~= Happy 1 Year Anniversary A.C.E.S. =~

On December 6th, 2009, the Adult Community Education Society was founded. One year ago today, JeZeBeLe Dagger, Jovial Denimore, and Rory Glenwalker embarked on a mission to bring our communities together through education. This is our story.

Rory commented that he hated sifting through the group notices to find classes and wished there was a group for educational events only. I told him it was a brilliant idea and to get started on that right away. Quiet, and stunned at my order for several long minutes, he finally confessed he had no idea how to begin doing such a thing. I told him he could get started on a name for the group, or an emblem, or the group charter- however it was he felt most comfortable.

A few days later he came to me with an idea for an emblem, a rose, and some ideas about what this educational group’s goals would be. During this time I myself started to become excited about the possibilities for this kind of group. I always hated segregation and competition between sims. I always hated sims who were so competitive and hungry for traffic that they would shun you from their “community’ if someone else saw you enjoying time at another sim. Now, don’t get me wrong, I have always understood that tiers are expensive and very difficult to break even on from parties, donations, vendors, etc. I understood that for many, their sim was their only source of income in FL. These things still did not in my mind justify people feeling like they had to stay at one single sim for fear of being shunned, banned, or worse! And do I really need to mention the abuse that was constantly going on all over SL due to the lack of education, support systems, and understanding of our Lifestyle?? I was excited about this group because it was based on something that was so fundamentally essential for building bridges between groups of people all while empowering them as individuals. Knowledge gives people strength and courage. Education brings us together and helps us appreciate one another, to say the very least!

After about a week or two of brainstorming with Rory, JeZeBeLe lets me know that she’s been thinking about starting an educational group. She had been a part of these kinds of collaborations before and even founded such groups like Teaching Without Boarders. JeZeBeLe, having experience in building education for many years as well as having extensive experience as an educational coordinator, wanted to bring the same into our adult community. I told her it was an amazing coincidence she had been thinking about the same thought Rory had been working on for a couple of weeks. Probably that night or the day after, JeZeBeLe gave me the name “Adult Community Education Society” A.C.E.S. and I was in love. Pretty much immediately after that, she generously invited me into the group as co-owner. The three of us were Founders and full of hope and inspiration, we had been born into this SL world.

JeZeBeLe, Rory, and I began working out a solid Mission Statement right away. We had several drafts we shared back and forth until we had something all three of us felt really good about. Then we started working on what it was we wanted to do and how to convey that clearly so that when we told others about who we were and what we were trying to do, they could understand and say, “That is wonderful and I want to be a part of that!” After many drafts we came up with this and what it is now:

“The Adult Community Education Society exists to provide and promote education for everyone, regardless of sexual identity, race, species, or lifestyle, and to build support systems, provide resources, encourage respect, networking, empowerment, and growth. A.C.E.S. seeks to expand and enhance knowledge, appreciation and respect for the ADULT Community in Second Life. We accomplish this by sharing our own knowledge and enthusiasm with those who are honestly and respectfully seeking the same through sponsorship, leadership or participation in educational opportunities such as lectures, seminars, presentations or discussions in SL focused on ADULT education regardless of SIM or group affiliation.”

In the mean time, I went to work spreading the word. At that time, I was already touring sims as an educator, visiting as many as I could. A.C.E.S. started with Isle of Shadows, Bonanza, and D/s Academy. There were also people who were holding regular discussion type chats who offered to put group joiners in their parcels to help support our mission. As more people heard about my classes, the more I would receive invitations from various sims all over SL to hold educational events. Sometimes it was at places where they had never held educational events, sometimes in random malls, sometimes in someone’s back yard. It was so much fun and I enjoyed what I was doing very much. I was busy 7 days a week! Pretty much every sim were I was a regular educator, the Adult Community Education Society was warmly welcomed. These sim owners were supportive and allowed us to place our group joiner- the lovely red ACE of Hearts card that JeZeBeLe designed for us. From then on, every discussion group or lecture I gave started with a small introduction to what A.C.E.S. was and an offer to join the group. Back then regulars of my classes were happy to join while those new to adult education in SL were not so interested.

