Yes i know. Thanks Giving is over. But maybe that is exactly why this is a good time to really think about gratitude. The hub of activity is past, the china washed and put away, and the big turkey reduced to a soup pot. Christmas is just around the corner but right now there is a chance to take a breath and reflect on the meanings of things like real gifts and gratitude.
The definition of a gift is something of value given freely without the expectation of anything in return. We already know submission itself is a gift. That for us as submissives our gift to our Dominant is our very being and is a gift (if given fully) that has more value than any dollar amount; our very life and breath. We offer ourselves in the service of the Dominant in the deepest hope that we can please them, be useful to them, and bring them happiness in being Dominant. We give this gift (hopefully) to the One we feel has earned the trust and respect from us necessary to kneel. When you really think about it, the most valued of gifts we give are only for those we truly DO feel trust and respect for. After all what is the point of giving a gift to someone we don't feel will appreciate its worth? This is why i stress over and over that submissives take their time and be certain when they give themselves. Don't give that gift until you are sure it will be respected.
Of course the next question is likely to be "but what of the Dominant's gift in return?" Well if you are expecting gifts in return then you have already lost the meaning of "gift". But then vanilla training has us programed to expect things in return. Unfortunately this mindset has created a generation of people with a sense of entitlement. If you buy your best friend a gift does that make it manditory they give one back? True gifts don't come with strings. The greatest gift back your friend can give is enjoying the gift you gave.
Thus is the point of a Dominant's gift. That They appreciate the gift of submission. The gifts of the Dominant are sadly often overlooked and unappreciated by the submissive. A Dominant gives care, time, guidence, fogiveness, protection, and many other gifts. All of this they give as they appreciate the submissive. Yet too often i have heard submissives complain these are not "enough". Yes it is easy to expect more once these things are given but once it is expected ..its not a gift. Even worse are the "compairson shoppers". The ones who compair what the Dominant gives them to what is given to others. "He gives her more time" or "She cares more about my siblings problems than mine". These concepts only make us sound like spoiled children competing for attention.
Its not about competition or entitlement. Its about being grateful for the gift. If your Dominant spends time with you...cherish that time. If your Dominant gives you direction or correction...listen and try to learn from it. Realize that when a Dominant gives these things, He or She is appreciating your gift of submission..and giving back by BEING Dominant. Understand that they give these things because they do respect your gift and not because they "owe" it to you. And whatever they give to other people has nothing to do with the value of the gifts they give to you. A gift only has value if the person who receives it truly appreciates it. If my RL collar had been a macaroni necklace i would have loved it just as much because its not the object itself that mattered..but the spirit and love behind Master giving it to me that mattered.
The only time a gift like this should be questioned is if it is not appreciated at all. A Dominant that does not appreciate the submissive will not give any time or effort. Thus the gift of submission was given to someone who really didnt want it. Sort of like giving someone a very expensive coat for christmas and they never wear it. Maybe it doesnt fit, or maybe they already have enough..they thank you for it and maybe even feel a little bad but they just dont want it. You cant demand they wear it...or give it back. Nor can you expect them to give you one in return or repay you for it. You have to simply accept the gift was not appreciated and make better choices next time.
But if the coat is worn with a smile, even just a few times during the season, treasure its worth and take joy from knowing it is cherished.
**Dedicated to Master: I see every day in the little things You do how much You love and cherish me. Your love and care of me means more then i have words for. Thank You Master..with all my heart.
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Simultaneous Seduction
The Simultaneous Seducer is one of the most frustrating problems we face in an SL relationship, and one of the easiest to become entrapped by. In real life, an extra-marital affair needs to be arranged with care and concern, a work of artistic subterfuge upon which the fate of nations (or, at least, a happy household) can balance. And even there, the dream of actually having sex with two different people, in two different places, at precisely the same time, remains just that – a dream.
Not in SL. A convenient alt to do the dirty, a convenient excuse for a few protracted absences, and even the hottest one on one scene can be doubled in no time. And nobody is any the wiser.
