comes another Mistress wiggling her ass. Related to the avatars it's 50:50 and there is a difference between men and women. Women desire to get forced into prostitution and such- violent fantasies. Whereas men like to be used and ruined. But I really don't care if there is a male or female behind an avatar. The result is all that counts.
Jovial Denimore: Right. What did you mean by there is a lot of preperation? Do you mean trust building or something else? Making freinds?
Baroness Eisenhart: That's the art of manipulation, making pigs return, brainfuck them that they don't get you out of their heads ever again.
Jovial Denimore: I imagine too that to be a FinDom, you have to be very creative to set up scenarios and such.
Baroness Eisenhart: Yes, to find the key to the pig's mind. But you also have to be very attentive to filter information.
Jovial Denimore: Do you consider what you do to be Pro-Domming? Or do you consider FinDom to be different than being a Pro-Domme?
Baroness Eisenhart: In my eyes it's Pro-Domming. You need a lot of experiences to be a good FinDomme. The buttons you have to press to brainfuck a moneypig.
Jovial Denimore: What is the longest you've ever kept a money pig? I imagine they don't stay very long or go look for something new?. Like its a rush for them that maybe can't ever be satisfied.
Baroness Eisenhart: Oh... there's one I have since two years.
Jovial Denimore: Wow thats pretty long time. Longest I've heard of in SL.
Baroness Eisenhart: Yes indeed. Making them addicted to you is very important, as it is to control their RLs.
Jovial Denimore: I was just about to ask if you think this is an addiction for them.
Baroness Eisenhart: It is. But you can compare it food, some people like apples for example, others not, and if you try to like it, it's only a half-hearted thing.
Jovial Denimore: Do you take any safeguards for people? Like if they are almost broke that they don't give all their money away as to lose their way of taking care of themselves in RL?
Baroness Eisenhart: That's easy maths. Where do I profit from: Someone who pays me $4000 and is ruined financially or someone who tributes $500 regularly?
Jovial Denimore: Right
Baroness Eisenhart: It's some kind of responsibility you have for your pigs.
Jovial Denimore: Do you find people are honest about their RL financial situation though when it comes to things like that?
Baroness Eisenhart laughs. 'Yesterday we had a visitor offering me diamonds (he was talking about RL diamonds) and such. I kicked him. I heard such stories way too often. I don't care if he had those diamonds or not. I banned him because if someone thinks he can buy me, he is totally wrong here. I don't let anyone push me, because I'm not a cheap whore.'
Jovial Denimore: Right, so I can imagine after time it gets easier to tell who's lying.
Baroness Eisenhart: Yes, experiences.
Jovial Denimore: Do you think there are a lot of men who think that is what FinDom is about? About buying you so you do what they want?
Baroness Eisenhart: Of course not. I do what I want and they get nothing in exchange unless I want them to get anything. Like another brainfuck.
Jovial Denimore: Right, and thats why I asked if you see this as Pro-Domming because to me, a Pro-Domme gets paid to do what the buyer wants. But a FinDomme keeps the control the entire time and decides if the "buyer" will get anything at all. The ProDomme guy wants the action where the FinDomme guy just gets off on the sheer giving of money and giving that 'power' to someone else.
Baroness Eisenhart: Something like that. In fact, I get drained [they give me all] for offering them a satisfaction of their needs- the feeling to serve a Domme and to be used by her. Further more they like the thrill of the danger to get ruined.
Jovial Denimore: How long have you been interested in this? You had mentioned you liked manipulating people in RL for some time. Was there a moment or one particular event that made you KNOW this was something you really liked?
Baroness Eisenhart bites her lips: 'Yes... there was...'
Jovial Denimore smiles. 'Would you mind sharing?'
Baroness Eisenhart: It's better not to... let's say I'm a girl who gets everything she wants...
Jovial Denimore: Lol! So do you consider this to be a fetish/kink for yourself and for the people who come here? And do you think it is part of BDSM or something not from the traditional BDSM as we understand it?
Baroness Eisenhart: It is BDSM for sure because it's not sex, but an art of dominance. You are responsible for a pig as you are for a normal slave and it's consensual.
Jovial Denimore: What responsibilities does a Mistress have to her pigs?