Then I once again started to attend classes I saw postings for in the general BDSM notice groups and ones in the general SL calendar. I’d invite sims that I enjoyed attending classes at regularly and invited educators I felt offered good information and resources to others. I looked for educators who were community-positive and were passionate about helping others. I invited those who understood foundations of trust, care, informed consent, and respect. Sometimes I would get turned away, sometimes my IMs would go unanswered and notecards would get trashed (this still happens by the way). Most of the time though I was welcomed, even when people still were not quite sure this group and this idea would work (this too still happens by the way). JeZeBeLe was also busy spreading the word in the building/scripting education community and any other place she felt would be good as well. All three of us were balancing our FLs with our passion for what we were trying to do. It is true what is said that if you really love what you do, it doesn’t feel like have worked a single day.

The very first time I was attending a class were I saw people wearing our A.C.E.S. tags I was extremely delighted. I could not stop smiling and inside I was jumping up and down saying, “Thats US!!!!” It was a wonderful feeling to get IMs and notecards from members telling me how grateful and happy they were to find A.C.E.S. Sim owners and educational coordinators for sims would tell me how excited they were to see sim traffic increase and because of that, they planned on holding more educational events. Slowly and steadily we grew. As more people spread the word about A.C.E.S., the more members would join, the more educators/sim owners would ask to be a part of the group, the more our community felt like a community. We came together to share, to learn, to grow, and for friendship. One of my favorite things is going from one sim to another, seeing the same people and meeting new ones all the time. We get to know each other both as educators and as students eager to grow and feel connected to each other and ourselves. We are free and safe to explore and share who we are.

Of course there are always issues behind the scenes and I have always tried my very best to remain neutral while keeping the focus on education and reaching out to others and not being blinded by other people's (and mine for that matter) personal issues past or present. Yes, it is very hard but I will not give up what I believe in- everyone has something to contribute, knowledge brings us together, education empowers us and is for everyone, and that we are better when we come together and work as a community.

As of today, our 1 Year Anniversary this 6th day of December 2010, we are 665 members and growing.

We could never begin to express how much we appreciate every single one of you for believing in us and growing with us along the way. I cannot tell you how grateful I am to have learned all I have because of all of you. JeZeBeLe and Rory, you inspire me deeply and I am better person because of both of you- thank you for your guidance and love. We hope to see continued growth and collaboration between all people in the SL Community. I will leave you now with one of my most very favorite quotes of all time...

“If you have knowledge, let others light their candles with it.”- Winston Churchill

With deep respect and admiration,

Jovial Denimore

Possession

This is not a confession. It’s not a true story. It’s just a short piece of fiction that I sometimes call upon when I’m teaching. Make of it what you will.

________________________________________________

She’s weak, she’s strong, she’s whatever I say she is.

She loves me, she feels me, she does whatever I tell her to.

Sometimes when I call her to me, she says she has other plans. I accede to them gracefully without a word of dissent. She has me, she thinks, where she wants me. She does not know that I have her.

Sometimes I will beg a boon. May I visit you, my Lady? And I stand and drink in her beauty, bathe in her radiance, dance in her spotlight. For that is what she requires of me and we all know, what my Lady craves, she shall receive.

I give her all she desires. And, in return, she gives me herself.

I live in her dreams and I fascinate her. I walk in her reality and I satisfy her. I step between the two dimensions, virtual and actual, as though the barrier were butter. And, when she tells me that she has never felt this way before, she believes she speaks only of her role in the game. That the words she types are the moment’s alone and, once they are spoken, they are forgotten. But she is wrong.

All of the memories that she laughingly gushes, all of the dreams that she whispers in pillow talk, I preserve them in pixel, animation and script, so that when she steps into the world I have invented, she steps into a world that she knows and loves.

