Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Monday, January 10, 2011
I made this set of guidelines over a year ago for a Femdom sim I used to teach classes in and wanted to pass it onto everyone because it is a basic a set of guidelines that everyone of all levels of experience can benefit from. These can be applied to "play" or relationships of any structure. Many of you already know them but it never hurts to have a look again at the basics.
How To Behave in BDSM Related Sims in SL: for Dominants and subs/slaves
√ Everything that happens from just hanging out, to mild "play" to full on whipping scenes to sex must be consensual at all times regardless of the situation, how long you have known the person(s) you are with, or where you are. Following SCC (Safe, Sane, Consensual) or RACK (Risk Aware Consensual Kink) guidelines is a good place to start.
√ Know Your sub's/slave's limits and boundaries and respect them at all times regardless of any situation or how long you have known them. Hard limits are NEVER to be pushed by any Dominant at any time. Dominants it is Your responsibility to ask the sub/slave what his limits are, to discuss those limits and to ensure that those are respected at ALL times.
√ It is not okay to just pull someone aside for any kind of play/interaction without at the VERY LEAST asking them what their Hard Limits are. If the sub/slave does not know his limits then Dominants it is Your responsibility to make sure that as you interact with the sub/slave you are aware of how the sub is feeling and thinking as not to go too far and cause harm to the sub/slave mentally, emotionally or physically.
√ All subs/slaves must understand that you do have a right to say "no" or "stop" if you feel you must. A good way to do this is to establish safe words. The norm in BDSM are "Green"=keep going "Yellow"= proceed with caution and "Red"= STOP RIGHT NOW! If "Red" is used, Dominants and subs/slaves make sure you discuss and understand why it was necessary to stop. Never leave without any kind of reflection or after-care. Remember that Dominants need aftercare too!
√ submissives respect that Dominants also have limits and that you must never push your Dominant/Top into a situation She does NOT want to be in for your own selfish pleasure- you would also not want to be mistreated or abused in this way! Show Them respect at all times and do not try to "top from the bottom."
√ Have fun and enjoy what Y/you do. If Y/you feel something is not right then Y/you need to speak up and try to solve the issue. Know you can tp out if Y/your boundaries are not being respected and if Y/your dignity and basic rights are being violated even after Y/you have been clear about how you feel/think of what is going on. Not respecting boundaries is abusive and abuse should never ever be tolerated by A/anyone at any time period.
√ Remember that it is better to take Y/your time and leave feeling like Y/you really enjoyed the experience, the company and want more rather than to leave feeling like you would not like to run into the person again or what just happened was way TOO much.
√ Be responsible, communicate openly and honestly and often. Set a good example for O/others and be respectful to E/each other always.