Sarrah's sub-stance

My stance

Well as this is the first of my posts (and i love to chat so i will probably post many) i have wondered how to start it. It seems to me the best way to start is to explain my stance so to speak. What is it to me that submission means, what i teach, and why this lifestyle?
Submission to me is a natural state of mind. It is a need of mine to want to give all i am (even if i don't necessarily think its much in itself) and all i have to one Master to own and control. I have actually been criticized and told "This is a modern age. Women are allowed to think for themselves now". Well...imagine that. Yes i am allowed to think for myself and make my own decisions. My decision to give myself completely. My decision to trust all to Him. So my question back to this girl was simple "If i am so free, then what business is it of yours?"
Am i allowed to think freely for myself ONLY if it fits into societies ideals? And what exactly is so terrible, so completely wrong with loving one person with all i am? Why should i let society train me to be untrusting and secretive? Because i might get hurt? Who hasn't? At my age hurt has already been. Deal with it.
Submission to me is the complete giving of myself in utter trust and love to the One who earns that from me. Master Mikhail earned that in SL and RL from me in every possible way. And perhaps because He knows He has my heart completely He freely gives the love i need every day. I may be crazy but...i thought that was how love was supposed to work.
What i teach in my classes is just what i believe. Giving of one's self completely. You cant teach the BEING of submissive. You either have that tendency or you don't (or you don't know yet and and are trying to figure it out). But figuring out why you feel the way you do, how understanding these feelings and needs can lead to fulfillment beyond words, and most important...when to trust. Yes just like the speed date service, the christian date service and hopelessly-single-forever-so-give me a break-give me a date-online service...ALL have predators. All have dangers. Sl D/s is no different than any other romance driven meeting area. There are a few bad bad people.
Being smart is usually the best way to be safe (remember not all predators look like demons. Ted Bundy ring a bell?). And these evil roaches can hide any where in any walk of life. Not just in D/s and certainly not just online. So a good deal of what i teach is based on making CAREFUL evaluations of others and INFORMED decisions. Information i didn't have at my disposal when i started. Hopefully it gives others a better edge and saves them some of the turmoil i went through There is no need for people to get hurt especially when there is someone willing to arm you with info.
But here we are back at being armed and dangerous. Of course we have to be careful. Of course we should be informed and protective of our own safety. A submissive who simply gives themselves to the first person that walks by is little more than a tramp. When a Dominant knows the submissive is smart, careful, and expects the Dominant to try a little...when the Dominant has to invest the time and effort...then the gift is fully appreciated once earned.
The bottom line to me on this lifestyle...its not for the faint of heart. It isn't for the person who hides behind their locked doors every day. And it isn't for the speed dater either. Be prepared to look deep into the mirror and be utterly honest with YOURSELF. Then be prepared for months and years of work that it will take to build a relationship that is strong and healthy. Master and i enjoy just such a beautiful bond. But as He said just this morning, W/we didn't pop out of the box this way. He and i spent over a year just building a bond on line. Not many RL vanilla relationships today can say they went almost a year without even kissing once before committing their heart. D/s lifestyle takes us back to a time when commitment meant something. In my little home town people are still celebrating 50 and 60 year wedding anniversaries. But they grow fewer every year. Just a little something to think about before dissing the idea of my surrendering and gladly handing my heart to Master.

Living 24/7 Real Life.... A Point of View

First of all, I’d like to introduce myself to you all. My second life name is Pleasure Ansome. 

First and foremost, I am slave to my Master in both second life and first life.  W/we met in second life around a year ago and have managed a successful transition into real life. Originally from Australia, I moved to the US (redneck country) to live with Master in a 24/7 M/s relationship. 

This being said, I’ve been attending a lot of the SL classes advertised in the ACES group lately that have been based on real life topics and have found a surprising reaction from people about the ability to live 24/7 in a pure M/s dynamic.  So in my first blog as an ACES Journalist, I want to touch on MY thoughts on how I see  a 24/7 D/s relationship can work and ask the question... is it possible to “live it” 24 hours, 7 days a week?

I would like to make a note here, that I’m not one for labels, and to be perfectly honest, don’t understand all of the “theory” of the lifestyle.  This is why I continually attend the classes in second life, continually share with others and ask lots of questions... we never stop learning and I am by no stretch of the imagination an expert.