“Why, there is the church I used to walk past to school.”

“Why, there is the stream that I fell in while playing.”

“Why, there’s the old post office where I used to buy candy.”

And the words that she says to me in that half-forgotten landscape become a part of her memories of that land, permanently seared upon her soul. They can not be discarded as the passion of the mind, for we are not playing a game here, my Lady, or rather, we are not playing the game you believe. When you see that church now, you will see me in the doorway. When you think of that stream, you’ll feel my hands helping you out. When you remember that candy, you’ll be tasting my sweets.

You tell me you love me, and you tell yourself that those are just words in a game.

But who do you look for when you first log on, and keep looking for on the nights I don’t appear?

Who is waiting in the back of your mind when you turn away from your computer and return to reality?

Who is the first person you say more than “good morning” to when you arise every day?

And the last you say “goodnight” to when you go to bed at night?

I cannot be dismissed like the lights you switch off behind you as you climb those lonely stairs; I cannot be brushed away like the hand of your husband as he reaches for you in his half-asleep horniness. I cannot be blacked out like the computer image that you stared at since the moment you got home, and which is branded upon your retina when your eyelids close to sleep. And I cannot be discarded like the friends that you have parted with, since I told you they don’t understand us. In real life, you tell yourself that I only exist on the Internet. But for now, it is enough that I simply exist. For now.

Who knows your deepest secrets, your most fiery fantasies? Not the man you call your husband.

She gets wet to my words, she orgasms at my command.

I control her.

She speaks words and emotions that no other lover has ever heard.

I possess her.

She tells me of her oldest dreams, and I make them come true.

I own her.

“Build me a castle where I can be Queen.”

“Build me an ocean where I might swim.”

“Buy me a gown that I may look lovely.”

And I hasten to obey because that is what she asks of me, and the gifts grow as extravagant as my generosity.

At first she chooses, but soon I make the selections, dressing her as I wish to dress her, in the styles that I choose myself. And, as the styles and what they say slowly change, so does their nature.

“I have a gift for you, my lady, as exquisite as you are. May I have an address to send it to?”

I know where she lives

And she falls deeper under my spell, darker into her own living nightmare – the nightmare where she has lost all control, while thinking that she rules the world.

The game is slow. It may take weeks, it may take months. But the play is as exquisite as the end result, and why hurry the perfection of my art?

“I crave the touch of your hand,” I moan as our avatars grind in poseballed perfection.

“Then let me touch myself,” she says, and she types a long gasp with suddenly moistened fingers..

“I long to hear your voice,” I whisper, as our pledges and promises tumble out in mad passion.

“Then let me whisper your name,” she replies, and she switches on her microphone, “just for a second, while there’s no-one around.”

“I need to glimpse your flesh,” I gasp, as her fingers flash the words that tell me what she wishes.

“Then let me give you that glimpse,” she giggles, as she activates her cam and shyly flashes a breast. And I type a long moan as I speak of its beauty, as she clicks on the box that brings my cam to her screen, then types her own liquid longing for the image she sees.

“Touch me,” I breathe and her finger snakes out, to run down my cock as it hangs on her screen.

“Kiss it,” I whisper and she inclines her head, her lips to the screen of the laptop she bought so she could manage the household and play online banker.

“And fuck me,” I cry as she lowers her lens and I look and I listen as she rides her imagination to orgasm – the imagination that I created in my very own image; the imagination that will follow her wherever else she goes.

She asks if she can text me when she is not near her laptop. I give her my number. Her first notes are shy, all fingers and thumbs, misspelled abbreviations like a child’s first code. But they will grow.

I pay a few dollars for an online subscription. Her phone number becomes an address, and a search result in Google maps. I study her neighborhood and then tell her of my home… that has the same color siding, the same kind of garden, the same favorite trees. We aren’t simply one in love and devotion, she breathes. We are one in spirit too.

