Humiliation Play discussion

Torquedom hosts another exciting adventurous topic at the Extreme Fetishist.

Adult Hub teaches Avatar Skills

I'm hostnig the class in this photo. We're building rez day cupcakes for beginners. Learning about the edit menu and how to create our own script in the object. At the Adult Hub on the Freedom Continent.

"the Happy Ending" with Jay Wiseman

A few weeks ago, I was intrigued by a notice announcing a live interview at THE FORUM with Jay Wiseman (Avatar: Jay Composer) author of books such as the "Erotic Bondage Handbook" and "SM 101" amongst others. It was my first introduction to the author and producer of several instructional DVDs on Bondage.

Questions from participants ranged from inquiries about the nonsexual aspects of BDSM, to opinions on an elitest view of real lifestylers versus virtual ones. In response to the seperation, he responded, "..."the Internet has decreased the relevanceof geography...you [are able to] meet a kindred spirit in a way that you would not otherwise; there is the potential for great satisfaction and great pain in online relationships." Sir Jay went on to discuss Second Life as a way to explore and I readily cosigned this view. Internet connections and relationships, especially in Second Life have opened a window of exploration which has set free many closeted and curious lifestylers unsure of ways to experience these deep rooted urges, thoughts and ways of being. Many of these connections allow an acceptace of self that facilitates growth and participation in both lives for individuals who might never have ventured away from their vanilla lives to truly discover who they are.

I was most impressed with Sir Jay's description of what he calls the " Happy Ending Model" of BDSM. He discussed the importance of healthy and positively received outcomes at the end of a scene "...once the session is over are people at peace about it and if so why? If not, why? If they are happy and not too much risk was involved... then the outcome is reasonably ok." As I processed his words my thoughts were that this "outcome measure" should extend across any TPE relationship whether in a scene or not. Of course this is true of commited mono or poly families and may not be true for single night episodes of fun filled kink. Nevertheless, mutual respect appears to be the point here and something that can, unfortunately be neglected when priorty on the *people* involved in *any* relationship is neglected. Irregardless of what your preferrences are relative to Dominance, submission, kink or fetish, a mutual understanding of one another's needs, desires, limits and expectations is essential. This might also mean that the relationship will experience struggles as all members grow and develop individually and within the relationship. Sir Jay adds,"...challeges are universal [in all relationships] although the way of achieving the desired outcome is more personal and individual....there is a role for dissecting things and looking at nuiances and then synthesizing what you've discovered and incorporating that into what you are doing."

Additional dialogue was facilitated around the success rate of D/s relationships over vanilla relationships which is attributable to the level of trust expected and required for a true submission to occur. More than in typical relationships and marriages, there is a willingnes to trust, be self accountable and expressive about feelings that is often absent in other relationships. It’s hard to imagine how a positive outcome could not be achieved under those circumstances as this type of commitment.

Although some lifestylers might cringe at the idea of a "fairytale ending" Having dialogued with Sir Jay and other very vocal and opinionated lifestylers W/we seem to aspire to live happily ever after.

cypher Reverie-Ra

~= Education & Books =~

Hello ACES,

I’ve been asked recently to recommend educational books on BDSM. This is a list books recommend for *both* Dominants and subs/slaves/switches and everything in between. You can find these books on amazon.com, barnes&nobles.com, half.com, etc. Try google as well.

Any questions? You know where to find me.

→ SM 101: A Realistic Introduction by Jay Wiseman

→ Master/slave Relations: Handbook of Theory and Practice by Robert Rubel

→ When Someone You Love Is Kinky by Dossie Easton and Catherine A. Liszt

→ The Control Book by Peter Masters

→ The Loving Dominant by John Warren

→ The New Bottoming Book by Janet Hardy and Dossie Easton

→ Different Loving: The World of Sexual Dominance and Submission by William Brame

→ SlaveCraft: Roadmaps for Erotic Servitude--Principles, Skills and Tools by Guy Baldwin

→ The New Topping Book by Janet Hardy and Dossie Easton

→ Master/slave Relations: Communications 401 by Robert Rubel

→ Learning the Ropes: A Basic Guide to Safe and Fun S/m Lovemaking by Race Brannon

→ Sensuous Magic: A Guide to S/M for Adventurous Couples by Patrick Califa

→ Male Chastity: A Guide for Keyholders by Lucy Fairbourne

~= Happy 1 Year Anniversary A.C.E.S. =~

On December 6th, 2009, the Adult Community Education Society was founded. One year ago today, JeZeBeLe Dagger, Jovial Denimore, and Rory Glenwalker embarked on a mission to bring our communities together through education. This is our story.