So this point of view is purely my own... based on what I’ve learned, heard, read about and experienced firsthand.  You may or may not agree with all or anything I say, but my opinion is that it doesn’t really matter whether I get the labels right or theories or if you agree with me.  I’m just hoping to put another point of view across to think about. And at the end of the day, the lifestyle is about what works for you.  Not me, not everyone else.

Ok, so the debate seems to be that 24/7 D/s isn’t real. 

It can’t possibly be because ‘life’ gets in the way.  We work, we get sick, we have kids, we have commitments and all kinds of obligations in the “real world”.  How can you possibly be living in your roles as Dom/me and sub when you are making these decisions or dealing with these kinds of ‘distractions’ or just chilling out eating chocolate & ice-cream on the couch?

I can see how on the surface this seems to be the case.  But from my experience... being a submissive isn’t what i DO, it’s WHO I AM. And it’s the same for Master.

I don’t put on my collar and “play” submissive until something else takes my attention.  As a lifestyle submissive, Master is ALWAYS my priority.  He is always Master and I am always slave. Period.

Ok... i can see you have a million questions or retorts to that (and none of them wrong, remember it’s YOUR views that are important to you)...  But can I put this to you?

In a business environment, there is a Manager and a team of people. The Manager makes all the ultimate decisions on how the department is run. He/She plans the budget... they analyse productivity schedules... they are ultimately responsible for the smooth running of the department. 

The team are given different areas of responsibilities to handle, given direction, a set of rules and guidelines to follow... but they always are working towards the goals set forward by the Manager.

If I call my mum while I’m at work... it would be the right thing to do to ask for permission from the Manager. He may have even given me a blanket decision that so long as I am getting things done that I need to, meeting deadlines and always available if he requires my attention, then it’s fine to call her. 

Does this mean I’m stepping out of my role as part of the team?  He has allowed me to do that. I have asked for permission and he has granted it.  It doesn’t change our dynamic or what I need to achieve or the “pay” I receive.

It may even increase my job satisfaction and loyalty to the Department, since I have such a great boss that lets me do this type of thing. He/she may put on a bbq or a Christmas Party... perhaps even a “bonus” to build up moral. I’d definitely stay in a job like that where I feel appreciated for what I do and allowed these “little blessings”.

So in a 24/7 D/s relationship.... living it every waking (and sleeping) minute of every day, the important thing to remember is that anything you do is because it is required as part of your role as slave or your Dominant has given permission for.

For me...I may go to work in a high profile and demanding career, but it’s only because Master allows me to.  If I get a night off from cooking and we have take out in front of the tv in my pjs... it’s because Master has given me permission to do this.  I don’t step out of my role to do it... I am allowed... given permission.  By Him allowing me these things, it keeps my brain active or my moral up.  Just like the Manager did that I spoke about. 

I mentioned earlier... the lifestyle is about what it is to you.  No one else. There is no right or wrong way to live it.... From 24/7 to sceneing and everywhere in between.  I just wanted to give you something to think about.

Until next post... I’ll leave you with this quote.........

“A mind once stretched by a new idea never regains its original dimension.” ~ Oliver Wendell

Happy learning everyone!

Pleasure Ansome

Flagging Event Postings in Secondlife

Flagging Event Postings in Secondlife

by JeZeBeLe less than a minute ago

The SL Education Council have been talking about posting a JIRA on the issue of people posting adult events in the event listings. For one, a business that says, we will teach you how to use the bukakke instrument we sell. Is not necessarily a class to the general public. Be smart about how you are posting. Do not get the rest of the Adult education topics flagged for the method of how the events are posted. Especially if the topic is of commercial endeavor which the individuals have the ability to post said event in a classified ad that costs under 100 lindens to post.

Technically the concern I have is people who host classes in ADULT spaces in SecondLife losing the ability to post by having their information filtered out. Make Adult Education respectable. Use words that show this respect.

https://jira.secondlife.com/browse/WEB-3246 JIRA on the issue of ADULT Paid classifieds not being able to work in world due to filters. (I am told that this may not be a issue, that some posts in the classifieds relate to how much linden people are paying to have them in the sidebar)

https://jira.secondlife.com/browse/WEB-3243 Inappropriate entries in "Education" category of Search

https://jira.secondlife.com/browse/WEB-3245 GIve residents power to vet the Events listings in Search

Make sure your event is an actual event and not an announcement. Classified listings are for parcels to pay and use. As an adult I want the ability to utilize the listings when applicable. If we as adults use those groups wrong the lindens will filter us out.

