Mainstream S&M ala Rihanna?

Casually exploring SL and my box vibrates with a conference IM from Dantelicia Ethaniel of Le Fetiche who asks "Are we getting mainstream?" and then links me to Rihanna's new video "S & M" via YouTube (click to view). Of course my curiosity encouraged me to address the button where I was delighted with an interesting kaliescope of pastel pleasures. The video features the artist whose reputation has been heavily tainted with her brawls with Chris Brown who, parenthetically, has been diligently working to rebuild his reputation after their famed domestic assault reports. Quite an interesting flip of the media's attention where she has often been coddled as a victim of harsh physical treatment. In this video, Rihanna makes it clear that "sticks and stones may break my bones", but words are no match for chains and whips which bring much pleasure to the sex in the air!

I hardly believe that her antics in the video are regular exploratory activities for the pop artist, but they certainly draw attention to a cross over from vanilla into something more risqué. Even though the coloring of the video, with pastels, gives it a sense of parody, I respect her willingness to take back ownership of her identity. She seems to challenge the media and the manner in which they portray her. See seems to be saying "I'm not weak... maybe I liked it!"

I can certainly empathize with the development of an honest sense of self minus the need to be what is socially acceptable in order to feel happy and fulfilled. It is unfortunate that anyone need to hide who they feel they truly are in order to achieve mainstream success. It begs consideration of how success is defined and I believe it begins with what makes you happy and feel good. There is no cookie cutter answer for that. It requires some level of self exploration which might include challenging perceptions of the "dark" side which some often find is not so "dark", and in fact provides a tremendous sense of satisfaction, fulfillment ...and yes, pleasure! If it feels good, being "bad" as Rihanna sings... is it really bad?

Perhaps this question is her way of challenging the mainstream as she invites us to "come on." If she's headed in the direction of self-liberation, I'm right behind her!

cypher Reverie-Ra

Achieving Balance in TPE Relationships

Sir Zano Irata recently held a discussion on achieving balance in TPE relationships. The timing of this talk was especially important to me as Master and I work through the typical growing pains all relationships experience. Sir Zano suggested that prior to achieving true balance, both Dominant and submissive need a strong idea of their self worth. "It is impossible and unreasonable to expect the dominant to be perfect;" he stated and added, “there is no true TPE relationship where the power is all on one side. The capabilities and desires of the participants are vital. It is these and not some idealised vision that should drive the relationship."

Discussion participants engaged in a fruitful dialogue about the scales ever tipping on one side or the other of the relationship and each individual grows within it. "A “perfect” dominant and slave would be extremely boring," one participant offered, as the group explored the inevitability of human error and the importance of all parties being willing to accept accountability for their weaknesses and to work together to create routines and rituals that allow all to feel safe and supported. Sir Zano offered, "In a healthy D/s relationship, the dominant will be in control but will empower the submissive in certain areas. These areas will depend upon the talents of both..." As talents are encouraged and developed, these roles might be shared or even exchanged and the process can cause the relationship to lose equilibirum. The group seemed to agree that this is normal, however; the key is ongoing communication, commitment to overcoming the obstacles together and ongoing strengthening of trust.

Mountains only exist because of the valleys between them. It is impossible to have one without the other. Acceptance that change is a lifetime experience allows us to accept the valleys as a necessary obstacle to climb the mountaintop ahead and should inspire a deeper connection and understanding of one another. Inevitably the scales will tip from one side to the other, enjoying the equanimity at middle ground and using those times to adjust and evolve, allows our relationships to flower, grow and achieve harmony.

cypher Reverie-Ra

Turned...Away?!? Sexual Violence Awareness Exhibit

16 Days of Activism Against Gender Violence

"Is This Turning You On" Exhibit

Upon entering the black silouetted door you are greeted with the words: "So, tell me... Is this turning you on?". Once inside, the exhibit begins with a quote from Audre Lourde and two photographs of couples dancing and kissing which serve as a contrast to the graphic depictions offered in the rest of the exhibit. According to Lourde's quote: "Sadomasochism is an insititutionalized celebration of dominant/subordinate relationships, and it prepares us either to accept subordination or to enforce dominance. Even in play, to affirm that the exertion of power over powerlessness is erotic, is empowering, is to set the emoitional and social stage for the continuation of that relationship, politically, socially and economically."