Baroness Eisenhart: Since FinDom effects the RL you have to talk about RL sorrows, financial problems, etc.
Jovial Denimore: Ah ok, so there are some "negotiations" that take place?
Baroness Eisenhart: Something like that, yes. And that's the core of FinDom: Being a caring, but ruthless Mistress.
Jovial Denimore: And there are a lot of misconceptions in SL, and RL about this. People meet women who say they are FinDommes, but they are just abusive. From all you have said to me here, your core belief system and how you do this, it isn't like that.
Baroness Eisenhart: Pigs want abusive women. That's their kink.
Jovial Denimore: Lol!
Baroness Eisenhart: Yes. That's what they want- being cashraped. And that's why many pigs act like whores. They leave you after they had some fun. But one thing is for sure, they all crawl back one day.
Jovial Denimore: But I mean, you don't just take $4000 and force them agains their will. It's what they want. It is a consensual act.
Baroness Eisenhart: This is still SL so everything here is consensual, due to the virtual world. A pig can always log, can stop voicing, or a cam session.
Jovial Denimore: I've met several men who say that they were forced and are now traumatized from a FinDom in SL situation. This is where I think FinDom gets a bad reputation, but as you said, they can log.
Baroness Eisenhart: Yes. Forced in SL? That's impossible unless they agreed before. How can I blackmail them for example if they don't hand me RL pictures?
Jovial Denimore: What do you think of the human ATM machines in SL or those wallets where one can take money from a person's Linden account whenever they wish?
Baroness Eisenhart: Those devices are also consensual. Because you can withdraw the L$ he/she has only, there's the limit for the Domme. If a pig has L$20 only, you only get L$20. I think it's a safe method for both sides.
Jovial Denimore: For a Domme who would like to explore and learn about this kink, what advice would you give on becoming informed about this lifestyle and also what to do to get started?
Baroness Eisenhart: I wouldn't waste my time with those Dommes. Remember the apple? Either you like apples or not. Either you get excited by taking money or not. It's nothing you can learn.
Jovial Denimore: How about for a sub/slave/pig who would like to do it? Any advice for them?
Baroness Eisenhart: It's the same. If a slave is not into FinDom, he/she will never be.
Baroness Eisenhart: Would you get excited by paying me money? Probably not and you never will. That's why I call FinDom a fetish.
Jovial Denimore: Lol, no, not giving money to you. But I do enjoy it when my subs give me money and I've had a sub who does this for me in from SL to RL. So we worked our way into it slowly starting from Lindens to Amazon gift cards, etc., and now over time it has become something more. So for me, I see it as fetish too and its why im so cuious about it but as I said since there is no standard, and not a lot of information. But it does very much arouse me. I'm still apprehansive about demanding it or expecting though. Not sure if thats a guilt thing or not knowing how to really do it.
Baroness Eisenhart: Sure, but if the basics are missing you can't produce a profitable pig. Time will teach you to figure out the right method, if there is one because all pigs are different. Like BDSM, some Mistresses act as if they invented it.
Jovial Denimore: Lol, yes. Also, and maybe I'm wrong about this, I feel the pig should look for the Mistress, not that the Mistress should poach.
Baroness Eisenhart: Exactly. I never run after any pig. That's a question of pride and style. Further more, they will come back one day and pay to apology.
Jovial Denimore: That I have seen a lot in SL, women who poach and to me its never felt like FinDom, more like just women who "play" at it and also where to me that crosses the line between abuse and the fetish itself of actually enjoying it and getting off on it.
Jovial Denimore: Do you have limits on what you will and wont do?
Baroness Eisenhart: No. But once again, I decide what will happen, not the pig. If pigs don't agree on that, they can move along.
Jovial Denimore: Have you ever seen male Dominants into FinDom? I've never seen it in SL myself and always wondered about that.
Baroness Eisenhart: Yes, some. But there are only a few. And in my eyes it's better if we don't have any males.
Jovial Denimore: How come?
Baroness Eisenhart: Imagine the strong protector who begs for money and on the other hand, the sexy bitch manipulating you. I know it's quite polemic, but FinDom is nothing a pig expects from a male.
Jovial Denimore: So you mean that male Dominants shouldn't FinDom female subs?