Be aware, play safe and do your best at what you do,
JeZeBeLe

The D/s Academy charges a $100L fee to join their invite only group this patronage is to pay towards their land fees. All events are free they do not intend to make a profit. This group in Secondlife promote assistance to understanding the lifestyle of Dominance and submission in Secondlife and Real Life. They host discussion groups and classes centered on the BDSM related topics to enhance a BDSM community among the members interested. Covering a variety of topics such as literature group chats, parties and concerts. They focus on Dominants, submissives and switches with human avatars who try to act in SL same or similar to how they are in RL. They consider our place not a roleplay place, but a chat platform of RL people to meet each other. They have a special submissives' support group that is called "subs haven". D/s Academy is a Lifestyle facility, but we enjoy giving roleplayers and idea what it means to engage in SSC BDSM.Of course nekos, furries, demons, vampires etc. are welcome as well as long as their mindset fits with their chater and information posted below:

Teleport to: The D/s Academy

Contact Person: Mirjam Munro, Director

Their tennants are as followed:

Same as in RL, we think a BDSM lifestyle in SL should be characterized by

- authenticity (uprightness,honesty, make clear if RL persona speaks or a roleplayed SL persona)

- mutual trust which cannot develop without a lot of communication and awareness of oneself and the other

- mutual respect and

- physical and emotional safety on the subs' and the Doms' side.

- to prevent people with a serious interest in the D/s lifestyle from getting emotionally and/or physically hurt or hurt others and to provide them with RL-prooved reliable information about various aspects of BDSM. The D/s academy's work focuses on D/s & own personality, D/s relationship aspects, BDSM techniques and physical and emotional safety.

D/s Academy is a place for people to meet people, to learn, to share experiences, to reflect and develop themselves, to expand their knowledge and skills for engaging in a a safe sane consentual way of D/s lifestyle. They are a platform that provides help to people who need it and have a mutually supportive BDSM community built around the Academy. They are proactive in networking with other groups of similar interest.

1. What is the D/s academy?

The D/s academy is an institution and group in Second Life that wants to help people that have questions on the D/s lifestyle (SL and RL) and are looking for contact to other BDSM loving people in SL (and RL). The D/s academy offers discussion groups and classes about certain BDSM related topics, most of them referring to SL and RL. To enhance a BDSM community among members interested in it, we also offer some fun events such as parties and concerts.

2. The mission of the D/s academy

The main goal of the D/s academy is to prevent people with a serious interest in the D/s lifestyle from getting emotionally and/or physically hurt or hurt others and to provide them with RL-prooved reliable information about various aspects of BDSM.

The D/s academy's work focuses on D/s & own personality, D/s relationship aspects, BDSM techniques and physical and emotional safety.

3. Our primary beliefs with respect to D/s lifestyle

Same as in RL, we think a BDSM lifestyle in SL should be characterized by

- authenticity (uprightness,honesty, make clear if RL persona speaks or a roleplayed SL persona)

- mutual trust which cannot develop without a lot of communication and awareness of oneself and the other

- mutual respect and

- physical and emotional safety on the subs' and the Doms' side.

The only protocol for D/s that we teach is this:

A D/s relationship has to be based on mutual trust, mutual respect, SSC (safety, sanity, consentuality), interest in the individuality of each partner and communication. All further protocol/arrangement of rules and procedures is the task of the individual sub and Dom because it is up to them to arrange what fits best for them.

4. What You won't find at the D/s academy

The D/s academy's events are no roleplay in themselves, such as some other BDSM educational

institutions in SL offer - so no "naughty student"-thing, neither are the teachers to be called "Masters"/"Mistresses", nor are the students slaves and property of the D/s academy, nor do submissives have to kneel during classes. Noone has to attend events regularly, but shall pick what interests him/her most and feel free to come and go whenever he/she likes. The D/s academy events are a service for the members and all that is expected of students is a serious interest in the D/s lifestyle and polite behavior towards staff and other members.

5. Our members

Currently around 300 English speaking people from all over the world, mainly from Europe and the USA, a majority of them engaging into BDSM in RL as well. Some of them have found kind of a BDSM community via the D/s academy, and social bonding goes beyond what You would usually expect at a BDSM school.