Rory commented that he hated sifting through the group notices to find classes and wished there was a group for educational events only. I told him it was a brilliant idea and to get started on that right away. Quiet, and stunned at my order for several long minutes, he finally confessed he had no idea how to begin doing such a thing. I told him he could get started on a name for the group, or an emblem, or the group charter- however it was he felt most comfortable.

A few days later he came to me with an idea for an emblem, a rose, and some ideas about what this educational group’s goals would be. During this time I myself started to become excited about the possibilities for this kind of group. I always hated segregation and competition between sims. I always hated sims who were so competitive and hungry for traffic that they would shun you from their “community’ if someone else saw you enjoying time at another sim. Now, don’t get me wrong, I have always understood that tiers are expensive and very difficult to break even on from parties, donations, vendors, etc. I understood that for many, their sim was their only source of income in FL. These things still did not in my mind justify people feeling like they had to stay at one single sim for fear of being shunned, banned, or worse! And do I really need to mention the abuse that was constantly going on all over SL due to the lack of education, support systems, and understanding of our Lifestyle?? I was excited about this group because it was based on something that was so fundamentally essential for building bridges between groups of people all while empowering them as individuals. Knowledge gives people strength and courage. Education brings us together and helps us appreciate one another, to say the very least!

After about a week or two of brainstorming with Rory, JeZeBeLe lets me know that she’s been thinking about starting an educational group. She had been a part of these kinds of collaborations before and even founded such groups like Teaching Without Boarders. JeZeBeLe, having experience in building education for many years as well as having extensive experience as an educational coordinator, wanted to bring the same into our adult community. I told her it was an amazing coincidence she had been thinking about the same thought Rory had been working on for a couple of weeks. Probably that night or the day after, JeZeBeLe gave me the name “Adult Community Education Society” A.C.E.S. and I was in love. Pretty much immediately after that, she generously invited me into the group as co-owner. The three of us were Founders and full of hope and inspiration, we had been born into this SL world.

JeZeBeLe, Rory, and I began working out a solid Mission Statement right away. We had several drafts we shared back and forth until we had something all three of us felt really good about. Then we started working on what it was we wanted to do and how to convey that clearly so that when we told others about who we were and what we were trying to do, they could understand and say, “That is wonderful and I want to be a part of that!” After many drafts we came up with this and what it is now:

“The Adult Community Education Society exists to provide and promote education for everyone, regardless of sexual identity, race, species, or lifestyle, and to build support systems, provide resources, encourage respect, networking, empowerment, and growth. A.C.E.S. seeks to expand and enhance knowledge, appreciation and respect for the ADULT Community in Second Life. We accomplish this by sharing our own knowledge and enthusiasm with those who are honestly and respectfully seeking the same through sponsorship, leadership or participation in educational opportunities such as lectures, seminars, presentations or discussions in SL focused on ADULT education regardless of SIM or group affiliation.”

In the mean time, I went to work spreading the word. At that time, I was already touring sims as an educator, visiting as many as I could. A.C.E.S. started with Isle of Shadows, Bonanza, and D/s Academy. There were also people who were holding regular discussion type chats who offered to put group joiners in their parcels to help support our mission. As more people heard about my classes, the more I would receive invitations from various sims all over SL to hold educational events. Sometimes it was at places where they had never held educational events, sometimes in random malls, sometimes in someone’s back yard. It was so much fun and I enjoyed what I was doing very much. I was busy 7 days a week! Pretty much every sim were I was a regular educator, the Adult Community Education Society was warmly welcomed. These sim owners were supportive and allowed us to place our group joiner- the lovely red ACE of Hearts card that JeZeBeLe designed for us. From then on, every discussion group or lecture I gave started with a small introduction to what A.C.E.S. was and an offer to join the group. Back then regulars of my classes were happy to join while those new to adult education in SL were not so interested.