Baroness Eisenhart: Remember what I said about the difference between men and women? If they "play" forced prostitution that's fine, but this has nothing to do with FinDom.
Jovial Denimore: How often are you here in SL doing this?
Baroness Eisenhart: Each and every day. Responsibility for my pigs, remember?
Jovial Denimore smiles
Jovial Denimore: I really, really appreciate you speaking so openly with me about all of this. I've met a lot of people over the years with FinDom SIMs who are not very nice to say the least. They don't want to talk about it.
Baroness Eisenhart: Yes. I'm best. That's why I don't fear any competition. And as you can see everything I say makes sense.
Jovial Denimore: Yes it does. And I've felt those who didn't want to talk about it didn't because they didn't know what they where doing or were playing at it.
Baroness Eisenhart: You need that bad girl image as a FinDom. That's what excites pigs.
Jovial Denimore: Well, I have one final question. I am co-owner of a group called Adult Community Education Society. We provide learning opportunities for all sorts of things related to "adult" lifestyles in SL. I was wondering if I could feature this chat as an interview and post it to our group, Fetlife page and ACES Blog? Over time as we were talking and I was asking more questions, I thought would be great as article/interview. I really appreciate your openness. I would really like for people to see what FinDom is and hopefully stop it from being so taboo.
Baroness Eisenhart: You're very welcome. Of course it's okay. I knew that this question would come up. There is one thing I can give all FinDommes and such planning to be one as an advice: Always be in control of each and every situation. Filtering information, as it was in your case. I had a look at your profile and after the third question I knew already that you were going to interview me.
Jovial Denimore: Its nice you didn't then change how you spoke about everything because one thing I really enjoyed from the beginning was how direct and confident you are about what you do and how you believe in it.
Baroness Eisenhart: It was nothing but another manipulation ^^ I gave you the answer for a nice article...^^
Jovial Denimore: Lol!
Baroness Eisenhart: Yes, that's the secret of being a successful Domme: Always be in charge. Control each and every situation whatever you do and profit from it.
Jovial Denimore: Lol! Indeed.
Baroness Eisenhart blows you a kiss: 'Any more question, puppet?' sticks out her tongue.
Jovial Denimore: Well, I'm going to get going and let you get back to working on the rules and such. Again, I really appreciate your time and I enjoyed meeting you :)
Baroness Eisenhart: You're so welcome. Take care =)
Jovial Denimore: You as well :)
Saturday, November 19, 2011
New Adult HUB for Secondlife Users
We are proud to present a brandnew info on new developments in Second Life's ADULT LIFE to You today. On Monday, November 14th 2011, the new Adult Hub opened (the former adult hub for SL was on Zindra mainland but it did not bring as output what Linden Labs had hoped to achieve by it). Preparations are still being done and people are busy working on the Adult HUB SIMs to make the experience for the future users of the HUB best as possible. The official launch date for the Adult HUB is announced for December 2nd 2011.
Linden Labs had put out a tender a few months ago asking for residents to present proposals to make a new way of helping people who do not nessesarily know what adult services and activites are avallable in Second Life. The bid run by the Freedom Continent was successful.
So please, if You are meeting more newbie avatars and/or people new to BDSM and/or more people with questions on one of the Freedom Continent SIMs in future - for example at the ACES Headquarters parcel on the SIM Respect - , don't be surprised and be aware they might have come over from the new Adult HUB SIMs that are locally close on the GRID. It would be awesome if You could help these people further.
The new Adult Hub will be the place where people who are doing searches for adult-themed communities and content will be redirected to in SL. The Adult Hub will serve as an information center which will be staffed with both volunteers and paid greeters to assist new people to SL, and new to Adult themed content in SL, find what they are looking for in SL. Help from how to set up the avatar, change clothes, get viewer setting rights and such to how to where to find speciality SIMs (educational sims, leisure time fun stuff, adult-themed, general SL events, etc).
The current Adult hub consists of 5 sims. The central Hub is for all aspects of Adult life in a little detail and to direct people to one of the 4 further surrounding Sims depending on what they wish to know.