I agree and I bring us closer still. And closer and closer, until I could almost believe that I really do care for the woman who grinds on the carpet when my buddies come round to watch the Internet show. Whose moving image is “live” on the web, you can search for it now if you like… yes, I’ll wait. It’s called “horny housewife calling my name.”

Her photos are seeded across a dozen more websites. I’ve even posted the audio for the whole world to hear, because a beauty this rare should not be kept to myself. It should be shared with everyone who appreciates her talents.

Including, should they ever mouse in the right direction, her husband… her son… her employer… her friends.

But that is another game, one that I will not be here to play, because I will be playing another by then. I will have tired of her, her neediness, her love, and I will do so in the knowledge that I can move on.

But she can’t.

Grateful Heart

Yes i know. Thanks Giving is over. But maybe that is exactly why this is a good time to really think about gratitude. The hub of activity is past, the china washed and put away, and the big turkey reduced to a soup pot. Christmas is just around the corner but right now there is a chance to take a breath and reflect on the meanings of things like real gifts and gratitude.
The definition of a gift is something of value given freely without the expectation of anything in return. We already know submission itself is a gift. That for us as submissives our gift to our Dominant is our very being and is a gift (if given fully) that has more value than any dollar amount; our very life and breath. We offer ourselves in the service of the Dominant in the deepest hope that we can please them, be useful to them, and bring them happiness in being Dominant. We give this gift (hopefully) to the One we feel has earned the trust and respect from us necessary to kneel. When you really think about it, the most valued of gifts we give are only for those we truly DO feel trust and respect for. After all what is the point of giving a gift to someone we don't feel will appreciate its worth? This is why i stress over and over that submissives take their time and be certain when they give themselves. Don't give that gift until you are sure it will be respected.

Of course the next question is likely to be "but what of the Dominant's gift in return?" Well if you are expecting gifts in return then you have already lost the meaning of "gift". But then vanilla training has us programed to expect things in return. Unfortunately this mindset has created a generation of people with a sense of entitlement. If you buy your best friend a gift does that make it manditory they give one back? True gifts don't come with strings. The greatest gift back your friend can give is enjoying the gift you gave.

Thus is the point of a Dominant's gift. That They appreciate the gift of submission. The gifts of the Dominant are sadly often overlooked and unappreciated by the submissive. A Dominant gives care, time, guidence, fogiveness, protection, and many other gifts. All of this they give as they appreciate the submissive. Yet too often i have heard submissives complain these are not "enough". Yes it is easy to expect more once these things are given but once it is expected ..its not a gift. Even worse are the "compairson shoppers". The ones who compair what the Dominant gives them to what is given to others. "He gives her more time" or "She cares more about my siblings problems than mine". These concepts only make us sound like spoiled children competing for attention.
Its not about competition or entitlement. Its about being grateful for the gift. If your Dominant spends time with you...cherish that time. If your Dominant gives you direction or correction...listen and try to learn from it. Realize that when a Dominant gives these things, He or She is appreciating your gift of submission..and giving back by BEING Dominant. Understand that they give these things because they do respect your gift and not because they "owe" it to you. And whatever they give to other people has nothing to do with the value of the gifts they give to you. A gift only has value if the person who receives it truly appreciates it. If my RL collar had been a macaroni necklace i would have loved it just as much because its not the object itself that mattered..but the spirit and love behind Master giving it to me that mattered.

The only time a gift like this should be questioned is if it is not appreciated at all. A Dominant that does not appreciate the submissive will not give any time or effort. Thus the gift of submission was given to someone who really didnt want it. Sort of like giving someone a very expensive coat for christmas and they never wear it. Maybe it doesnt fit, or maybe they already have enough..they thank you for it and maybe even feel a little bad but they just dont want it. You cant demand they wear it...or give it back. Nor can you expect them to give you one in return or repay you for it. You have to simply accept the gift was not appreciated and make better choices next time.
But if the coat is worn with a smile, even just a few times during the season, treasure its worth and take joy from knowing it is cherished.

