If you have ever seen "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" then you know what my childhood looked like. Just exchange Italian for Greek. Within the first five minutes i was reliving my childhood as "a swarthy six year old with sideburns". So it should be no surprise that in my younger years i was painfully shy. When i talked to people i would turn bright red and stare at the floor. And never a moment went by that i didn't feel like the whole world was staring at me.
Question; do you think a true shy Violet like this would contact a stranger out of the blue? Answer; not unless their shorts were on fire and they needed help. Even then....maybe!
Now we all know about the "domwannabies". They are easy to spot. They stick a "Dom" tag over their head in world and command the first submissive/slave they see to kneel and serve. Then they have the audacity to act incensed when the sub/slave answers "who you think YOU talkin' to" and moves on. Yes, domwannabies are easy to spot and even easier when they open their mouths.
But what about shy violets? From reading my own writing i would surmise most people would not attribute that with me. But you are not physically standing here with me. I can not look up and see judgement in someones eyes. And its been 30 plus years since those days for me. Master has helped me conquer much of my natural withdrawn state. Which brings me to my point. Shy violets have natural behaviors even online. There are certain things they simply wont do. Instant Messaging a stranger out of the blue? Not unless YOUR shorts are on fire and they are offering to help. And that is another violet trait. They tend to be helpful nurturing souls.
Unfortunately there are also the Venus Fly Traps i mentioned in the title. They give off the scent of violet with sweetness like "I'm so shy" or "i am not normally like this". But if these words come from a random stranger i guarantee you its not a violet. Its a fly trap luring someone in. Violets are also not prone to be exhibitionists either. If "i don't normally do this" is followed by "but I'm horny and i see you are a Dom"..YUP. Its a trap. Grant you, there are people here looking just for kink But if You are Dominant looking for a true submissive/slave then beware of the fly traps. Chances are if You listed in Your profile "looking for that sweet sub/slave heart" the fly trap will read this and coat their tongue in violet perfume.
But this is not someone interested in being submissive. Once You step on the trap, that jaw will snap shut, suck you dry, and spit you right back out. And YES i intended you to take that in any way you want to. It all adds up to the same thing. Venus Fly Traps are kinksters not lifestylers. They are not interested in long term commitment. What they want is to satisfy their kink and move on. And if that means tricking a fly, they have no problem with it. Its all part of the role and game. The good news is that the human fly traps don't have half the patience of their plant namesake. Remember their goal is just to lure you in long enough to satisfy their kink.If you take your time, ask a few questions, they will get bored, snap off some rude comment and move on. What is the point of trying to lure in a quickie if it takes months just to get close to you?
OK, so how does one spot a true violet? In times past, the only place to meet any lifestyler in SL was at places like Bondage Ranch. Even i spent some time there. But a true violet will not be in a full kneel position with "no limits" on the tag over their head. They will be hanging back by the fence watching and trying not to get in the way. Nowadays, the newer violets to the lifestyle can seek out educational and safe sims where they can get information without pressure. Violets like to know what they are getting into before they jump. Still not sure they are a violet? Check out the profile. If they say "I'm shy" and their groups are all hardcore...YUP its a fly trap. This also tends to be true of those who hide their groups. Yes, some people prefer privacy of their groups. Others are not interested in being pursued by Doms at this point. But if they invite you to IM because "ohmygooness i SOOO shy"...AND they hide groups? How big your teeth are!! Violets tend to join groups for shopping, or skills like building and scripting. Anything that will allow them to be part of a group and mingle without calling attention to themselves.
Another clue to a true violet; remember violets are introverts with strangers. If you just met someone claiming to be a violet that pours out their life story about sexcapades, sex abuse etc...RUN. Violets need lots of warmth and gentle treatment without a big spotlight on them. In other words you will have to work hard to earn their trust enough before they tell you diddly squat about their private world. They are not looking to call attention to themselves. ESPECIALLY their private thoughts. And while they may be in touch and learning about their submissive tendencies, they are not about to shout that info across whole sims. Fly traps have no problem crossing the TMI line. In fact sometimes you cant get them to close the mouth! And they will lay on the sweet broken shtick too. You know..."i give so much but everyone just wants to hurt poor poor me". Not something a violet will toss on the doorstep of a person they met a half hour ago. If they were hurt, you are going to have to earn the right to be told. And FYI..the "poor sweet meoh" types will use that very same excuse when they are spitting you out and running for the boarder a week later. "I was hurt and sorry but bye". They have played their game and honestly have no care for any hurt they cause to others.
My final Sub-Stance; To find true violets, you have to look in quiet, not so lit corners. Their scent, while sweet, is subtle and not overpowering. And if you want to see them in full flower, perhaps add them to your own garden of life...patience is required. They will blossom but only if you are gentle, give lots of warmth while letting them grow into the sun on their own time. But once they have started to thrive and stretch under your care, they will be ever blooming. Their roots will grow deep and strong. You will have a quietly strong yet delicate bloom that will cling tenaciously to your garden no matter what the weather.