HERE IS THE SLURL:
http://slurl.com/secondlife/Adult Hub/137/138/55
The four other HUB Sims around the center SIM are the CARP/Roleplay hub, the Sex hub, the Gor/Medieval hub and the BDSM/Fetish hub. Each of the sims represents and focuses on their own area of the adult life in second life.
The staff of the hubs are required to provide information about the topic of the HUB Sim that they work in, be it from personal experiance, academic knowledge, notecards and boards that will be on the Sims, right down to direction people to other adult Sims in Second Life where they can find out more information or the adult experience that they wish.
CURRENTLY GREETERS ARE BEING HIRED TO WORK ON ONE OF THE ADULT HUB SIMs, they will be paid 25 L$ per hour. If You are interested to work at the Adult HUB and help adult users of SL, then please apply by sending a notecard to Naaman McMahon. A few members of the D/s academy are already working at the Adult HUB.
Sims are not required to join the Freedom Continent at the location of the new Adult HUB to be recognised by the HUB as this is for the whole of the adult world in second life, not a handful.
We hope that the new adult HUB will help keep our adult communities growing and help newcomers find a positive support system and resources.
If you have any questions, please contact Mirjam Munro, Sidius Core, Naaman Mcmahon, JeZeBeLe Dagger, or Jovial Denimore. The main responsible person for the Adult HUB is Serjourn Daxter, the head manager of the Freedom Continent.
Many thanks to Naaman McMahon and Jovial Denimore for providing the major parts of this information text
Interesting related links to read:
http://sl.governormarley.com/?p=1565#more-1565
http://wiki.secondlife.com/wiki/Adult_Content_User_Group/11/14/2011
http://modemworld.wordpress.com/2011/11/10/freedom-continent-develop-adult-hubs/
http://blog.nalates.net/2011/11/09/sl-adult-content-week-45/
Enjoy Your adult SL experience and come explore the new ADULT HUB,
Mirjam Munro
D/s academy director
ACES Facilitator
Member of the Freedom Continent Director's Board
Staff of the Adult HUB
Linden Labs had put out a tender a few months ago asking for residents to present proposals to make a new way of helping people who do not nessesarily know what adult services and activites are avallable in Second Life. The bid run by the Freedom Continent was successful.
So please, if You are meeting more newbie avatars and/or people new to BDSM and/or more people with questions on one of the Freedom Continent SIMs in future - for example at the ACES Headquarters parcel on the SIM Respect - , don't be surprised and be aware they might have come over from the new Adult HUB SIMs that are locally close on the GRID. It would be awesome if You could help these people further.
The new Adult Hub will be the place where people who are doing searches for adult-themed communities and content will be redirected to in SL. The Adult Hub will serve as an information center which will be staffed with both volunteers and paid greeters to assist new people to SL, and new to Adult themed content in SL, find what they are looking for in SL. Help from how to set up the avatar, change clothes, get viewer setting rights and such to how to where to find speciality SIMs (educational sims, leisure time fun stuff, adult-themed, general SL events, etc).
The current Adult hub consists of 5 sims. The central Hub is for all aspects of Adult life in a little detail and to direct people to one of the 4 further surrounding Sims depending on what they wish to know.
HERE IS THE SLURL:
http://slurl.com/secondlife/Adult Hub/137/138/55
The four other HUB Sims around the center SIM are the CARP/Roleplay hub, the Sex hub, the Gor/Medieval hub and the BDSM/Fetish hub. Each of the sims represents and focuses on their own area of the adult life in second life.
The staff of the hubs are required to provide information about the topic of the HUB Sim that they work in, be it from personal experiance, academic knowledge, notecards and boards that will be on the Sims, right down to direction people to other adult Sims in Second Life where they can find out more information or the adult experience that they wish.
CURRENTLY GREETERS ARE BEING HIRED TO WORK ON ONE OF THE ADULT HUB SIMs, they will be paid 25 L$ per hour. If You are interested to work at the Adult HUB and help adult users of SL, then please apply by sending a notecard to Naaman McMahon. A few members of the D/s academy are already working at the Adult HUB.
Sims are not required to join the Freedom Continent at the location of the new Adult HUB to be recognised by the HUB as this is for the whole of the adult world in second life, not a handful.
We hope that the new adult HUB will help keep our adult communities growing and help newcomers find a positive support system and resources.