**Dedicated to Master: I see every day in the little things You do how much You love and cherish me. Your love and care of me means more then i have words for. Thank You Master..with all my heart.

Simultaneous Seduction

The Simultaneous Seducer is one of the most frustrating problems we face in an SL relationship, and one of the easiest to become entrapped by. In real life, an extra-marital affair needs to be arranged with care and concern, a work of artistic subterfuge upon which the fate of nations (or, at least, a happy household) can balance. And even there, the dream of actually having sex with two different people, in two different places, at precisely the same time, remains just that – a dream.

Not in SL. A convenient alt to do the dirty, a convenient excuse for a few protracted absences, and even the hottest one on one scene can be doubled in no time. And nobody is any the wiser.

Until, of course, they are, in which case the recriminations, and the hurt, can only be amplified by any clumsiness that suddenly becomes apparent. Like the alt picking up a new lover under the nose of its partner, then happily “playing” in full view of the person they’re meant to be so devoted to. And if you think this sounds like personal experience…. It may be. Or it may not. I touched upon this subject in my last posting, but a handful of comments from readers… oddly delivered personally (maybe the comments box is too public?)… convinced me to look again at the subject and, in the spirit of women’s magazines the world over, offer up a handy checklist.

HAVING YOUR CAKE AND F*CKING IT TOO - TEN WAYS TO KNOW IF YOUR PARTNER IS A SERIAL CHEAT

1. The convenient excuses, of course… “oh gee, there goes the phone… brb” is always a good one, especially if the phone call goes on for a while.

2. Total submission… “I want to just lie here and relax… while you tell me what you’re doing to me. Oh, and really make it last.”

3. An uncharacteristic lack of creativity… let’s face it, a multiple orgasm is a great way to slip away for a while. AAAHHH… AAAAHHHH… AAAHHHH… gosh, some people can keep that up for hours.

4. A sudden interest in foursomes… “do you mind if my friend (the alt) comes over, and brings along her own friend too?” Followed by a lot of very unexpected silences.

5. “Oh sorry, I got distracted”… or, for variety’s sake, “oh sorry, I was just thinking.”

6. A new-found penchant for very late night housework or the like… “BRB, the microwave just dinged.” And will keep dinging, it seems, for the next 45 minutes

7. A brazen cheat will want to parade his or her subterfuge by actually allowing the alt to friend you. And have you ever noticed how your partner goes quiet (see 1-6 above) when your new friend logs on? Their partner has….

8. and following on from that… you can’t keep track of all your friends, all the time. But isn’t it strange how, whenever one goes away for a while… so does the other?

9. Forget all that… if you’ve read this far, you’re already suspicious. Cut your losses and run

10. please add your favorite giveaway here. And, while you're at it, ask your stinking love rat to tell us the ten reasons why s/he did it in the first place.

Why i Where a Collar

Labels are not my thing. I don't like being placed in a category, or compartmentalized by anyone and I extend the same courtesy to others. Observing without judgement is the highest form of human intelligence. It is difficult, if not impossible, to know someone's story by simply looking at them. I appreciate, however, that humans need labels to help them to communicate what they (believe) they understand about what they have seen, heard, or experienced.

I will admit, however, that before I involved myself in the lifestyle, I had all the misconceptions and steroetypes about others who were living it as the rest of the vanilla population. That never stopped me from being intrigued by it, however. I find intellectual development highly erotic and although I enjoy exploring things I don't understand, I am most drawn to things that I have strong reactions to. I viewed submissives as weak and having low self value. I ignorantly believed they were being abused, being beaten and *forced* to wear a collar and/or leash, to be humilated in public and referred to by anything other than their name.