Accompanying the exhibit of photographs, are short descriptive paragraphs written in almost poetic prose which offer examples of various HUDs and animations available for performing very graphic and violent sexual acts. Panels show demonstrations via photos of animations for impaling, crucifixtion, castration and Dolcett play (which involves dismembering the subordinate and preparing the remains as if to eat them). According to the exhibit, there are more than 400 groups in Second Life which advertise some form of rape, snuff and Dolcett play.

The goal of the exhibit, to expose representations of gender violence in SL, is achieved. As part of the "16 Days of Activism Against Gender Violence," an annual event which began in 1991, the exhibit also sheds a one sided view on a complex subject. I am in full support of the campaign slogan " say NO to abuse and YES to respect." However, I fear that the exhibit might cause visitors to lump a group of people in one category to which many will not belong.

I absolutely, positively and unequivocally do not support abuse of any kind. If it is not consensual between both parties, and if all activity between those individuals are not voluntary, informed, consensual, safe, and sane it is abuse. Many of the photographs and acts on display were trememdously disturbing to me. I can not fathom finding sexual pleasure or enjoyment from such violent acts, but as an active participant in the D/s lifestyle would I also be considered subjugated and abused? Although part of the logo for the 16 day event says "Women Unite!" my guess would be "yes," thus finding another opportunity to judge and seperate me from the general population.

I have not always been a "lifestyler" and had my own preconceived notions prior to having the opportunity to experience it for myself. Like any other thing in life, there are some things that I like that others find unattractive or beyond their limits and there are some things that I don't like that others enjoy very much. Submission was, is and has always been a choice for me. Submssion to me means trusting my Dom fully to care for my needs and in exchange for confidently assuming that responsibility, I care for His. How we care for each other's needs is really noone else's business and not open for judgement or debate. I don't feel its fair, or even appropriate to place a blanket label on anyone for how they choose to live their life. I do not support battery or abuse of anyone. In those cases, I try to see their humanity and offer support and/or protection if they will allow it. However, it is a submissive's responsibility to educate herself /himself (refusing to believe everything s/he hears or reads); and to trust reputable sources, while making up their own mind about what is the truth.

We are the only ones who can live our lives. We are the only ones who can make decisions about the course our lives take. We are the only ones who enjoy the benefits or suffer the consquences of those choices.

In deciding what is right or wrong about anything, remember humans are wrought with imperfection. Its the nature of our being. IF you BELIEVE someone IS being abused, the most loving and supportive thing you can do is to approach without judgement, open to understanding. Exclusion only furthers the abuse. United we stand... divided.... well, just more of the same...

The D/s Academy charges a $100L fee to join their invite only group this patronage is to pay towards their land fees. All events are free they do not intend to make a profit. This group in Secondlife promote assistance to understanding the lifestyle of Dominance and submission in Secondlife and Real Life. They host discussion groups and classes centered on the BDSM related topics to enhance a BDSM community among the members interested. Covering a variety of topics such as literature group chats, parties and concerts. They focus on Dominants, submissives and switches with human avatars who try to act in SL same or similar to how they are in RL. They consider our place not a roleplay place, but a chat platform of RL people to meet each other. They have a special submissives' support group that is called "subs haven". D/s Academy is a Lifestyle facility, but we enjoy giving roleplayers and idea what it means to engage in SSC BDSM.Of course nekos, furries, demons, vampires etc. are welcome as well as long as their mindset fits with their chater and information posted below:

Teleport to: The D/s Academy

Contact Person: Mirjam Munro, Director

Their tennants are as followed:

Same as in RL, we think a BDSM lifestyle in SL should be characterized by

- authenticity (uprightness,honesty, make clear if RL persona speaks or a roleplayed SL persona)

- mutual trust which cannot develop without a lot of communication and awareness of oneself and the other

- mutual respect and

- physical and emotional safety on the subs' and the Doms' side.

- to prevent people with a serious interest in the D/s lifestyle from getting emotionally and/or physically hurt or hurt others and to provide them with RL-prooved reliable information about various aspects of BDSM. The D/s academy's work focuses on D/s & own personality, D/s relationship aspects, BDSM techniques and physical and emotional safety.

