Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Simultaneous Seduction

The Simultaneous Seducer is one of the most frustrating problems we face in an SL relationship, and one of the easiest to become entrapped by. In real life, an extra-marital affair needs to be arranged with care and concern, a work of artistic subterfuge upon which the fate of nations (or, at least, a happy household) can balance. And even there, the dream of actually having sex with two different people, in two different places, at precisely the same time, remains just that – a dream.

Not in SL. A convenient alt to do the dirty, a convenient excuse for a few protracted absences, and even the hottest one on one scene can be doubled in no time. And nobody is any the wiser.

Until, of course, they are, in which case the recriminations, and the hurt, can only be amplified by any clumsiness that suddenly becomes apparent. Like the alt picking up a new lover under the nose of its partner, then happily “playing” in full view of the person they’re meant to be so devoted to. And if you think this sounds like personal experience…. It may be. Or it may not. I touched upon this subject in my last posting, but a handful of comments from readers… oddly delivered personally (maybe the comments box is too public?)… convinced me to look again at the subject and, in the spirit of women’s magazines the world over, offer up a handy checklist.


1. The convenient excuses, of course… “oh gee, there goes the phone… brb” is always a good one, especially if the phone call goes on for a while.

2. Total submission… “I want to just lie here and relax… while you tell me what you’re doing to me. Oh, and really make it last.”

3. An uncharacteristic lack of creativity… let’s face it, a multiple orgasm is a great way to slip away for a while. AAAHHH… AAAAHHHH… AAAHHHH… gosh, some people can keep that up for hours.

4. A sudden interest in foursomes… “do you mind if my friend (the alt) comes over, and brings along her own friend too?” Followed by a lot of very unexpected silences.

5. “Oh sorry, I got distracted”… or, for variety’s sake, “oh sorry, I was just thinking.”

6. A new-found penchant for very late night housework or the like… “BRB, the microwave just dinged.” And will keep dinging, it seems, for the next 45 minutes

7. A brazen cheat will want to parade his or her subterfuge by actually allowing the alt to friend you. And have you ever noticed how your partner goes quiet (see 1-6 above) when your new friend logs on? Their partner has….

8. and following on from that… you can’t keep track of all your friends, all the time. But isn’t it strange how, whenever one goes away for a while… so does the other?

9. Forget all that… if you’ve read this far, you’re already suspicious. Cut your losses and run

10. please add your favorite giveaway here. And, while you're at it, ask your stinking love rat to tell us the ten reasons why s/he did it in the first place.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Why i Where a Collar

Labels are not my thing. I don't like being placed in a category, or compartmentalized by anyone and I extend the same courtesy to others. Observing without judgement is the highest form of human intelligence. It is difficult, if not impossible, to know someone's story by simply looking at them. I appreciate, however, that humans need labels to help them to communicate what they (believe) they understand about what they have seen, heard, or experienced.

I will admit, however, that before I involved myself in the lifestyle, I had all the misconceptions and steroetypes about others who were living it as the rest of the vanilla population. That never stopped me from being intrigued by it, however. I find intellectual development highly erotic and although I enjoy exploring things I don't understand, I am most drawn to things that I have strong reactions to. I viewed submissives as weak and having low self value. I ignorantly believed they were being abused, being beaten and *forced* to wear a collar and/or leash, to be humilated in public and referred to by anything other than their name.

When I first placed the collar around my neck, I can not explain the feeling it gave me. The process of *learning* to submit was a challenging one. I am a bit firey, however, my Master was tremendously patient, loving and consistent. I knew how much I needed him in my life early on; but being an independent minded professional woman, it was difficult to admit, even moreso to accept! Feeling the collar on my neck was beyond anything sexual, as many might generalize. It immediately gave me a sense of protection, care, and peace. The moment the shiny metal touched my neck,I knew that I could just "BE" that there would be no demands other than those of the Man who placed the collar there. That He would guide, protect and nurture me and for that I felt a tremendous amount of gratitude. The collar itself is more symbolic than anything else. Wearing it offers a constant reminder that I am under my Master's care. When the demands of my RL call upon me, the collar is my reminder and gives me pause and comfort. I can not speak to other's experiences with wearing collars, or leashes or any other thing that might suit their fancy. For me, the collar... the leash symbolize my commitment to serve my Master and His commitment to care for me. It is a symbol to others, that I belong to Him, always and in ALL ways. It more intensely relays the message to my mind, heart and all who are interested, that I love this Man, my Master... and NEED Him to guide O/our lives together. His willingess to serve as my King allows me the freedom to be a be soft, but not be adored, not abused... to be respected, not rejected and ignored for doing the things that feel most natural to me. Yes, I can pay my own bills, change my own tire, even raise our kids all by myself, but i NEED Him

Its as simple as that.