Until, of course, they are, in which case the recriminations, and the hurt, can only be amplified by any clumsiness that suddenly becomes apparent. Like the alt picking up a new lover under the nose of its partner, then happily “playing” in full view of the person they’re meant to be so devoted to. And if you think this sounds like personal experience…. It may be. Or it may not. I touched upon this subject in my last posting, but a handful of comments from readers… oddly delivered personally (maybe the comments box is too public?)… convinced me to look again at the subject and, in the spirit of women’s magazines the world over, offer up a handy checklist.
HAVING YOUR CAKE AND F*CKING IT TOO - TEN WAYS TO KNOW IF YOUR PARTNER IS A SERIAL CHEAT
1. The convenient excuses, of course… “oh gee, there goes the phone… brb” is always a good one, especially if the phone call goes on for a while.
2. Total submission… “I want to just lie here and relax… while you tell me what you’re doing to me. Oh, and really make it last.”
3. An uncharacteristic lack of creativity… let’s face it, a multiple orgasm is a great way to slip away for a while. AAAHHH… AAAAHHHH… AAAHHHH… gosh, some people can keep that up for hours.
4. A sudden interest in foursomes… “do you mind if my friend (the alt) comes over, and brings along her own friend too?” Followed by a lot of very unexpected silences.
5. “Oh sorry, I got distracted”… or, for variety’s sake, “oh sorry, I was just thinking.”
6. A new-found penchant for very late night housework or the like… “BRB, the microwave just dinged.” And will keep dinging, it seems, for the next 45 minutes
7. A brazen cheat will want to parade his or her subterfuge by actually allowing the alt to friend you. And have you ever noticed how your partner goes quiet (see 1-6 above) when your new friend logs on? Their partner has….
8. and following on from that… you can’t keep track of all your friends, all the time. But isn’t it strange how, whenever one goes away for a while… so does the other?
9. Forget all that… if you’ve read this far, you’re already suspicious. Cut your losses and run
10. please add your favorite giveaway here. And, while you're at it, ask your stinking love rat to tell us the ten reasons why s/he did it in the first place.
Not in SL. A convenient alt to do the dirty, a convenient excuse for a few protracted absences, and even the hottest one on one scene can be doubled in no time. And nobody is any the wiser.
Until, of course, they are, in which case the recriminations, and the hurt, can only be amplified by any clumsiness that suddenly becomes apparent. Like the alt picking up a new lover under the nose of its partner, then happily “playing” in full view of the person they’re meant to be so devoted to. And if you think this sounds like personal experience…. It may be. Or it may not. I touched upon this subject in my last posting, but a handful of comments from readers… oddly delivered personally (maybe the comments box is too public?)… convinced me to look again at the subject and, in the spirit of women’s magazines the world over, offer up a handy checklist.
HAVING YOUR CAKE AND F*CKING IT TOO - TEN WAYS TO KNOW IF YOUR PARTNER IS A SERIAL CHEAT
1. The convenient excuses, of course… “oh gee, there goes the phone… brb” is always a good one, especially if the phone call goes on for a while.
2. Total submission… “I want to just lie here and relax… while you tell me what you’re doing to me. Oh, and really make it last.”
3. An uncharacteristic lack of creativity… let’s face it, a multiple orgasm is a great way to slip away for a while. AAAHHH… AAAAHHHH… AAAHHHH… gosh, some people can keep that up for hours.
4. A sudden interest in foursomes… “do you mind if my friend (the alt) comes over, and brings along her own friend too?” Followed by a lot of very unexpected silences.
5. “Oh sorry, I got distracted”… or, for variety’s sake, “oh sorry, I was just thinking.”
6. A new-found penchant for very late night housework or the like… “BRB, the microwave just dinged.” And will keep dinging, it seems, for the next 45 minutes
7. A brazen cheat will want to parade his or her subterfuge by actually allowing the alt to friend you. And have you ever noticed how your partner goes quiet (see 1-6 above) when your new friend logs on? Their partner has….
8. and following on from that… you can’t keep track of all your friends, all the time. But isn’t it strange how, whenever one goes away for a while… so does the other?
9. Forget all that… if you’ve read this far, you’re already suspicious. Cut your losses and run
10. please add your favorite giveaway here. And, while you're at it, ask your stinking love rat to tell us the ten reasons why s/he did it in the first place.