If you have any questions, please contact Mirjam Munro, Sidius Core, Naaman Mcmahon, JeZeBeLe Dagger, or Jovial Denimore. The main responsible person for the Adult HUB is Serjourn Daxter, the head manager of the Freedom Continent.
Many thanks to Naaman McMahon and Jovial Denimore for providing the major parts of this information text
Interesting related links to read:
http://sl.governormarley.com/?p=1565#more-1565
http://wiki.secondlife.com/wiki/Adult_Content_User_Group/11/14/2011
http://modemworld.wordpress.com/2011/11/10/freedom-continent-develop-adult-hubs/
http://blog.nalates.net/2011/11/09/sl-adult-content-week-45/
Enjoy Your adult SL experience and come explore the new ADULT HUB,
Mirjam Munro
D/s academy director
ACES Facilitator
Member of the Freedom Continent Director's Board
Staff of the Adult HUB
Saturday, October 22, 2011
Internal Enslavement 4 - "Finding Enslavement part 1 - The Dominance Economy"
This is the fourth essay of my series about "Internal Enslavement". This time I picked the subject "Finding Enslavement" and I am going to adress some of the issues involved in finding a dominant or submissive with which to build an Internal Enslavement (IE) relationship. In the following You can read about the Dominance Economy, statistical data and its consequences for submissives. In the second article om "Findind Enslavement" You can read about places to use for partner search and myths used to deceive submissives online. Most of what i am going to present here was inspired by the website http://www.enslavement.org.uk that provides many interesting essays, a huge part of them was written by the RL Master Tanos who runs a poly D/s household in the UK.
1. Introduction
The concept of "Internal Enslavement" deals with the question if a radical consensual slavery is possible in an M/s context that is based on the pillars of safety, sanity, consensual and mutual trust, respect and commitment, in the physical, emotional and mental area of relationship. According to Tanos the answer is yes. Radical consensual slavery is possible (-> TPE = Total Power Exchange). It is a goal you can work towards to step by step, and you can make more and more achievements towards this goal. Tanos also believes that there are certain techniques derived from psychological knowledge that help with the "examination of a female slave's thoughts, emotions and past experiences to establish and maintain a solid and inescapable state of ownership". When we speak of a "Natural Slave" we mean someone who is a slave by nature ... someone who has an innate or inborn character trait which predisposes them to slavery in some way. This means that while some people are predisposed to feeling comfortable under conditions of consentual slavery in D/s context, others are not. So not every submissive is going to feel comfortable and "at home" in a Master-slave-relationship.
Let us assume a submissive feels that he/she might be a "natural slave" or already knows that he/she is and desires to live in an M/s relationship with a responsible Master/Mistress. Or let us assume the submissive wants to find out if living as slave and property of a Master/Mistress is something that fits with his/her nature and helps him/her to find comfort and fulfillment in life. One might think that finding enslevement is easy as there seem to be so many people out there who embrace this concept, at least by what they say or write in profiles throughout the internet. Yet it is not ... at least it is not easy for a submissive who is interested in Internal Enslavement to find a responsible Master/Mistress that matches well with his/her personality and needs. And this has to do with "The Dominance Economy". Let's read more about this in the following.
2. "The Dominance Economy"
People who have participated in the mainstream BDSM Scene will have noticed that there are far more men than women - online in chatrooms, forums and mailinglists, but also at real-life events like munches and club nights. Tanos collected statistical data on this phenomenon, by doing a survey via the general UK BDSM website "Informed Consent". Over 1200 people participated in the survey that every site member was offered, and 887 of them were male, but only 384 females. By the survey, they also explored the interest of people in dominance and submission. Surprisingly, 50 out of 384 women responded by "ultimate interest" in submission (scale 0-5, 0 no interest at all to 5 very high interest, and together with the ones who said "high interest" in submission they found out that 168 of the 384 female participants in the survey describe themselves as extremely submissive women. While only very few females described themselves as "extremely dominant", around 170 of the participating males saw themselves as "extremely dominant". This is statistically equivalent to the 168 women with the complementary bias towards extreme submission. Consequently, the numbers of males and females who would be seeking relationships between male Masters and female slaves, should at best be roughly equal.
