Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Why is it so hard for a sub male to find a Dom woman?

The question, "Why finding a Female Domme is so hard for Sub men"

Challenge accepted mother f**ker, lets do this.

Lets start with the basics shall we?

First, we all know that there are far more Submissive/Claim to be Submissive men on the BDSM scene than there is Domme women. This in itself creates a massive challenge for just finding a woman that is a Domme, single, active and looking for a submissive man. I reckon the odds on this are 5 too 1 before we begin.

Next, women prefer to do things slowly and on their own terms. This most defiantly goes doubly for Domme women, they tend to enjoy the slow and delicate process of becoming acquainted with a person before even broaching the subject of submission. Women understand that the person comes before the kink, thus finding the right person is a slow process. Men on the other hand do not for the most part understand this ideal.

Then, take into account that Domme women enjoy power. Power for them is not derived over the internet and while FL is a good medium to say hi, far too many Sub men want to air out their kink right away online. Domme or not, a woman is generally not attracted too cyber sex. Sub men seem to push for it like its the be all end all.

Now, Domme women view their Dominance too you a gift. The same way they view your submission to them a gift. A gift should never be given lightly and when a Sub man approach's a Domme he doesnt know on a personal level and offers it without hesitation, the Domme knows he doesn't value this gift. If he doesnt value his own submission enough to get to know the Domme how could he ever really appreciate the gift of her domination?

Also, every Domme woman is different and unique in their own way. Just like women in vanilla life, there really is very little difference. This is something Sub men seem to miss. Yes you want to get to your knees and kiss her shoes but why would you treat her any differently to a normal woman you are trying to attract? Why lead with "I will do X for you goddess" over getting to know her personally and really learning whats shes like as a person? This is a common mistake, do not confuse submission with weakness guys. Just because shes a Domme woman doesnt mean you should approach her with your tail between your legs, be confident always.

Alas, most of that was foreplay for the real reason Sub men have such a hard time finding a Mistress. Most Sub men(and I saying this being one) are complete and utter fucking idiots who wouldnt understand common sense and etiquette if it bit their cock off. I have seen how the bulk of Sub men appraoch a Domme woman and it usually goes like this:

Would you like to spank my ass and ride me with a strap on Mistress? I will do whatever you ask and be your slave
Now lads, What in the name of Christ is this kinda shite? The majority of sub men are after one thing, they want to satisfy their OWN wants and desires. Why exactly would this be something a Domme woman would want? The combination of idiocy and seeking their own agendas will instantly turn a Domme(or any other woman) off instantly.

Buttttttttttttttttttttttttt! What about us "real" Subs you ask? The guys that are genuine, want nothing more than to serve a Dominant woman etc etc. Well lads, I hate to break it too you but we are fucked.

Considering the usual most Domme women put up with on a regular basis why would they entertain you given that your probably no different than them? They wont simply because every time they do give a Sub a chance they usually pick the wrong one and end up with a complete wanker of a man.

Too long?

Ok heres the cliff notes,

8/10 Sub men are illiterate morons
1/10 are into Dom's so they dont need to worry about this crap
Then the 1/10 thats left are royally fucked for finding a Domme due to the fact were outnumbered by the idiots.

Any good news?

Well I have some advice for you, though you dont need to take it. I just feel like sharing.

Finding a Domme, or more to it the right Domme is a very, very, very hard thing to do. It may take years to meet that person, a lot like meeting the right person in vanilla life. Therefore you shouldn't treat finding a Domme any differently than finding a woman.

Be different, be confident, be causal, be yourself over everything else. Be the person you are deep down and apprach the Domme you like as that man, not the sub with his tail between his legs. When you look at successful D/s relationships you always notice that while the Male is Sub, he is far from weak. They are usually very happy, confident and secure in themseleves, learn something from that.

Approach that special Domme with every intention of her being yours and youll be hers. Treat her as a person first because you havent earned the right to treat her as a Domme before you know her.

Like dude, a lot of this is very common sense but I thought id throw my hat in anyway. I hope you meet the Domme of your dreams, just the same as I hope to meet mine!

Copied from fetlife group "Submissive men and women who love them" with permission from author, Punishment.
Original post here on fetlife group "Submissive men and women who love them":

Sunday, October 2, 2011

Pig In A Thousand Dollar Suit

My siblings in service, what is the one thing we have drilled into us at every turn? The one warning that keeps us in check? That we represent our Dominants in word and action. It is our responsibility to behave with grace and honor no matter the situation because any wrong word could be viewed as a failure on the part of our Dominant. And none of us who care deeply for our Dominant wants to be responsible for shaming them.
So it goes that we quietly fold our hands and turn the other cheek when someone else behaves badly toward us. We bite our tongue out of our head and turn to our Dominant to handle the situation. Anything less would be taking away the power of our Dominant as our defender and protector.