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Why i Where a Collar
Labels are not my thing. I don't like being placed in a category, or compartmentalized by anyone and I extend the same courtesy to others. Observing without judgement is the highest form of human intelligence. It is difficult, if not impossible, to know someone's story by simply looking at them. I appreciate, however, that humans need labels to help them to communicate what they (believe) they understand about what they have seen, heard, or experienced.
I will admit, however, that before I involved myself in the lifestyle, I had all the misconceptions and steroetypes about others who were living it as the rest of the vanilla population. That never stopped me from being intrigued by it, however. I find intellectual development highly erotic and although I enjoy exploring things I don't understand, I am most drawn to things that I have strong reactions to. I viewed submissives as weak and having low self value. I ignorantly believed they were being abused, being beaten and *forced* to wear a collar and/or leash, to be humilated in public and referred to by anything other than their name.
When I first placed the collar around my neck, I can not explain the feeling it gave me. The process of *learning* to submit was a challenging one. I am a bit firey, however, my Master was tremendously patient, loving and consistent. I knew how much I needed him in my life early on; but being an independent minded professional woman, it was difficult to admit, even moreso to accept! Feeling the collar on my neck was beyond anything sexual, as many might generalize. It immediately gave me a sense of protection, care, and peace. The moment the shiny metal touched my neck,I knew that I could just "BE" that there would be no demands other than those of the Man who placed the collar there. That He would guide, protect and nurture me and for that I felt a tremendous amount of gratitude. The collar itself is more symbolic than anything else. Wearing it offers a constant reminder that I am under my Master's care. When the demands of my RL call upon me, the collar is my reminder and gives me pause and comfort. I can not speak to other's experiences with wearing collars, or leashes or any other thing that might suit their fancy. For me, the collar... the leash symbolize my commitment to serve my Master and His commitment to care for me. It is a symbol to others, that I belong to Him, always and in ALL ways. It more intensely relays the message to my mind, heart and all who are interested, that I love this Man, my Master... and NEED Him to guide O/our lives together. His willingess to serve as my King allows me the freedom to be a WOMAN...to be soft, but not stupid...to be adored, not abused... to be respected, not rejected and ignored for doing the things that feel most natural to me. Yes, I can pay my own bills, change my own tire, even raise our kids all by myself, but i NEED Him
Its as simple as that.
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Virtual Infidelity
Hello, my name is Jennys Willful and I’m an… oops, wrong meeting.
Hello. My SL name is etc, but reality knows me as Jenny Swallows – and yes, that is my real name, so keep the wisecracks to yourselves, please. Unless you’ve thought of one I haven’t already heard. By day, in rl, I’m a published erotic author and librarian (no, the two are not related), by night and whenever else I can get onto SL, I’m a dancer and trainer at Dark Side; and, by both day and night, my volunteer work as a relationships councilor for various local (rl) organizations set me up in ways I never imagined for a life inside SL. Or is it the other way around?
We speak a lot about relationships in SL, but we are also aware that (with the obvious exception of when they spill into rl), that the relationship is solely with whatever aspect of your partner’s personality they care to show. With the key word being “solely.”
An owner who is in a loving and committed relationship with her/his slave, in which more secrets and dreams have been shared than with any rl counterpart (for that is another attraction of SL – you really can say what you think), might not dream that the slave is leading an equally committed relationship as the owner of another slave, in the guise of a well-disguised alt. But it happens, and probably a lot more than any of us – even the suspicious ones among us – realize. For, short of monitoring your online playmate’s online existence 24/7, you have no way of knowing, and in any case, is it even our concern?
In some ways, it is. You enter into an SL relationship in the belief that what you tell and are told comes from the heart, at least within the parameters of the game.
No, when the girl you met last Saturday tells you that she is happier than she has ever been in her entire life, and loves you from the bottom of her heart, your rl self probably takes her words with a pinch of salt.
When the guy you’ve been seeing for the last month suddenly brings out the anal hook and asks you to impale his ass, you know that he is more likely to be exercising his curiosity, than reliving the last seventeen times it happened in rl.
At the same time, however, some things must be taken at face value, for otherwise the entire SL experience is reduced to a bizarre game of charades. Her cries of genuine surprise and delight the first time you drip hot wax on her nipples suggest to you that this is indeed a brand new sensation. His insistence that meeting you has been a truly life changing experience should be more than hollow platitude, especially if he can back it up with rl examples.
