How We Forget by cypher Reverie

I've attended many "submissive only" discussions and often I am so moved by the story of some women who have allowed themselves to be drawn into what sounds like abusive relationships with dim Dom/mes. They complain about how their limits are not respected and how fearful they are that if they talk openly about their complaints and fears, that they ill be released and lose their worshipped Master.

I ask myself and then THEM if they are clear about what it means to be in a D/s relationship and what they hope to gain from the experience. It's as though they have forgotten they have worth, and who they are. Representing myself as a proud submissive, I typically express openly an insistence that we remember a wo/man is only a Dom/me when S/He has a willing submissive (and vice versa). Power differential does not mean loss of common sense. I believe there is a misconception that "pain" is an essential aspect of being a good submissive/slave. There is a difference between pain for enjoyment, direction and control, and pain which results in fearfulness feeling worthless, and emotionally wounded. Although one might expect their Dom/me to bring some discomfort as S/ He is flowering Her/His beauty, that process should always be part of a loving, nurturing and supportive return.

Being a submissive does not equal being subhuman or a doormat. Offering your trust and commitment to serve is a GIFT and should always be received as such. We all need healthy boundaries to maintain our mental health and sanity and because each of us is an individual and no one is a mind reader, it's important that you be completely comfortable and confident in talking with your Dom/me about what your limits are, while being open to exploring things that might make you uncomfortable. Discomfort, however, should not intend to cause you lasting harm. A good Dom/me is entuned enough to understand what new horizons and fulfillment might be brought to your life and allow you to grow T/together and that process can be tremendously rewarding.

Trust what you feel in your heart, and allow it to guide you. If it feels like abuse, disrespect and/or dishonor... it probably is.

cy