Now, if a man is highly interested in being "extremely dominant" and finding the complementary female to take her as his slave, this does not mean he will be successful with the search and relationship performance. Tanos writes:
"Due to the Master's leading role in the relationship, his competence in managing his and his slave's life plays a central role in its success or failure. Attributes such as experience, responsibility, reliability and knowledge of techniques of Enslavement and aspects of BDSM are highly sought after by submissives looking for Masters." (http://www.enslavement.org.uk/finding)
Corresponding traits are valuable (and indeed common) among female submissives, but they do not seem to be as essential to their desirability as the traits of dominants are. Let us again read Tanos:
"In particular, whereas a totally inexperienced would-be Master would find it difficult to improvise the techniques necessary to establish an M/s relationship; the corresponding inexperienced female submissive can be led and moulded by a competent Master, with her lack of prior knowledge no impediment to learning." (http://www.enslavement.org.uk/finding)
In this context, it also needs to be said that some self.proclaimed male dominants are not seeking long term relationships, despite their claims to the contrary, and are merely manipulating submissives with false promises and fake self-descriptions. If we look at the meaning of all this statistical data that Tanos and colleagues found, we can put it in this nutshell: There are more available female submissives than male dominants with whom a genuine M/s relationship could be started. Tanos sums it up like this:
"This observation leads to the concept of the Dominance Economy, in which real-life, competent dominance is a scarce resource, and this scarcity has negative consequences for both women and men." (http://www.enslavement.org.uk/finding)
3. Consequences of "The Dominance Economy" (according to Tanos - compare http://www.enslavement.org.uk/finding)
a) Female submissives need to invest extra effort to weed out dominants who exaggerate or blatantly lie about their desirability in terms of experience, knowledge, responsibility and even social status and employment.
b) In consequence to a), female submissives may not be able to rely on conventional female social norms of "waiting to be asked", and may need to make the first contact with a desirable dominant. This is something which many female submissives find very hard to do directly, as part of their general reluctance to risk rejection by asking for things. And i may add: It may be even harder towards a Dom who presents his many many years of RL experience ... might make a sub even more reluctant.
c) Not few submissives with a great need to be dominated might likely accept short-term, unhealthy or even abusive D/s relationships.
d) Male dominants must make extra effort to differentiate themselves from the large number of less than honest or clueless competitors. I think many of the dominants reading this can sing a song of this :-).
I hope to have presented a few valuable insights and ideas to You by this short essay, and I am looking forward to writing the second part on "Finding Enslavement" for You soon which will be about various places to use for partner search and myths used to deceive submissives online,
written by Mirjam Munro, October 2011
1. Introduction
The concept of "Internal Enslavement" deals with the question if a radical consensual slavery is possible in an M/s context that is based on the pillars of safety, sanity, consensual and mutual trust, respect and commitment, in the physical, emotional and mental area of relationship. According to Tanos the answer is yes. Radical consensual slavery is possible (-> TPE = Total Power Exchange). It is a goal you can work towards to step by step, and you can make more and more achievements towards this goal. Tanos also believes that there are certain techniques derived from psychological knowledge that help with the "examination of a female slave's thoughts, emotions and past experiences to establish and maintain a solid and inescapable state of ownership". When we speak of a "Natural Slave" we mean someone who is a slave by nature ... someone who has an innate or inborn character trait which predisposes them to slavery in some way. This means that while some people are predisposed to feeling comfortable under conditions of consentual slavery in D/s context, others are not. So not every submissive is going to feel comfortable and "at home" in a Master-slave-relationship.
Let us assume a submissive feels that he/she might be a "natural slave" or already knows that he/she is and desires to live in an M/s relationship with a responsible Master/Mistress. Or let us assume the submissive wants to find out if living as slave and property of a Master/Mistress is something that fits with his/her nature and helps him/her to find comfort and fulfillment in life. One might think that finding enslevement is easy as there seem to be so many people out there who embrace this concept, at least by what they say or write in profiles throughout the internet. Yet it is not ... at least it is not easy for a submissive who is interested in Internal Enslavement to find a responsible Master/Mistress that matches well with his/her personality and needs. And this has to do with "The Dominance Economy". Let's read more about this in the following.