We accept that much of what we see and hear in SL is role-playing, but some truths are more sacred than others, and the thought that those same truths might well have been uttered by the same person, through a different avatar, just fifteen minutes ago, could be seen to cross that boundary.
At the same time, however, how much of your own personality is truly revealed to your partner? Most of us, probably, would say “all of it” – or, at least, as much as is necessary to allow you the immersion you need to enjoy the game. We do not lightly use words such as “love,” “devotion,” and “please do me again with the cactus.” But we would be fooling ourselves if we said that, because something is always held back, just as it is in rl. The Master who fantasizes about being a mernaid. The tiny who wants to be an amazon. The dancer who dreams of being a soldier.
So, what do we do? We create an alt and live out those fantasies through it – and we don’t even consider it to be cheating because we are exercising a completely different aspect of our personality, for completely different ends. They become, in effect, two completely different people operating out of the same rl body, and provoking completely different responses and emotions in that body.
Which is fine until we screw up – completely forgetting which av you signed on as, and loudly blaming the Lindens because none of your landmarks are there. Buying yourself in a slave auction, because you can’t bear to be left unsold. And asking yourself how you are feeling is a total no-no, even in the most relaxed rl situation. Doing so when your only means of explanation are fast typing skills and a slice of self-deprecation (“it’s okay, last week I was talking to the wallpaper”) is… well, it’s not fatal.
But it does leave your partner with their first unanswered question – which, once the computers have been shut down – can rapidly multiply into a host of others. And where questions are asked, answers quickly follow, and in the wee small hours of the night, you can bet that those answers are not the most considered ones.
Where are we going here? For now, nowhere. I intend continuing to follow this line of thought in future postings, but I hope first to open it up for discussion here. Is your alt a cheating scumbag? Or is your partner just being paranoid? Answers in the comment box below, please.
Hello. My SL name is etc, but reality knows me as Jenny Swallows – and yes, that is my real name, so keep the wisecracks to yourselves, please. Unless you’ve thought of one I haven’t already heard. By day, in rl, I’m a published erotic author and librarian (no, the two are not related), by night and whenever else I can get onto SL, I’m a dancer and trainer at Dark Side; and, by both day and night, my volunteer work as a relationships councilor for various local (rl) organizations set me up in ways I never imagined for a life inside SL. Or is it the other way around?
We speak a lot about relationships in SL, but we are also aware that (with the obvious exception of when they spill into rl), that the relationship is solely with whatever aspect of your partner’s personality they care to show. With the key word being “solely.”
An owner who is in a loving and committed relationship with her/his slave, in which more secrets and dreams have been shared than with any rl counterpart (for that is another attraction of SL – you really can say what you think), might not dream that the slave is leading an equally committed relationship as the owner of another slave, in the guise of a well-disguised alt. But it happens, and probably a lot more than any of us – even the suspicious ones among us – realize. For, short of monitoring your online playmate’s online existence 24/7, you have no way of knowing, and in any case, is it even our concern?
In some ways, it is. You enter into an SL relationship in the belief that what you tell and are told comes from the heart, at least within the parameters of the game.
No, when the girl you met last Saturday tells you that she is happier than she has ever been in her entire life, and loves you from the bottom of her heart, your rl self probably takes her words with a pinch of salt.
When the guy you’ve been seeing for the last month suddenly brings out the anal hook and asks you to impale his ass, you know that he is more likely to be exercising his curiosity, than reliving the last seventeen times it happened in rl.
At the same time, however, some things must be taken at face value, for otherwise the entire SL experience is reduced to a bizarre game of charades. Her cries of genuine surprise and delight the first time you drip hot wax on her nipples suggest to you that this is indeed a brand new sensation. His insistence that meeting you has been a truly life changing experience should be more than hollow platitude, especially if he can back it up with rl examples.
We accept that much of what we see and hear in SL is role-playing, but some truths are more sacred than others, and the thought that those same truths might well have been uttered by the same person, through a different avatar, just fifteen minutes ago, could be seen to cross that boundary.