D/s Academy is a place for people to meet people, to learn, to share experiences, to reflect and develop themselves, to expand their knowledge and skills for engaging in a a safe sane consentual way of D/s lifestyle. They are a platform that provides help to people who need it and have a mutually supportive BDSM community built around the Academy. They are proactive in networking with other groups of similar interest.

1. What is the D/s academy?

The D/s academy is an institution and group in Second Life that wants to help people that have questions on the D/s lifestyle (SL and RL) and are looking for contact to other BDSM loving people in SL (and RL). The D/s academy offers discussion groups and classes about certain BDSM related topics, most of them referring to SL and RL. To enhance a BDSM community among members interested in it, we also offer some fun events such as parties and concerts.

2. The mission of the D/s academy

The main goal of the D/s academy is to prevent people with a serious interest in the D/s lifestyle from getting emotionally and/or physically hurt or hurt others and to provide them with RL-prooved reliable information about various aspects of BDSM.

The D/s academy's work focuses on D/s & own personality, D/s relationship aspects, BDSM techniques and physical and emotional safety.

3. Our primary beliefs with respect to D/s lifestyle

Same as in RL, we think a BDSM lifestyle in SL should be characterized by

- authenticity (uprightness,honesty, make clear if RL persona speaks or a roleplayed SL persona)

- mutual trust which cannot develop without a lot of communication and awareness of oneself and the other

- mutual respect and

- physical and emotional safety on the subs' and the Doms' side.

The only protocol for D/s that we teach is this:

A D/s relationship has to be based on mutual trust, mutual respect, SSC (safety, sanity, consentuality), interest in the individuality of each partner and communication. All further protocol/arrangement of rules and procedures is the task of the individual sub and Dom because it is up to them to arrange what fits best for them.

4. What You won't find at the D/s academy

The D/s academy's events are no roleplay in themselves, such as some other BDSM educational

institutions in SL offer - so no "naughty student"-thing, neither are the teachers to be called "Masters"/"Mistresses", nor are the students slaves and property of the D/s academy, nor do submissives have to kneel during classes. Noone has to attend events regularly, but shall pick what interests him/her most and feel free to come and go whenever he/she likes. The D/s academy events are a service for the members and all that is expected of students is a serious interest in the D/s lifestyle and polite behavior towards staff and other members.

5. Our members

Currently around 300 English speaking people from all over the world, mainly from Europe and the USA, a majority of them engaging into BDSM in RL as well. Some of them have found kind of a BDSM community via the D/s academy, and social bonding goes beyond what You would usually expect at a BDSM school.

If you want to learn and share how to act out and further develop Your submissive or dominant RL nature in a safe sane consentual way, in SL and/or RL, You might find what You are looking for at the D/s academy. We are also open to people interested into BDSM who have not yet found out if they are Dom or sub or simply are interested in D/s lifestyle. If you want to learn how to roleplay being a Dominant or submissive best, this group is not the right one for You.

When You are interested in joining the group, You are very welcome. Mirjam Munro can send You a group invitation - please request it via IM.

Please note:

Members who have not logged into SL for at least 3 months will be ejected from group to avoid too many "dead members" in the group. Each is gladly taken back in the group should he/she come back into SL after a longer RL break, no worries here.

You can be sure the biggest part of the group members is quite active in SL which shall add to the social experience You will have by group membership.

6. Schedule of events and event notification

The staff of the D/s academy is happy to be able to offer 8 educational events every week:

- 2 BDSM discussion group in text chat (every other Tues 11.30 am SLT, Thurs noon SLT)

- 2 BDSM discussion groups in voice chat (Sat 1 pm SLT, Sun 1 pm SLT)

- 1 open BDSM question & answer forum during EU evening time in text chat (every other Tues 11.30 am SLT)

- BDSM classes/lectures in text chat (currently Wed 1 pm SLT and Thurs 11 am SLT, US evening time class in planning)

Dates, times and topics for the D/s academy events are announced by a "weekly events

preview" group notice at the beginning of each week (usually on Sunday). Besides there are reminder group notices at the day of each event.