2. "The Dominance Economy"
People who have participated in the mainstream BDSM Scene will have noticed that there are far more men than women - online in chatrooms, forums and mailinglists, but also at real-life events like munches and club nights. Tanos collected statistical data on this phenomenon, by doing a survey via the general UK BDSM website "Informed Consent". Over 1200 people participated in the survey that every site member was offered, and 887 of them were male, but only 384 females. By the survey, they also explored the interest of people in dominance and submission. Surprisingly, 50 out of 384 women responded by "ultimate interest" in submission (scale 0-5, 0 no interest at all to 5 very high interest, and together with the ones who said "high interest" in submission they found out that 168 of the 384 female participants in the survey describe themselves as extremely submissive women. While only very few females described themselves as "extremely dominant", around 170 of the participating males saw themselves as "extremely dominant". This is statistically equivalent to the 168 women with the complementary bias towards extreme submission. Consequently, the numbers of males and females who would be seeking relationships between male Masters and female slaves, should at best be roughly equal.
Now, if a man is highly interested in being "extremely dominant" and finding the complementary female to take her as his slave, this does not mean he will be successful with the search and relationship performance. Tanos writes:
"Due to the Master's leading role in the relationship, his competence in managing his and his slave's life plays a central role in its success or failure. Attributes such as experience, responsibility, reliability and knowledge of techniques of Enslavement and aspects of BDSM are highly sought after by submissives looking for Masters." (http://www.enslavement.org.uk/finding)
Corresponding traits are valuable (and indeed common) among female submissives, but they do not seem to be as essential to their desirability as the traits of dominants are. Let us again read Tanos:
"In particular, whereas a totally inexperienced would-be Master would find it difficult to improvise the techniques necessary to establish an M/s relationship; the corresponding inexperienced female submissive can be led and moulded by a competent Master, with her lack of prior knowledge no impediment to learning." (http://www.enslavement.org.uk/finding)
In this context, it also needs to be said that some self.proclaimed male dominants are not seeking long term relationships, despite their claims to the contrary, and are merely manipulating submissives with false promises and fake self-descriptions. If we look at the meaning of all this statistical data that Tanos and colleagues found, we can put it in this nutshell: There are more available female submissives than male dominants with whom a genuine M/s relationship could be started. Tanos sums it up like this:
"This observation leads to the concept of the Dominance Economy, in which real-life, competent dominance is a scarce resource, and this scarcity has negative consequences for both women and men." (http://www.enslavement.org.uk/finding)
3. Consequences of "The Dominance Economy" (according to Tanos - compare http://www.enslavement.org.uk/finding)
a) Female submissives need to invest extra effort to weed out dominants who exaggerate or blatantly lie about their desirability in terms of experience, knowledge, responsibility and even social status and employment.
b) In consequence to a), female submissives may not be able to rely on conventional female social norms of "waiting to be asked", and may need to make the first contact with a desirable dominant. This is something which many female submissives find very hard to do directly, as part of their general reluctance to risk rejection by asking for things. And i may add: It may be even harder towards a Dom who presents his many many years of RL experience ... might make a sub even more reluctant.
c) Not few submissives with a great need to be dominated might likely accept short-term, unhealthy or even abusive D/s relationships.
d) Male dominants must make extra effort to differentiate themselves from the large number of less than honest or clueless competitors. I think many of the dominants reading this can sing a song of this :-).
I hope to have presented a few valuable insights and ideas to You by this short essay, and I am looking forward to writing the second part on "Finding Enslavement" for You soon which will be about various places to use for partner search and myths used to deceive submissives online,
written by Mirjam Munro, October 2011
Sunday, October 9, 2011
Gender Bender: Whats Sex Got To Do With It?
Humans are a funny creature. We like to have things sorted into boxes with neatly typed labels on them. Then when we see more than one item that looks similar, we can toss them both in the same box. Another item that's different for some reason? Toss it in its own box with its own little label. Everything is sorted, we know what is in each box (relatively speaking), and our desktop is clean.