If you want to learn and share how to act out and further develop Your submissive or dominant RL nature in a safe sane consentual way, in SL and/or RL, You might find what You are looking for at the D/s academy. We are also open to people interested into BDSM who have not yet found out if they are Dom or sub or simply are interested in D/s lifestyle. If you want to learn how to roleplay being a Dominant or submissive best, this group is not the right one for You.

When You are interested in joining the group, You are very welcome. Mirjam Munro can send You a group invitation - please request it via IM.

Please note:

Members who have not logged into SL for at least 3 months will be ejected from group to avoid too many "dead members" in the group. Each is gladly taken back in the group should he/she come back into SL after a longer RL break, no worries here.

You can be sure the biggest part of the group members is quite active in SL which shall add to the social experience You will have by group membership.

6. Schedule of events and event notification

The staff of the D/s academy is happy to be able to offer 8 educational events every week:

- 2 BDSM discussion group in text chat (every other Tues 11.30 am SLT, Thurs noon SLT)

- 2 BDSM discussion groups in voice chat (Sat 1 pm SLT, Sun 1 pm SLT)

- 1 open BDSM question & answer forum during EU evening time in text chat (every other Tues 11.30 am SLT)

- BDSM classes/lectures in text chat (currently Wed 1 pm SLT and Thurs 11 am SLT, US evening time class in planning)

Dates, times and topics for the D/s academy events are announced by a "weekly events

preview" group notice at the beginning of each week (usually on Sunday). Besides there are reminder group notices at the day of each event.

Here you can find the D/s academy google calendar.

7. Finances

Now You may ask Yourself if there are any costs:

Joining the group costs 100 lindens. They are used to cover a part of the land tier of the D/s academy's parcel.

As the main aim of the D/s academy and its teachers is to help and inform people about their passion BDSM, no definite fee has to be paid for the classes. But tips for discussion group leaders and teachers of classes are highly appreciated.

We suggest a tip of at least 200 L$ for a class. The staff is getting no salary but the tips. You give to them. 20 percent of each tip is used to support the land tier. Please appreciate the effort of the teacher staff with preparing and running the events.

We are always thankful for donations that we will use for the land tier. The land owners Mirjam,

Sidius and PatrickR are paying more for the land tier than the D/s academy brings in by the membership fees and the 20 percent shares from the tip jars.

8. Cooperations

The D/s academy is a participating group of the ACES network in SL (group: "Adult Community Education Society" - ask Jovial Denimore or JeZeBeLe Dagger for info about this group). We highly recommend membership in this group if You want to get to know about a variety of educational events offered to adults in Second Life.

We have the group "subs haven" as a side venture of the D/s academy . It is a group for subs only, providing subs only meetings and one one on mentoring from sub to sub if needed. It is our sub to sub support group. Ask Mirjam Munro for info about this group please.

We cooperate in events with the SIM Salvus Tao (a submissives' retreat), the SIM Fallen BDSM, the SIM Leashed & Collared, the SIM BDSM Retreat and the Twisted Orchid BDSM Club on the SIM Pattaya.

If You have questions we are always happy to help.

Maybe see You soon and all the best,

Mirjam Munro & staff of the D/s academy.

Fallen Angels is a club and education platform. It does not charge any fee to participate in the group. They represent BDSM by hosting events on discussions and social events as well. The group only allows people/avatars who are age verified as adults. They cater to both submission and Dominance in the Lifestyle.

Contact person: Cat Sadayappan

In world location: Fallen Angels

Their guidelines are as followed:

As the events at Fallen increase, I feel there is a need to clarify the different types of events we host, their purpose and who can attend. But first let me define some terms so we are all speaking the same language.

SOCIAL: for the purpose of socializing (duh), hanging out, dancing

EDUCATIONAL: for the purpose of learning, teaching, sharing, debating INFORMATION about BDSM in RL and SL(can also be social!)

SUBS: bottoms, subs, slaves and switches

DOMS: Tops, Dominants, Masters, Mistresses, Doms, Dommes

OBSERVER: someone in attendance but not participating

So here are the types of events we currently hold:

DANCES - social, open to everyone

DISCUSSION GROUPS - educational, while there is a host who guides the discussion, participation is encourage by all

- Fallen Discussion Group (Tuesday nights) open to everyone

- Sub Discussion Group (Monday nights) open to subs ONLY

- Dom Discussion Group (Friday nights) open to Doms ONLY

WORKSHOPS - educational, open to everyone unless otherwise specified, e.g Collars 101 is for submissive to learn how to use their collars but their Dominants may come as observers. Normally the host or instructor does the talking, with attendees asking or commented in a specified manner.