At the same time, however, how much of your own personality is truly revealed to your partner? Most of us, probably, would say “all of it” – or, at least, as much as is necessary to allow you the immersion you need to enjoy the game. We do not lightly use words such as “love,” “devotion,” and “please do me again with the cactus.” But we would be fooling ourselves if we said that, because something is always held back, just as it is in rl. The Master who fantasizes about being a mernaid. The tiny who wants to be an amazon. The dancer who dreams of being a soldier.
So, what do we do? We create an alt and live out those fantasies through it – and we don’t even consider it to be cheating because we are exercising a completely different aspect of our personality, for completely different ends. They become, in effect, two completely different people operating out of the same rl body, and provoking completely different responses and emotions in that body.
Which is fine until we screw up – completely forgetting which av you signed on as, and loudly blaming the Lindens because none of your landmarks are there. Buying yourself in a slave auction, because you can’t bear to be left unsold. And asking yourself how you are feeling is a total no-no, even in the most relaxed rl situation. Doing so when your only means of explanation are fast typing skills and a slice of self-deprecation (“it’s okay, last week I was talking to the wallpaper”) is… well, it’s not fatal.
But it does leave your partner with their first unanswered question – which, once the computers have been shut down – can rapidly multiply into a host of others. And where questions are asked, answers quickly follow, and in the wee small hours of the night, you can bet that those answers are not the most considered ones.
Where are we going here? For now, nowhere. I intend continuing to follow this line of thought in future postings, but I hope first to open it up for discussion here. Is your alt a cheating scumbag? Or is your partner just being paranoid? Answers in the comment box below, please.
Friday, November 19, 2010
My first ACES post....
Hello, my name is Janine Portal in second life. In fact, my real-life name is Janine. In whatever world I'm operating, I try to be as open and honest as I can. Not that it's the "right" or "best" way to be at all, but it's "My" way. It helps me to remain honest with myself and, hopefully, humble. My RL and my SL have been, as most lives are, full of adventure and learning and I’m committed to personal growth and self-awareness in their many and varied forms from whatever source they may come.
As an expressive arts therapist and sometime workshop facilitator, I approached second life from the perspective of it being a place in which we could co-create our personal mythologies, live the heroes journey a bit, fly and build cathedrals out of thin air. Like an intensely captivating lucid dream I noticed that people in SL were so entranced with the experience that, at times, they were loathe to log off. I, myself, have at times been guilty of missing meals and bedtimes and family outings to partake in the magic that is second life.
The most relevant part of second life, the thing that keeps most of us there, seem to be the relationships we have with others. I was told, early on, “Just think of it as a big chat room.” Well, it is that, but our minds fill in blanks and create sensory memories based on what our avatar is up to. It doesn’t really know the difference between “real” and “virtual” reality. When our minds and vulnerable emotions meet each other in such a place, there is the potential for bonding stripped of artifice even if our environment and proxy image is artifice itself. Some people say they come for the game, but if they stay, they usually stay because there are people there that “know their name” and, perhaps, understand something about them that no one in their first lives do…
That brings us to the phenomenon that is second life’s huge bdsm community. Belonging to a community committed to interpersonal relationships is thrilling enough. Belonging to a community that has bonded over, for the most part, mutual sharing and tolerance for what is so often taboo or in the closet…our deepest darkest desires, dreams, fears and delights…makes it, in my opinion, the hub of the most exciting place in second life. I feel so blessed to be able to facilitate discussions within this community, to meet so many different and varied people, hear their truths, their fears, take part in their process of personal growth….I learn something from nearly every person I encounter and am always grateful for the opportunity to do so. Being a part of the ACES consortium is an incredible opportunity to reach out to as many people and opinions as possible and I realize I’m lucky to have access to such a dedicated cross-section of the SL bdsm community.
If it looks like I Domme my discussions, look again…I see myself more as a hostess, hoping that everyone is pleased and has a good time. I may have a strong personality, but I revel in the ability to hand the reins to someone else. I’m one of those “lucky” people in that I’ve somehow managed to meet my “soulmate” in second life. If anyone wants to scoff at that term, I won’t take offense. Despite marriage and relationships, I find myself, now, in my mid forties, finally experiencing what love is, looks like, feels like… and it’s nothing like my jaded notions had led me to believe.