But we keep trying to do this even when speaking about other people. For instance most of us were born one gender or another (yes there are some medical exceptions but for the most part either you were born with a penis or your were not). And every one of us, whether we knew it or not, was tossed into somebody else's "boy" or "girl" box. And once you were in that box you were expected to have certain generic tendencies. Let me explain what that little box looks like on the inside!
If you were born a girl, you were expected to "act like a girl" or a "young lady". It is the only way a girl could fit in the girl box. She has to sit quietly, never yell or be rude, never curse, never pass gas, never use the toilet, never get dirty, always be neatly dressed...you get the idea. Girls are also supposed to be catty, jealous, and conniving. Stab you in the back if you get too close to her territory....But...what if you are none of those things? I don't think i get catty with people, nor jealous. I certainly am not in the habit of causing drama or backstabbing. I also use the toilet, pass gass from time to time, cuss when i need to and give my opinion whether it is asked for or not at times. Still..as far as i know i still have female parts. And even when i am opinionated and strong...i am still a submissive.
How about males? Guys are expected to "Gentlemen" and "A man's man" (whatever THAT means). They are to be strong like bull, never show emotion, be polite but make sure the woman knows her place, and habits like scratching, spitting and missing the toilet are expected. Guys are also expected to be one track minded (with that track in a tunnel), possessing of selective hearing,and leave their mates to become "football or baseball widows". But what of the men that are not these things? What of the men who are not ashamed to show emotion? What of the men that prefer to put the woman in their life before themselves? They don't have tunnel vision because they are not focused on only themselves. Is it possible to be a man and be a strong submissive? Is it possible for a Dominant male to care for another human with deep emotion? I cant speak for males but i can say that i have seen VERY Dominant males who did not need to punch holes in walls to prove they were strong. They did nothing but say one word. It was enough. And i have seen submissive males with more masculinity than the five top male athletes combined. They hold their Domme above them and will weather any pain or storm for that Domme (or DOM for that matter!).
So apparently humans are not so easy to compartmentalize. Just because you were born male or female does not mean you will fit into a "boy" or "girl" mold. The thing about people is that we live lives. We have experiences as we go through life. We have emotions that are wholly our own. And anyone who has ever burst out laughing or crying can tell you, you don't always control the emotion. Because of this basic fact alone, who are we to judge the role someone chooses for them self?
Is it OK that i am submissive just because i am girl? If you looked at me and said that i would punch you in the mouth for being a sexist piglet. When it comes to the Dominant moves, i have them down pat. I can out Dom half the Doms that come in the room. Why? Because i have sat through all the classes (hell i was there when those classes and concepts were outlined), understand all of the concepts, and know how to handle the job. But does that make me Dominant? Of course not. What makes me a submissive is what is in my heart. It is in my heart to please Master, to give Him the control of the relationship and the decisions, to feel the safety and security of being owned by Him. You cant teach that. Its either there or it isn't. I cant teach someone to BE submissive. They are or they are not. No one can teach me to BE Dominant. I simply am not. Its kind of like religion. Either you believe and have faith in something or you don't. You can go through the motions and say all the words. But that doesn't make you a believer.
So why do i bring this all up? Because it occurs to me from time to time in tidbits of conversations and attitudes, that we as a community are still judging things we have no right to judge. Who am i to look at someone and say "you're a girl so you're submissive and also catty and a drama queen"?. Or "you're a boy so you're a self centered pig headed he-man that's only good as a Dominant". By that same token, who would i be to look at a woman and say she does not have the right or ability to feel Dominant and BE Dominant? The same for male submissive. How do i know how they feel? How do i know what they have been through, what brings them satisfaction, or even what kind of person they are based on sex? ...Or race, sexual preference, or anything else. The fact is i know a lot of VERY good, strong female Dominants. And equally good, strong male submissives. They are being true to themselves and looking for the partner that makes them feel fulfilled. Anyone who has attended my classes knows..this is one of the most base components of finding a relationship that works. Honesty with yourself and who you really are before you can be honest with anyone else. And the only person who knows how you feel...is YOU.
My final Sub-Stance; its not our business to judge or compartmentalize others based on the exterior. Its not fair to stuff humans into "boy" and "girl" boxes then cover their mouths with tape when they complain. If you judge someone...make it on their actions and words. On the person they ARE. Not on how neatly they fit into your boxes.
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