Here you can find the D/s academy google calendar.

7. Finances

Now You may ask Yourself if there are any costs:

Joining the group costs 100 lindens. They are used to cover a part of the land tier of the D/s academy's parcel.

As the main aim of the D/s academy and its teachers is to help and inform people about their passion BDSM, no definite fee has to be paid for the classes. But tips for discussion group leaders and teachers of classes are highly appreciated.

We suggest a tip of at least 200 L$ for a class. The staff is getting no salary but the tips. You give to them. 20 percent of each tip is used to support the land tier. Please appreciate the effort of the teacher staff with preparing and running the events.

We are always thankful for donations that we will use for the land tier. The land owners Mirjam,

Sidius and PatrickR are paying more for the land tier than the D/s academy brings in by the membership fees and the 20 percent shares from the tip jars.

8. Cooperations

The D/s academy is a participating group of the ACES network in SL (group: "Adult Community Education Society" - ask Jovial Denimore or JeZeBeLe Dagger for info about this group). We highly recommend membership in this group if You want to get to know about a variety of educational events offered to adults in Second Life.

We have the group "subs haven" as a side venture of the D/s academy . It is a group for subs only, providing subs only meetings and one one on mentoring from sub to sub if needed. It is our sub to sub support group. Ask Mirjam Munro for info about this group please.

We cooperate in events with the SIM Salvus Tao (a submissives' retreat), the SIM Fallen BDSM, the SIM Leashed & Collared, the SIM BDSM Retreat and the Twisted Orchid BDSM Club on the SIM Pattaya.

If You have questions we are always happy to help.

Maybe see You soon and all the best,

Mirjam Munro & staff of the D/s academy.

Fallen Angels is a club and education platform. It does not charge any fee to participate in the group. They represent BDSM by hosting events on discussions and social events as well. The group only allows people/avatars who are age verified as adults. They cater to both submission and Dominance in the Lifestyle.

Contact person: Cat Sadayappan

In world location: Fallen Angels

Their guidelines are as followed:

As the events at Fallen increase, I feel there is a need to clarify the different types of events we host, their purpose and who can attend. But first let me define some terms so we are all speaking the same language.

SOCIAL: for the purpose of socializing (duh), hanging out, dancing

EDUCATIONAL: for the purpose of learning, teaching, sharing, debating INFORMATION about BDSM in RL and SL(can also be social!)

SUBS: bottoms, subs, slaves and switches

DOMS: Tops, Dominants, Masters, Mistresses, Doms, Dommes

OBSERVER: someone in attendance but not participating

So here are the types of events we currently hold:

DANCES - social, open to everyone

DISCUSSION GROUPS - educational, while there is a host who guides the discussion, participation is encourage by all

- Fallen Discussion Group (Tuesday nights) open to everyone

- Sub Discussion Group (Monday nights) open to subs ONLY

- Dom Discussion Group (Friday nights) open to Doms ONLY

WORKSHOPS - educational, open to everyone unless otherwise specified, e.g Collars 101 is for submissive to learn how to use their collars but their Dominants may come as observers. Normally the host or instructor does the talking, with attendees asking or commented in a specified manner.

INTERVIEWS: (coming soon) educational, open to everyone, there will be a interviewer and an interviewee(s), but attendees may be given the opportunity to pose questions as well - these questions should NEVER include personal information such as RL location, pics, etc.

DEBATES: (coming soon) education, open to everyone unless otherwise specified. There will be a moderator and specified participants, attendees may be given the opportunity to ask questions or comment at the discretion of the moderator

*Regarding the exclusion of Dominants at Submissive Discussions and vice versa...

While it is true that honesty and transparency are key elements of D/s, we must remember the following

- that some of the topics we discuss are very personal and sometimes painful for people to discuss openly and we should offer them a safe and discreet environment in which to do so.

-that while you and your D/s partner probably share everything, we cannot and should not expect others to feel comfortable sharing their private details with a Dominant or submissive they are NOT in a relationship with

Please remember that transcripts are given out at the discretion of the event host and myself, BDSM Coordinator for Fallen Angels. All transcripts have names removed from them before they are given out.

Cat