As an expressive arts therapist and sometime workshop facilitator, I approached second life from the perspective of it being a place in which we could co-create our personal mythologies, live the heroes journey a bit, fly and build cathedrals out of thin air. Like an intensely captivating lucid dream I noticed that people in SL were so entranced with the experience that, at times, they were loathe to log off. I, myself, have at times been guilty of missing meals and bedtimes and family outings to partake in the magic that is second life.
The most relevant part of second life, the thing that keeps most of us there, seem to be the relationships we have with others. I was told, early on, “Just think of it as a big chat room.” Well, it is that, but our minds fill in blanks and create sensory memories based on what our avatar is up to. It doesn’t really know the difference between “real” and “virtual” reality. When our minds and vulnerable emotions meet each other in such a place, there is the potential for bonding stripped of artifice even if our environment and proxy image is artifice itself. Some people say they come for the game, but if they stay, they usually stay because there are people there that “know their name” and, perhaps, understand something about them that no one in their first lives do…
That brings us to the phenomenon that is second life’s huge bdsm community. Belonging to a community committed to interpersonal relationships is thrilling enough. Belonging to a community that has bonded over, for the most part, mutual sharing and tolerance for what is so often taboo or in the closet…our deepest darkest desires, dreams, fears and delights…makes it, in my opinion, the hub of the most exciting place in second life. I feel so blessed to be able to facilitate discussions within this community, to meet so many different and varied people, hear their truths, their fears, take part in their process of personal growth….I learn something from nearly every person I encounter and am always grateful for the opportunity to do so. Being a part of the ACES consortium is an incredible opportunity to reach out to as many people and opinions as possible and I realize I’m lucky to have access to such a dedicated cross-section of the SL bdsm community.
If it looks like I Domme my discussions, look again…I see myself more as a hostess, hoping that everyone is pleased and has a good time. I may have a strong personality, but I revel in the ability to hand the reins to someone else. I’m one of those “lucky” people in that I’ve somehow managed to meet my “soulmate” in second life. If anyone wants to scoff at that term, I won’t take offense. Despite marriage and relationships, I find myself, now, in my mid forties, finally experiencing what love is, looks like, feels like… and it’s nothing like my jaded notions had led me to believe.
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Sarrah's sub-stance
My stance
Well as this is the first of my posts (and i love to chat so i will probably post many) i have wondered how to start it. It seems to me the best way to start is to explain my stance so to speak. What is it to me that submission means, what i teach, and why this lifestyle?
Submission to me is a natural state of mind. It is a need of mine to want to give all i am (even if i don't necessarily think its much in itself) and all i have to one Master to own and control. I have actually been criticized and told "This is a modern age. Women are allowed to think for themselves now". Well...imagine that. Yes i am allowed to think for myself and make my own decisions. My decision to give myself completely. My decision to trust all to Him. So my question back to this girl was simple "If i am so free, then what business is it of yours?"
Am i allowed to think freely for myself ONLY if it fits into societies ideals? And what exactly is so terrible, so completely wrong with loving one person with all i am? Why should i let society train me to be untrusting and secretive? Because i might get hurt? Who hasn't? At my age hurt has already been. Deal with it.
Submission to me is the complete giving of myself in utter trust and love to the One who earns that from me. Master Mikhail earned that in SL and RL from me in every possible way. And perhaps because He knows He has my heart completely He freely gives the love i need every day. I may be crazy but...i thought that was how love was supposed to work.
What i teach in my classes is just what i believe. Giving of one's self completely. You cant teach the BEING of submissive. You either have that tendency or you don't (or you don't know yet and and are trying to figure it out). But figuring out why you feel the way you do, how understanding these feelings and needs can lead to fulfillment beyond words, and most important...when to trust. Yes just like the speed date service, the christian date service and hopelessly-single-forever-so-give me a break-give me a date-online service...ALL have predators. All have dangers. Sl D/s is no different than any other romance driven meeting area. There are a few bad bad people.
Being smart is usually the best way to be safe (remember not all predators look like demons. Ted Bundy ring a bell?). And these evil roaches can hide any where in any walk of life. Not just in D/s and certainly not just online. So a good deal of what i teach is based on making CAREFUL evaluations of others and INFORMED decisions. Information i didn't have at my disposal when i started. Hopefully it gives others a better edge and saves them some of the turmoil i went through There is no need for people to get hurt especially when there is someone willing to arm you with info.
