Ok! So you finally did it. You spent the months building a strong relationship with your Dominant. You opened up the communication, built the respect, trust your Dominant implicitly, and formed a rock solid foundation. You worked hard and finally the collar has been earned. The ceremony was beautiful, the guests were thrilled, and you were on top of the world as that symbol of your Dominant's care for you was locked around your throat. You are now a securely owned submissive. Now what?
Recently Master did a lecture on what the Dominant's responsibility was to the submissive after the collar. As i listened i could not help but think to myself that the Dominant is not the only one with responsibility to the relationship after the collar. And i wondered how many newly collared submissives were aware of their roles now that they are owned. You will wear many hats as an owned submissive. Your journey and your work has only just begun.
The first (and arguably the most important) hat is that of the student. Your Dominant wants to teach and guide you. Yes there is training so that you know how to best serve your Dominant. But there are also goals, rules and boundaries to help you become the best YOU that you can be. Your Dominant will give you the tools to improve your life because a better person makes a better submissive. Your job here is to learn. Listen to what your Dominant is saying and try to understand the importance of the changes not just within the relationship but in your whole life. As you receive your goals and rules remember you are the student and it is your job to absorb what is being taught. The teacher can not make you listen and learn. It is your responsibility to pay attention and make the effort to achieve. As you learn, certainly it is ok to ask questions in order to better understand your Dominant's expectations of you. But be careful to make sure that is the reason for the questions and not as challenging your Dominant. Its ok to ask them what the weight goal is on the new diet plan and tips on how to reach it. It is NOT ok to ask why you should have to do it in the first place. Because this is what your Dominant told you to do and that will make them happy should be all the reason you need. And keep in mind some questions your Dominant wont answer simply because some lessons have to be learned by doing.
Along with the "student" hat, you will also become a teacher. It will be up to you to educate and teach the ignorant people of your life (friends and family) when they question your choice to be a submissive. You will also have to teach others who may come into the household as submissives. You have first hand knowledge of your Dominant's expectations and can help them along the way. Just remember that while you may be a teacher to new submissives you are not the Dominant. You can share all you know, but never order them to do anything. They are not there to serve you and have no obligation to even so much as speak to you if they choose not to. But there is another teaching role that even you may not be aware you are doing. When you are patient with others you teach patience. When you show your trust, devotion, pride, and grace you will also teach them through example. By being the best person you can be around others, regardless of who they are, you inspire others to be their best.
Gal Friday. This is the hat that, next to the student cap, you will probably wear the most. Dominants tend to be high energy people with lots of interests. They like challenges because it gives them a sense of accomplishment. Trust me when i say they will take on lots of responsibilities and sometimes more than they can do all at once. This is where they will delegate tasks to you to help them finish all they set out to do. You will be asked to do anything from finding furnishings, to making lists of guests for a party, to writing up and keeping track of important documents. What ever they need when they delegate a task to you, take it completely to heart. They trust you enough to hand you this task and how you complete it will reflect directly on your Dominant in the eyes of others. You want other people to see your Dominant shine but more importantly to be useful to your Dominant in every possible way. Of course there will be times when a task just does not work out as well as you had hoped, but the fact that you put forth the effort to do all you could means the world. It helps take some of the daily pressure off of your Dominant and shows your deep dedication to them.
Confidant. Yes you are the submissive and never forget who is in charge of the household. But you are part of a relationship and arguable the closest person in your Dominants life. There will be times when your Dominant needs to vent and talk about things that are upsetting them. Listen to them and let them get what ever it is off their chest. Just keep very much in mind that what your Dominant tells you belongs only to you. What ever is said is said in trust and is NEVER uttered to another soul. And while you may not be able to do anything yourself to help some situations, sometimes the best help any one person can be is a trustable caring ear.
Diplomat. This one can belong to you any time but especially when you leave your Dominant's presence and meet with others. You are representing your Dominant's household and name. Even if it is just a trip to a shop, when you are out and about you represent your Dominant. Be respectful at all times. Treat others with the same grace as you would in your Dominant's presence. Remember your pride in the honor your Dominant gives to you and show that to others no matter where you are. You never ever know who is watching and may be surprised at how many times your Dominant tells you that someone sent message at how impressed they were with you.
"The President's Wife". This is one of Master's analogies. It goes hand in hand with the "Diplomat" hat and has nothing to do with gender. But consider what the Presidents wife does. She shares her husband with a nation. To run a country takes time, effort, more time. But she is ever at his side, ever reflecting his values and beliefs. In this lifestyle and especially in SL, others will be looking to your Dominant for answers and guidance. Another submissive does not have to be collared by your Dominant to seek His or Her advice. Other Dominants may also seek advice and assistance. And it is your Dominants decision who they share time with in these matters. Sometimes it may feel as though your Dominant has little time for you. Be patient and graceful. Certainly if that feeling becomes overwhelming, open that communication but do so without dramatics. Let them know you miss them but don't throw tantrums and point fingers. Be proud that your Dominant is one that others take cue from. That shows how respected your Dominant is in the eyes of others. And you yourself are part of that. How you represent yourself to others shows your Dominant's quality of teaching and how He or She runs the household.
And finally submissive. This is the one that can often get lost after the collar is placed. Remember that you are their submissive and not "princess" (even if that is a pet name). They are not obligated to bow to you, your whims, or your wants. It is YOU who bows to them. Nothing aggravates me more than hearing a submissive say something like "I told Him this is the way i want it" or "She owes me for that." Its not ABOUT you. Its not about what you want. Its about serving your Dominant as best you can to make THEM happy. Your greatest "want" should be their happiness. Knowing your obedience and trust make them happy is the goal and what should make you the happiest. The moment you start dictating to your Dominant how you want things done, what you expect from them, and you want them to give you is the moment you have lost your submissiveness and are taking control away from them. You are the one on your knees. You serve them.
Certainly there are many other hats i am sure others can think of. Many you will find along your path as a submissive. Feel free to add any you find! The point being is that being collared is not the end all of goals and not to be considered "the finish line". My final sub-stance on this: Never think that just because you have that collar your work is done. It has only just started.
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