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Virtual Infidelity

Hello, my name is Jennys Willful and I’m an… oops, wrong meeting.

Hello. My SL name is etc, but reality knows me as Jenny Swallows – and yes, that is my real name, so keep the wisecracks to yourselves, please. Unless you’ve thought of one I haven’t already heard. By day, in rl, I’m a published erotic author and librarian (no, the two are not related), by night and whenever else I can get onto SL, I’m a dancer and trainer at Dark Side; and, by both day and night, my volunteer work as a relationships councilor for various local (rl) organizations set me up in ways I never imagined for a life inside SL. Or is it the other way around?

We speak a lot about relationships in SL, but we are also aware that (with the obvious exception of when they spill into rl), that the relationship is solely with whatever aspect of your partner’s personality they care to show. With the key word being “solely.”

An owner who is in a loving and committed relationship with her/his slave, in which more secrets and dreams have been shared than with any rl counterpart (for that is another attraction of SL – you really can say what you think), might not dream that the slave is leading an equally committed relationship as the owner of another slave, in the guise of a well-disguised alt. But it happens, and probably a lot more than any of us – even the suspicious ones among us – realize. For, short of monitoring your online playmate’s online existence 24/7, you have no way of knowing, and in any case, is it even our concern?

In some ways, it is. You enter into an SL relationship in the belief that what you tell and are told comes from the heart, at least within the parameters of the game.

No, when the girl you met last Saturday tells you that she is happier than she has ever been in her entire life, and loves you from the bottom of her heart, your rl self probably takes her words with a pinch of salt.

When the guy you’ve been seeing for the last month suddenly brings out the anal hook and asks you to impale his ass, you know that he is more likely to be exercising his curiosity, than reliving the last seventeen times it happened in rl.

At the same time, however, some things must be taken at face value, for otherwise the entire SL experience is reduced to a bizarre game of charades. Her cries of genuine surprise and delight the first time you drip hot wax on her nipples suggest to you that this is indeed a brand new sensation. His insistence that meeting you has been a truly life changing experience should be more than hollow platitude, especially if he can back it up with rl examples.

We accept that much of what we see and hear in SL is role-playing, but some truths are more sacred than others, and the thought that those same truths might well have been uttered by the same person, through a different avatar, just fifteen minutes ago, could be seen to cross that boundary.

At the same time, however, how much of your own personality is truly revealed to your partner? Most of us, probably, would say “all of it” – or, at least, as much as is necessary to allow you the immersion you need to enjoy the game. We do not lightly use words such as “love,” “devotion,” and “please do me again with the cactus.” But we would be fooling ourselves if we said that, because something is always held back, just as it is in rl. The Master who fantasizes about being a mernaid. The tiny who wants to be an amazon. The dancer who dreams of being a soldier.

So, what do we do? We create an alt and live out those fantasies through it – and we don’t even consider it to be cheating because we are exercising a completely different aspect of our personality, for completely different ends. They become, in effect, two completely different people operating out of the same rl body, and provoking completely different responses and emotions in that body.

Which is fine until we screw up – completely forgetting which av you signed on as, and loudly blaming the Lindens because none of your landmarks are there. Buying yourself in a slave auction, because you can’t bear to be left unsold. And asking yourself how you are feeling is a total no-no, even in the most relaxed rl situation. Doing so when your only means of explanation are fast typing skills and a slice of self-deprecation (“it’s okay, last week I was talking to the wallpaper”) is… well, it’s not fatal.

But it does leave your partner with their first unanswered question – which, once the computers have been shut down – can rapidly multiply into a host of others. And where questions are asked, answers quickly follow, and in the wee small hours of the night, you can bet that those answers are not the most considered ones.

Where are we going here? For now, nowhere. I intend continuing to follow this line of thought in future postings, but I hope first to open it up for discussion here. Is your alt a cheating scumbag? Or is your partner just being paranoid? Answers in the comment box below, please.