When I first placed the collar around my neck, I can not explain the feeling it gave me. The process of *learning* to submit was a challenging one. I am a bit firey, however, my Master was tremendously patient, loving and consistent. I knew how much I needed him in my life early on; but being an independent minded professional woman, it was difficult to admit, even moreso to accept! Feeling the collar on my neck was beyond anything sexual, as many might generalize. It immediately gave me a sense of protection, care, and peace. The moment the shiny metal touched my neck,I knew that I could just "BE" that there would be no demands other than those of the Man who placed the collar there. That He would guide, protect and nurture me and for that I felt a tremendous amount of gratitude. The collar itself is more symbolic than anything else. Wearing it offers a constant reminder that I am under my Master's care. When the demands of my RL call upon me, the collar is my reminder and gives me pause and comfort. I can not speak to other's experiences with wearing collars, or leashes or any other thing that might suit their fancy. For me, the collar... the leash symbolize my commitment to serve my Master and His commitment to care for me. It is a symbol to others, that I belong to Him, always and in ALL ways. It more intensely relays the message to my mind, heart and all who are interested, that I love this Man, my Master... and NEED Him to guide O/our lives together. His willingess to serve as my King allows me the freedom to be a WOMAN...to be soft, but not stupid...to be adored, not abused... to be respected, not rejected and ignored for doing the things that feel most natural to me. Yes, I can pay my own bills, change my own tire, even raise our kids all by myself, but i NEED Him

Its as simple as that.

Virtual Infidelity

Hello, my name is Jennys Willful and I’m an… oops, wrong meeting.

Hello. My SL name is etc, but reality knows me as Jenny Swallows – and yes, that is my real name, so keep the wisecracks to yourselves, please. Unless you’ve thought of one I haven’t already heard. By day, in rl, I’m a published erotic author and librarian (no, the two are not related), by night and whenever else I can get onto SL, I’m a dancer and trainer at Dark Side; and, by both day and night, my volunteer work as a relationships councilor for various local (rl) organizations set me up in ways I never imagined for a life inside SL. Or is it the other way around?

We speak a lot about relationships in SL, but we are also aware that (with the obvious exception of when they spill into rl), that the relationship is solely with whatever aspect of your partner’s personality they care to show. With the key word being “solely.”

An owner who is in a loving and committed relationship with her/his slave, in which more secrets and dreams have been shared than with any rl counterpart (for that is another attraction of SL – you really can say what you think), might not dream that the slave is leading an equally committed relationship as the owner of another slave, in the guise of a well-disguised alt. But it happens, and probably a lot more than any of us – even the suspicious ones among us – realize. For, short of monitoring your online playmate’s online existence 24/7, you have no way of knowing, and in any case, is it even our concern?

In some ways, it is. You enter into an SL relationship in the belief that what you tell and are told comes from the heart, at least within the parameters of the game.

No, when the girl you met last Saturday tells you that she is happier than she has ever been in her entire life, and loves you from the bottom of her heart, your rl self probably takes her words with a pinch of salt.

When the guy you’ve been seeing for the last month suddenly brings out the anal hook and asks you to impale his ass, you know that he is more likely to be exercising his curiosity, than reliving the last seventeen times it happened in rl.

At the same time, however, some things must be taken at face value, for otherwise the entire SL experience is reduced to a bizarre game of charades. Her cries of genuine surprise and delight the first time you drip hot wax on her nipples suggest to you that this is indeed a brand new sensation. His insistence that meeting you has been a truly life changing experience should be more than hollow platitude, especially if he can back it up with rl examples.

We accept that much of what we see and hear in SL is role-playing, but some truths are more sacred than others, and the thought that those same truths might well have been uttered by the same person, through a different avatar, just fifteen minutes ago, could be seen to cross that boundary.

At the same time, however, how much of your own personality is truly revealed to your partner? Most of us, probably, would say “all of it” – or, at least, as much as is necessary to allow you the immersion you need to enjoy the game. We do not lightly use words such as “love,” “devotion,” and “please do me again with the cactus.” But we would be fooling ourselves if we said that, because something is always held back, just as it is in rl. The Master who fantasizes about being a mernaid. The tiny who wants to be an amazon. The dancer who dreams of being a soldier.