Then I once again started to attend classes I saw postings for in the general BDSM notice groups and ones in the general SL calendar. I’d invite sims that I enjoyed attending classes at regularly and invited educators I felt offered good information and resources to others. I looked for educators who were community-positive and were passionate about helping others. I invited those who understood foundations of trust, care, informed consent, and respect. Sometimes I would get turned away, sometimes my IMs would go unanswered and notecards would get trashed (this still happens by the way). Most of the time though I was welcomed, even when people still were not quite sure this group and this idea would work (this too still happens by the way). JeZeBeLe was also busy spreading the word in the building/scripting education community and any other place she felt would be good as well. All three of us were balancing our FLs with our passion for what we were trying to do. It is true what is said that if you really love what you do, it doesn’t feel like have worked a single day.

The very first time I was attending a class were I saw people wearing our A.C.E.S. tags I was extremely delighted. I could not stop smiling and inside I was jumping up and down saying, “Thats US!!!!” It was a wonderful feeling to get IMs and notecards from members telling me how grateful and happy they were to find A.C.E.S. Sim owners and educational coordinators for sims would tell me how excited they were to see sim traffic increase and because of that, they planned on holding more educational events. Slowly and steadily we grew. As more people spread the word about A.C.E.S., the more members would join, the more educators/sim owners would ask to be a part of the group, the more our community felt like a community. We came together to share, to learn, to grow, and for friendship. One of my favorite things is going from one sim to another, seeing the same people and meeting new ones all the time. We get to know each other both as educators and as students eager to grow and feel connected to each other and ourselves. We are free and safe to explore and share who we are.

Of course there are always issues behind the scenes and I have always tried my very best to remain neutral while keeping the focus on education and reaching out to others and not being blinded by other people's (and mine for that matter) personal issues past or present. Yes, it is very hard but I will not give up what I believe in- everyone has something to contribute, knowledge brings us together, education empowers us and is for everyone, and that we are better when we come together and work as a community.

As of today, our 1 Year Anniversary this 6th day of December 2010, we are 665 members and growing.

We could never begin to express how much we appreciate every single one of you for believing in us and growing with us along the way. I cannot tell you how grateful I am to have learned all I have because of all of you. JeZeBeLe and Rory, you inspire me deeply and I am better person because of both of you- thank you for your guidance and love. We hope to see continued growth and collaboration between all people in the SL Community. I will leave you now with one of my most very favorite quotes of all time...

“If you have knowledge, let others light their candles with it.”- Winston Churchill

With deep respect and admiration,

Jovial Denimore

Flagging Event Postings in Secondlife

Flagging Event Postings in Secondlife

by JeZeBeLe less than a minute ago

The SL Education Council have been talking about posting a JIRA on the issue of people posting adult events in the event listings. For one, a business that says, we will teach you how to use the bukakke instrument we sell. Is not necessarily a class to the general public. Be smart about how you are posting. Do not get the rest of the Adult education topics flagged for the method of how the events are posted. Especially if the topic is of commercial endeavor which the individuals have the ability to post said event in a classified ad that costs under 100 lindens to post.

Technically the concern I have is people who host classes in ADULT spaces in SecondLife losing the ability to post by having their information filtered out. Make Adult Education respectable. Use words that show this respect.

https://jira.secondlife.com/browse/WEB-3246 JIRA on the issue of ADULT Paid classifieds not being able to work in world due to filters. (I am told that this may not be a issue, that some posts in the classifieds relate to how much linden people are paying to have them in the sidebar)

https://jira.secondlife.com/browse/WEB-3243 Inappropriate entries in "Education" category of Search

https://jira.secondlife.com/browse/WEB-3245 GIve residents power to vet the Events listings in Search

Make sure your event is an actual event and not an announcement. Classified listings are for parcels to pay and use. As an adult I want the ability to utilize the listings when applicable. If we as adults use those groups wrong the lindens will filter us out.

Be aware, play safe and do your best at what you do,
JeZeBeLe

Everyone Has Something To Offer

Hello A.C.E.S.

In the next few weeks you will be seeing a few new ACES Journalists blogging for us here. We have asked each person to write a bit about themselves and the kinds of things they will be blogging about here. We are very excited to have these people who have a desire to share their experiences and opinions as they are related to the various workshops, classes, discussion groups, etc., that are offered throughout the ACES network.

If any of you would like to become a blogger for our ACES Community, please contact Jovial Denimore or JeZeBeLe Dagger for information.

If you would like to visit us in-world you can click here for teleport to our ACES Headquarters. You can also view our FetLife.com group page here. Finally, don't forget to view our ACES google calendar for the regularly scheduled classes.

Thank you everyone and welcome to our new ACES Journalists! We are very excited to have you!