Monday, January 17, 2011


I am sitting at this computer typing away and trying to ignore the demon in my head whispering "you know you want one. You feel it. Look..your hands are shaking." I am in the third week of the monumental goal Master gave me to quit smoking.
I have been a smoker for twenty years. At one point I was smoking 3 packs of regular marbs a day. I am also a cancer survivor so smoking probably aint the best and smartest habit to have huh?! Master made it very clear He had no intention of losing me or sis to this habit and gave us both the goal of quitting this month. AND He knew that at best He would be unfair and unkind if He smoked in front of us. He quit with us even though as our Dominant He did not have to on any level.
W/we are rounding into week three and despite the demon in me coming out full force, Master has remained stalwart in His decision. I have ranted and raved, i have sobbed, whined, paced, exploded, imploded and just plain fallen apart. He has not budged.
So..What two EXTREMELY important things are being said about this goal?

1) This is a LIFE GOAL...not busy work. It is challenging me to end of my rope and beyond. Because i am working to please Master, giving up on the goal is not an option. Master knows how many times i have tried to quit for myself but just for me is not enough of a motivation to push past the pain. Not failing the Master i love IS. Disappointing Him is a greater fear and pain than i can honestly say i have been through even at the worst points of quiting smoking. In short, i would rather die of heart attack brought on by a massive melt down over quitting than look into Master's eyes and see an ounce of disappointment. This goal pushes me to my limit. As i said, its not busy work.
If Master had told me "Go organize the spice rack into alphabetical order" W/we both would have known just what was being said. I am an educated woman. Any idiot with a third grade education can organize a spice rack. Sure i would have done what He told me to do. But the whole time i would have known that the "goal", as it were, was nothing more than a pointless task to keep me out of His hair. There is no challenge in it for me. And since spices get used regularly and the organization would not last more than a day--reaching goal would hardly be worth any celebration. Which brings up the second most important point of real Life Goal:

2) Master Motivator. Master has been the greatest source of support through the entire process of reaching this goal. He did not have to have any involvement on any level. He could have said "Do it and call me when you're done in a month". Instead He has been beside me to calm frazzled nerves, dry my tears after full blown melt down, and tell me how proud He is at how much has already been achieved. All of this while quitting Himself. AND supporting sis through the same process. Not only has He been the ultimate REASON for quitting, but also the driving force behind the effort too. No matter how nasty and obnoxious i have gotten He has never wavered in His support and love for me.
Lets go back to the spice rack. How much support and love would i need to do that? And how important does that make me feel? ...Yup...ZIP.

So what is the point of all this? That a real GOAL is something that takes strength, courage, and trust. It takes a Dominant that actually CARES about the submissive enough to challenge her/him to change their LIFE for the better. But also a Dominant with the loyalty and love to help motivate and support that submissive through the process of achieving the goal. When the goal is complete, the Dominant will know how much the submissive worked to achieve it and celebrate with the submissive the joy of reaching that goal. And even more importantly, the bond between Dominant and submissive becomes a million times stronger. The Dominant knows the submissive will walk through fire for them...and the submissive knows the Dominant will lay down on the coals so they can walk through that fire.
Setting busy work for the submissive not only sends the message they are not worth the effort to motivate and encourage but that they are in the way and need to "kept occupied". It insults their intelligence and will ultimately lead to the submissive feeling unfulfilled. The submissive will eventually leave and try to find a Dominant that cares enough to really challenge them. And cares enough to really be there for support.

My final sub-stance: Submissives are not ornaments or house staff. They are a responsibility and a commitment. Just as they are committed to the Dominant. Giving them meaningless tasks to keep them busy is not only an insult to them, but also fails to give them a chance to prove themselves. A real goal has a real meaning. And while the Dominant can not help the submissive by doing the goal FOR them, a REAL Dominant will be there to give support and love as the goal is being reached.They look into the submissives eyes as the subs brow is furrowed in frustration, sweating in effort, face snarled and angry as they push through the pain to achieve the goal and whisper "I still love you and you are still MY submissive". It goes back to one of Master's favorite sayings:
If you cant handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best.

Thank You Master, for loving me this much.