So, what do we do? We create an alt and live out those fantasies through it – and we don’t even consider it to be cheating because we are exercising a completely different aspect of our personality, for completely different ends. They become, in effect, two completely different people operating out of the same rl body, and provoking completely different responses and emotions in that body.

Which is fine until we screw up – completely forgetting which av you signed on as, and loudly blaming the Lindens because none of your landmarks are there. Buying yourself in a slave auction, because you can’t bear to be left unsold. And asking yourself how you are feeling is a total no-no, even in the most relaxed rl situation. Doing so when your only means of explanation are fast typing skills and a slice of self-deprecation (“it’s okay, last week I was talking to the wallpaper”) is… well, it’s not fatal.

But it does leave your partner with their first unanswered question – which, once the computers have been shut down – can rapidly multiply into a host of others. And where questions are asked, answers quickly follow, and in the wee small hours of the night, you can bet that those answers are not the most considered ones.

Where are we going here? For now, nowhere. I intend continuing to follow this line of thought in future postings, but I hope first to open it up for discussion here. Is your alt a cheating scumbag? Or is your partner just being paranoid? Answers in the comment box below, please.

My first ACES post....

Hello, my name is Janine Portal in second life. In fact, my real-life name is Janine. In whatever world I'm operating, I try to be as open and honest as I can. Not that it's the "right" or "best" way to be at all, but it's "My" way. It helps me to remain honest with myself and, hopefully, humble. My RL and my SL have been, as most lives are, full of adventure and learning and I’m committed to personal growth and self-awareness in their many and varied forms from whatever source they may come.

As an expressive arts therapist and sometime workshop facilitator, I approached second life from the perspective of it being a place in which we could co-create our personal mythologies, live the heroes journey a bit, fly and build cathedrals out of thin air. Like an intensely captivating lucid dream I noticed that people in SL were so entranced with the experience that, at times, they were loathe to log off. I, myself, have at times been guilty of missing meals and bedtimes and family outings to partake in the magic that is second life.

The most relevant part of second life, the thing that keeps most of us there, seem to be the relationships we have with others. I was told, early on, “Just think of it as a big chat room.” Well, it is that, but our minds fill in blanks and create sensory memories based on what our avatar is up to. It doesn’t really know the difference between “real” and “virtual” reality. When our minds and vulnerable emotions meet each other in such a place, there is the potential for bonding stripped of artifice even if our environment and proxy image is artifice itself. Some people say they come for the game, but if they stay, they usually stay because there are people there that “know their name” and, perhaps, understand something about them that no one in their first lives do…

That brings us to the phenomenon that is second life’s huge bdsm community. Belonging to a community committed to interpersonal relationships is thrilling enough. Belonging to a community that has bonded over, for the most part, mutual sharing and tolerance for what is so often taboo or in the closet…our deepest darkest desires, dreams, fears and delights…makes it, in my opinion, the hub of the most exciting place in second life. I feel so blessed to be able to facilitate discussions within this community, to meet so many different and varied people, hear their truths, their fears, take part in their process of personal growth….I learn something from nearly every person I encounter and am always grateful for the opportunity to do so. Being a part of the ACES consortium is an incredible opportunity to reach out to as many people and opinions as possible and I realize I’m lucky to have access to such a dedicated cross-section of the SL bdsm community.

If it looks like I Domme my discussions, look again…I see myself more as a hostess, hoping that everyone is pleased and has a good time. I may have a strong personality, but I revel in the ability to hand the reins to someone else. I’m one of those “lucky” people in that I’ve somehow managed to meet my “soulmate” in second life. If anyone wants to scoff at that term, I won’t take offense. Despite marriage and relationships, I find myself, now, in my mid forties, finally experiencing what love is, looks like, feels like… and it’s nothing like my jaded notions had led me to believe.