INTERVIEWS: (coming soon) educational, open to everyone, there will be a interviewer and an interviewee(s), but attendees may be given the opportunity to pose questions as well - these questions should NEVER include personal information such as RL location, pics, etc.

DEBATES: (coming soon) education, open to everyone unless otherwise specified. There will be a moderator and specified participants, attendees may be given the opportunity to ask questions or comment at the discretion of the moderator

*Regarding the exclusion of Dominants at Submissive Discussions and vice versa...

While it is true that honesty and transparency are key elements of D/s, we must remember the following

- that some of the topics we discuss are very personal and sometimes painful for people to discuss openly and we should offer them a safe and discreet environment in which to do so.

-that while you and your D/s partner probably share everything, we cannot and should not expect others to feel comfortable sharing their private details with a Dominant or submissive they are NOT in a relationship with

Please remember that transcripts are given out at the discretion of the event host and myself, BDSM Coordinator for Fallen Angels. All transcripts have names removed from them before they are given out.

Cat

Sharing: How you Care or What You Bare by cypher Reverie

I've found that many SL lifestylers like myself are also involved in FL relationships and marriage, seperate from their experiences on the grid. As I contemplated my own SL relationship recently, I reflected on why we are sometimes able to accept shared relationships when we understand our partner is married, secretly... but unwilling to accept an open relationship where sharing known amongst the participants might allow deeper connections with one another. Perhaps respect for a RL partner is more an understood expectation to maintain the relationship, while in a multipartnered SL relationship it feels like sharing is negotiable since there is more room to insist that another person not be allowed within a couple's circle.

I think jealousy rears its head in all relationships in some form or another, siblings have "rivalry" friends often "compete" and perhaps these acts of seperation are a way of developing a false sense of self worth. There is also fear of lack we all experience... the sense that despite our living in an infinite universe, there will never be enough, that we are not enough, that our partner(s) don't have enough to share and somehow we will be left out, over looked or forgotten.

I wish I had a clear answer for managing those feelings. Some people have an easier time with it than others and I respect them, greatly for that. It seems selfish to expect exclusivity, but is it? Can you love more than one person at a time... I feel like I can and do.. I have two relationships, three children and a wealth of family and friends all whom I love deeply. Is that even the same thing? Does love have a limit? Do we have a predefined capacity to love each person? Is that why we feel more affection for some people than others?

I'll be attending the ACES discussions that address the topic of jealousy, anxious and curious to hear how others are answering these questions. I hope you'll join in a dialogue with me. Feel free to comment, I am a willing and open student! Let's "share" and learn together.

cy

How We Forget by cypher Reverie

I've attended many "submissive only" discussions and often I am so moved by the story of some women who have allowed themselves to be drawn into what sounds like abusive relationships with dim Dom/mes. They complain about how their limits are not respected and how fearful they are that if they talk openly about their complaints and fears, that they ill be released and lose their worshipped Master.

I ask myself and then THEM if they are clear about what it means to be in a D/s relationship and what they hope to gain from the experience. It's as though they have forgotten they have worth, and who they are. Representing myself as a proud submissive, I typically express openly an insistence that we remember a wo/man is only a Dom/me when S/He has a willing submissive (and vice versa). Power differential does not mean loss of common sense. I believe there is a misconception that "pain" is an essential aspect of being a good submissive/slave. There is a difference between pain for enjoyment, direction and control, and pain which results in fearfulness feeling worthless, and emotionally wounded. Although one might expect their Dom/me to bring some discomfort as S/ He is flowering Her/His beauty, that process should always be part of a loving, nurturing and supportive return.

Being a submissive does not equal being subhuman or a doormat. Offering your trust and commitment to serve is a GIFT and should always be received as such. We all need healthy boundaries to maintain our mental health and sanity and because each of us is an individual and no one is a mind reader, it's important that you be completely comfortable and confident in talking with your Dom/me about what your limits are, while being open to exploring things that might make you uncomfortable. Discomfort, however, should not intend to cause you lasting harm. A good Dom/me is entuned enough to understand what new horizons and fulfillment might be brought to your life and allow you to grow T/together and that process can be tremendously rewarding.

Trust what you feel in your heart, and allow it to guide you. If it feels like abuse, disrespect and/or dishonor... it probably is.

cy