Sunday, May 29, 2011

The First Responsibility

Ok..i am about to make a statement that will automaticly raise the backhairs on most folks in the lifestyle. But before Y/you break out the tar and feathers, please bare with me and finish reading the whole blog. I think A/all will understand when i am finished explaining.
If you ask a submissive what their first obligation and responsibility is, they are likely to answer "to please my Dominant". Dominants given the same question will likely give the same response "To please me". Now for that awful statement.
The first responsibility and obligation for a submissive is to themself. Yes i am ducking now and hoping Y/you keep that promise and read on!

Before ever taking a collar and even after a collar, a submissive must be safe and sane. Your safety needs to come first. As does your abililty to connect to the right Dominant. Too many crazies call O/our lifestyle home and hide in it. Your first responsibility is always to make sure the Dominant you are talking to is a sane one. What good are you as a submissive to anyone if you are the bottom of a lake in a cement collar? Also take into consideration that when it comes to real life submission and letting a Dominant enter your real life, you are taking the safety of others in your hand. If you have children, friends, family near by all may be affected if you invite someone dangerous to your life. You owe it to yourself and these people first before allowing any Dominant to enter your world. Common sense of course. But funny how common sense is anything but common sometimes.

So safety is an obvious one. One that some may overlook at times but still pretty obvious. Now what about emotional obligation? Here is where things may seem to get a little grey. Of course it is the submissive's obligation and responsibility to bring happiness and joy to the Dominant. That is part of the promise of the gift to the Dominant when the collar is taken. But before you ever take that collar would it not be rather important to determine if you CAN please that Dominant?
Not everyone is going to be compatable. W/we are all different, have different needs, backgrounds, fears, fetish, and even dreams. If two people start out already going two different directions, they are not likely to fix that a month or even ten years down the road. Remember, a submissive serves and pleases the Dominant but the Dominant also wants to lift the submissive to be a better person. To achieve goals and dreams. A little hard on the Dominant if the submissive has a dream the Dominant doesnt aprove of. Even harder if the submissive has a desire that is repulsive to the Dominant.

So! What good is it to submit yourself to a relationship that is going to fail? As a submissive you owe yourself the first obligation of taking the time it takes to make sure you are compatable with that Dominant. Once you wear that collar and your Dominant tells you "from now on, forget that political career. You are forbidden to persue politics because i cant stand them"...well guess what...your done hun!

Sure yes, you can walk away from the collar. But now you have dissapointed a Dominant..indeed failed in your promise and obligation to them. Not to mention you probably hurt someone deeply. All of which could be avoided if you had taken that obligation to yourself first. Make sure you know YOU, what you want and need. THEN make sure you know the Dominant and that Y/you are both compatable. If either of Y/you has to give up core values or a part of what makes you YOU..the relationship should not go further. Compromise is one thing. But chopping off your nose to please your Dominant is going to lead to resentment.

So what about putting your Dominant's needs ahead of your own? What about the submissive losing their submission if they don't make the Dominant happy first? Lets put that into perspective here. It should be ok for you as a submissive to have hopes, dreams and needs. It should be ok for you to reach for them. It is in how you reach that makes the difference. And the first step is in knowing the Dominant you chose to take a collar from supports that dream or need.
Where submissives go wrong here is when they take the attitude that "ok, i did the kneel thing. i made You happy. Now it's Your turn to make me happy." The Dominant doesn't owe that to you. And the minute you take the "what have you done for ME lately" attitude, start tallying up the count and keeping score...THAT is when you have lost your submission.

Here is where the compatablility thing comes into play. If the Dominant you chose to take a collar from already understands and supports you, they will automaticly be working with you to help you acheive. You should never need to ask them to. And it is not your place as a submissive to demand it either. When you start down the road of "whos turn is it" have lost your submission. You serve your Dominant, not yourself. BUT if you have taken that first obligation and chosen a compatable Dominant...that Dominant will give THIER gift of time and effort.

Since we are on the needs..lets get physical. Yes your obligation to your Dominant is part to do with the physical world too (of course). But you need to take care of you first. What do i mean by that? Taking care of your well being is what i mean. What use and good are you to serving your Dominant if you are in the hospital with pnemonia because you didnt take care of you?
The fact is we as submissives tend to put us last. I may feel sick but if Master and i are out and having a good time, i am not likely to mention i feel like crap and should be in bed. Master is happy. That comes first. Unfortunatly i was not taking care of my own health and as a result now i am really sick and Master is worried...not happy. So you see...your first obligation to take care of you DIRECTLY affects your ability to please your Dominant.

My final Sub-Stance on this: Your FIRST obligation and responsibility as a submissive is to you. If you can not keep yourself safe, can not take some responsibility for your health, and take no obligation to find a Dominant that is compatible with already have no ability to take responsibility for that collar. Wearing a Dominant's collar IS a responsibility and it obligates you to serve that Dominant. The Dominant takes on the responsibility to care for that submissive. It is understood that they have to be in control of Them self if they are to take control of you. By the same token,  it is your obligation to make sure you can be responsible for YOU before you take the responsibility of pleasing a Dominant.