But here we are back at being armed and dangerous. Of course we have to be careful. Of course we should be informed and protective of our own safety. A submissive who simply gives themselves to the first person that walks by is little more than a tramp. When a Dominant knows the submissive is smart, careful, and expects the Dominant to try a little...when the Dominant has to invest the time and effort...then the gift is fully appreciated once earned.
The bottom line to me on this lifestyle...its not for the faint of heart. It isn't for the person who hides behind their locked doors every day. And it isn't for the speed dater either. Be prepared to look deep into the mirror and be utterly honest with YOURSELF. Then be prepared for months and years of work that it will take to build a relationship that is strong and healthy. Master and i enjoy just such a beautiful bond. But as He said just this morning, W/we didn't pop out of the box this way. He and i spent over a year just building a bond on line. Not many RL vanilla relationships today can say they went almost a year without even kissing once before committing their heart. D/s lifestyle takes us back to a time when commitment meant something. In my little home town people are still celebrating 50 and 60 year wedding anniversaries. But they grow fewer every year. Just a little something to think about before dissing the idea of my surrendering and gladly handing my heart to Master.
Submission to me is a natural state of mind. It is a need of mine to want to give all i am (even if i don't necessarily think its much in itself) and all i have to one Master to own and control. I have actually been criticized and told "This is a modern age. Women are allowed to think for themselves now". Well...imagine that. Yes i am allowed to think for myself and make my own decisions. My decision to give myself completely. My decision to trust all to Him. So my question back to this girl was simple "If i am so free, then what business is it of yours?"
Am i allowed to think freely for myself ONLY if it fits into societies ideals? And what exactly is so terrible, so completely wrong with loving one person with all i am? Why should i let society train me to be untrusting and secretive? Because i might get hurt? Who hasn't? At my age hurt has already been. Deal with it.
Submission to me is the complete giving of myself in utter trust and love to the One who earns that from me. Master Mikhail earned that in SL and RL from me in every possible way. And perhaps because He knows He has my heart completely He freely gives the love i need every day. I may be crazy but...i thought that was how love was supposed to work.
What i teach in my classes is just what i believe. Giving of one's self completely. You cant teach the BEING of submissive. You either have that tendency or you don't (or you don't know yet and and are trying to figure it out). But figuring out why you feel the way you do, how understanding these feelings and needs can lead to fulfillment beyond words, and most important...when to trust. Yes just like the speed date service, the christian date service and hopelessly-single-forever-so-give me a break-give me a date-online service...ALL have predators. All have dangers. Sl D/s is no different than any other romance driven meeting area. There are a few bad bad people.
Being smart is usually the best way to be safe (remember not all predators look like demons. Ted Bundy ring a bell?). And these evil roaches can hide any where in any walk of life. Not just in D/s and certainly not just online. So a good deal of what i teach is based on making CAREFUL evaluations of others and INFORMED decisions. Information i didn't have at my disposal when i started. Hopefully it gives others a better edge and saves them some of the turmoil i went through There is no need for people to get hurt especially when there is someone willing to arm you with info.
But here we are back at being armed and dangerous. Of course we have to be careful. Of course we should be informed and protective of our own safety. A submissive who simply gives themselves to the first person that walks by is little more than a tramp. When a Dominant knows the submissive is smart, careful, and expects the Dominant to try a little...when the Dominant has to invest the time and effort...then the gift is fully appreciated once earned.
The bottom line to me on this lifestyle...its not for the faint of heart. It isn't for the person who hides behind their locked doors every day. And it isn't for the speed dater either. Be prepared to look deep into the mirror and be utterly honest with YOURSELF. Then be prepared for months and years of work that it will take to build a relationship that is strong and healthy. Master and i enjoy just such a beautiful bond. But as He said just this morning, W/we didn't pop out of the box this way. He and i spent over a year just building a bond on line. Not many RL vanilla relationships today can say they went almost a year without even kissing once before committing their heart. D/s lifestyle takes us back to a time when commitment meant something. In my little home town people are still celebrating 50 and 60 year wedding anniversaries. But they grow fewer every year. Just a little something to think about before dissing the idea of my surrendering and gladly handing my heart to Master.