Welllll....OK so we TRY. Sometimes we do react when we should not. Sometimes we are human and no matter how hard we try, we can not be perfect. Luckily for some of us we were blessed by having a Dominant that either grants us some ability to defend ourselves in Their absence, or listens to both sides of a situation before deciding we were shameful. For those wise Dominants who realize that in some cases a strong SUBMISSIVE person will not always lie down and play doormat, thank You on behalf of submissives and slaves everywhere. Sometimes we react. It may not have the results we had expected. Sometimes it even turns out that we were wrong. For those moments when we reacted in the wrong, we know we will be punished. But not half so much as we will punish ourselves for bringing shame to our Dominant.

But after some events i have come to the conclusion that not all "Dominants" may be so deserving of this act from their submissive/slave. Plug your noses as W/we head into the pigpen of the "domwannabies"! Something stinks in here, and somehow the submissives/slaves are stuck down wind on this problem.

Let me paint a picture. I will use my favorite unfortunate subbie Sallie. She is sitting quietly in the corner. At the center of the room is her "Dominant" having a very loud and angry disagreement with another person over who stepped on who's foot crossing the room. No, DumDom isn't drunk (though He has been known to act the same way in that condition). And everyone in the room is rolling their eyes going "here we go again!" And there is poor Sallie red as a beet. She can not begin to express her embarrassment.

No, REALLY. She is not allowed to just stand up and yell at her Dominant "Knock it off already! I'm so embarrassed i could crawl into this floor! Cant W/we go anywhere without you humiliating me?!" She has to sit there with her head down while a million eyes turn in pity toward her. She can not express her own humiliation. And no one else will contact her to tell her her Dominant needs to stop because He is bringing HER shame. But hey! On a good note, Sallie is very well behaved. No one is going to say she has brought any shame to her Dom.

See, it breaks down like this; you can dress a pig in a thousand dollar suit but underneath it is just a pig. Sallie is a thousand dollar suit. Well pressed, sits nicely, and shows quiet grace. But under the silk lining she is hiding a pig. No matter how pressed she is, its still a pig.

Now don't get me wrong. I would never say that Dominants are not allowed to have bad days. I would never say, either, that they are not allowed to react badly to something or have meltdowns. Yes put your Dominant on a pedestal. I sure do! But i also remember that He is a person too. He is supposed to get upset now and then. I do not ask that He be perfect grace every moment of every day any more than He expects me to be.

What i am talking about are those "Dominants" who strut around with over inflated egos. The ego so big there is not room enough IN a room for it. This person could take exception to a squirl looking at them cross eyed. They never see themselves as over reacting to anything even after balling out a waiter for ten minutes because there was a spot on the linen. In this person's mind they are being "strong" and "Dominant". It never occurs to them that in every other mind in the room, they are being a pig. They are stomping, bellowing, and squealing over something that likely was not worth that much effort. But of course they have to let the world know THEY ARE NOT HAPPY! And someone had better fix that pronto! At every turn they fail to show grace or tact or even general dignity. I am talking about those who claim the "Dominant" title but have only managed to earn a reputation as Drama Child in every circle they go to.

The fact is, no submissive or slave can make this domwannabie look good no matter HOW pressed the submissive/slave is. Sallie can be perfect in every way. She can sit perfectly, give that great look of importance and well tailored grace without having to say a word. And all of her work is lost the moment the domwannabie opens their mouth. Worse, she is the pigs suit. She has no choice but to sit there while the pig slings up mud on her. The pig does not notice or care that they ALSO represent the household. Not just their own name. The submissive/slave will be judged accordingly. Don't believe me? Be a fly on the wall after the pig leaves. Before long the first thing you will hear is "poor Sallie! Can you imagine having to kneel to that every day? I wonder if he beats her with that temper!" Worst of all, Sallie has no action she take for this other than take off the collar and walk. With a person like this, Sallie would likely be too afraid to speak about her feelings. They probably don't matter much anyway. There was a saying my father  had on a bumper sticker:
Teaching a pig to talk is a waste of time. It makes you look silly and annoys the pig!

So, you see, Sallie's hands are tied and there is no pleasure at all in this sort of knot. She will never be able to make the pig think about action reflecting on the household. She will never be able to gather even a whisker of shame for the actions that humiliated her. It is not her place. After a while she will become worn under all that mud and fall apart. She will fall away from the pig and all the fine grace she gave the pig will be gone. The pig will be naked and exposed. Not that anyone around didn't already know the thing was a pig. Only when the suit falls off, the pig will no longer be able to fool itself into thinking it was special.

My final Sub-Stance; the greatest and finest submissive or slave in the world can not make a bad Dom look good. Nothing can. But a bad Dom can make themselves AND their household (submissive/slave) look pitiful. And while its OK to snort from time to time over something, being so selfish and self centered that you toss a tantrum over just a great way to become another naked pig!