Friday, November 12, 2010
Living 24/7 Real Life.... A Point of View
First of all, I’d like to introduce myself to you all. My second life name is Pleasure Ansome.
First and foremost, I am slave to my Master in both second life and first life. W/we met in second life around a year ago and have managed a successful transition into real life. Originally from Australia, I moved to the US (redneck country) to live with Master in a 24/7 M/s relationship.
This being said, I’ve been attending a lot of the SL classes advertised in the ACES group lately that have been based on real life topics and have found a surprising reaction from people about the ability to live 24/7 in a pure M/s dynamic. So in my first blog as an ACES Journalist, I want to touch on MY thoughts on how I see a 24/7 D/s relationship can work and ask the question... is it possible to “live it” 24 hours, 7 days a week?
I would like to make a note here, that I’m not one for labels, and to be perfectly honest, don’t understand all of the “theory” of the lifestyle. This is why I continually attend the classes in second life, continually share with others and ask lots of questions... we never stop learning and I am by no stretch of the imagination an expert.
So this point of view is purely my own... based on what I’ve learned, heard, read about and experienced firsthand. You may or may not agree with all or anything I say, but my opinion is that it doesn’t really matter whether I get the labels right or theories or if you agree with me. I’m just hoping to put another point of view across to think about. And at the end of the day, the lifestyle is about what works for you. Not me, not everyone else.
Ok, so the debate seems to be that 24/7 D/s isn’t real.
It can’t possibly be because ‘life’ gets in the way. We work, we get sick, we have kids, we have commitments and all kinds of obligations in the “real world”. How can you possibly be living in your roles as Dom/me and sub when you are making these decisions or dealing with these kinds of ‘distractions’ or just chilling out eating chocolate & ice-cream on the couch?
I can see how on the surface this seems to be the case. But from my experience... being a submissive isn’t what i DO, it’s WHO I AM. And it’s the same for Master.
I don’t put on my collar and “play” submissive until something else takes my attention. As a lifestyle submissive, Master is ALWAYS my priority. He is always Master and I am always slave. Period.
Ok... i can see you have a million questions or retorts to that (and none of them wrong, remember it’s YOUR views that are important to you)... But can I put this to you?
In a business environment, there is a Manager and a team of people. The Manager makes all the ultimate decisions on how the department is run. He/She plans the budget... they analyse productivity schedules... they are ultimately responsible for the smooth running of the department.
The team are given different areas of responsibilities to handle, given direction, a set of rules and guidelines to follow... but they always are working towards the goals set forward by the Manager.
If I call my mum while I’m at work... it would be the right thing to do to ask for permission from the Manager. He may have even given me a blanket decision that so long as I am getting things done that I need to, meeting deadlines and always available if he requires my attention, then it’s fine to call her.
Does this mean I’m stepping out of my role as part of the team? He has allowed me to do that. I have asked for permission and he has granted it. It doesn’t change our dynamic or what I need to achieve or the “pay” I receive.
It may even increase my job satisfaction and loyalty to the Department, since I have such a great boss that lets me do this type of thing. He/she may put on a bbq or a Christmas Party... perhaps even a “bonus” to build up moral. I’d definitely stay in a job like that where I feel appreciated for what I do and allowed these “little blessings”.
So in a 24/7 D/s relationship.... living it every waking (and sleeping) minute of every day, the important thing to remember is that anything you do is because it is required as part of your role as slave or your Dominant has given permission for.
For me...I may go to work in a high profile and demanding career, but it’s only because Master allows me to. If I get a night off from cooking and we have take out in front of the tv in my pjs... it’s because Master has given me permission to do this. I don’t step out of my role to do it... I am allowed... given permission. By Him allowing me these things, it keeps my brain active or my moral up. Just like the Manager did that I spoke about.
I mentioned earlier... the lifestyle is about what it is to you. No one else. There is no right or wrong way to live it.... From 24/7 to sceneing and everywhere in between. I just wanted to give you something to think about.
Until next post... I’ll leave you with this quote.........
“A mind once stretched by a new idea never regains its original dimension.” ~ Oliver Wendell
Happy learning everyone!
Pleasure Ansome
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